why's.....

Because I am mortal, because I miss him, because its these months in 06 that we were burdened with his beginning symptoms, because we are separated, because there is a hole bigger than words, because I see his pictures daily, because I am his mommy, I still ask "why?" But the question is asked a bit differently now. At first, the first year for sure it was with a fist and with a scream in my heart. Now, it is a question with tears but with a peace in my heart. As in Job, how can we contend with the Lord? Now when I ask "why" I hear him say, be still and know that I am God, I know, O Lord, that thy judgments are right, and that thou in faithfulness has afflicted me, But though he causes grief, yet will he have compassion according to the multitude of his mercies. Any parent would desire all the "why's" of a trial and in our lifetime He might possibly "show" us some answers to our why's, but I read a verse yesterday. In John 6, the fainthearted disciples, continue to to seek the "why's" the show of miracles, looking for the meat in this life, looking for signs. Jesus answers in v. 29, "and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom hath sent me." So it not all about what we will see after a trial, the results manifested to our eyes, the signs and the tangible. Sometimes we might feel like after a trial, "whew, I am through it, it cost me, now what am I going to get back from it?" I felt like the Lord was saying to me in this verse was, the very "work, " of God is that I believe, I trust, I have faith in Him. It was not a work to receive something tangible but a "work," a trial for my very faith. Faith is the essence of a Christian's life, without faith we can not please God. God wants us to believe him more and more, to really, really know Him intimately. So how does ones faith get bigger, grow? It does not grow by comfortableness. Our faith grows by hearing the Word. How do we hear it? By reading, hearing it taught. What would drive us to read and devour it desperately? A trial, a difficulty. So the very work, the very trial, the very undesirable death of a child, it is a work of God to bring us to a greater, a more intimate place with the Lord. Its a means to bring us to believe, have faith, and trust! So it is with this verse I seek to "believe" have faith in his person, his plan, his wisdom, the integrity of his heart that this is for my faith (my good) and for His glory!

Well, today we are cleaning house, doing a little school, and tonight we are having a "Pioneer Meal." Soup!!! Anna is taking family pictures of the Burnett family at a park, so I needed to fix our dinner before we leave. Caleb, Daniel and Bethany have the opportunity to participate in the orchestra at the B's church for their Christmas Cantata on Dec. 13th, so they are going to practice tonight. I am getting antsy and ready to put out our decorations, but I guess I will hold out a bit longer.

Need to go do "my" Wed. chores..........