Wednesday, January 20, 2016

new paths....

So so cold now here in Oklahoma! It's immobilizing to me!! 

Trying to do some special things all week with Hosie as we approach her birthday and the day Joel died. Nine years ago, I was in living hell! Waiting, waiting, watching your child die. It's still so hard and deeply grievous. Grief never leaves. I have little envelopes of fun things we are doing/going each day. It's basically to help my heart! 

There's many areas a person can grieve in or about. A loss of any kind can take you through grief. I have mentioned at times, our financial journey and situation. The last month Terry has been working the salesman job of selling office supplies under a total commission based income. Which is hard when you work 40 plus hours and make $180 the whole week. This week terry had an interview with a possible manager job here in Guthrie. He would be an office manager of medical sells. It would be a salary job. And it would be 15 minutes from home. So two positives. Last November is when things went really south in the finances. At that time we basically did a skeleton/survival budget. So you could say we trimmed it down to bare nothings. Now, with this possible new job, with the salary pay it would be, we would have to cut the budget even more than last year. It's seriously like another grieving journey except a different area. It's a loss. I was so hoping this year would be better in this area, but it's worse.  A loss of moving forward. A loss of hoping and dreaming as we are now 53 years old, that we could do things, go places. I know life isn't about money and going and doing, but I guess it just feels like the air has been let out of the balloon of what I thought the latter part of my life would look like. Basically, one of my few joys is cooking and preparing food and doing things for the house and making it a place of comfort and rest and to think this last year I have done that with minimal income and then to think I have to tackle it again this coming year with even less is heart wrenching. As I look back on what I did do this last year, it was a lot. So for that I am grateful. I'm so hoping my ironing job will continue as right now the wedding season is off so no ironing at this time, but at least if I have that little bit, it will help me not to go crazy! All I can say is 'oh well' life goes on, it will all work out, I made it through last year, I can do it again.' And believe me, I read and KNOW people have worse situations, I get that, I guess sometimes i hope for things in my mind that aren't possible. God will see me through. I'm on the down swing now!  Ha!! 

Thanks for he prayers and encouragement!! 

Stay warm!!

Monday, January 11, 2016

Roos first violin

Caleb and Daniel were about 14 when they got their string instrument!! Roo is 2.5 and he got his!!! Gooooo rooooooo!!

Thursday, January 7, 2016


It's here! Cold cold cold!! I seriously battle winter blues/depression this time of year!! I think I might have to get one of those happy lights that helps people with feeling down and lethargic with being stuck inside!! I have literally cleaned and done everything possible inside!  I really have tons of projects I would love to do but resources won't allow that for now. The kids and I have been doing a word brain app on our phones! Ha! Definitely need more brain work! Mercy did pretty good but then it got too hard for her! 

Hope you all have a wonderful new year and may the lord bless us all with endurance to make it to Summer!! Ha!!

Thursday, December 31, 2015


The year is almost over. Another year ahead! I have to say 2015 has been a tough year but it definitely had a few snippets of happy. Daniel and Erin's wedding, and now they are expecting!! Health is a huge blessing and seeing my kids become successful adults is a highlight. I know several are searching and looking to find their passion in life and what they are suppose to do. Always praying for them!! I have soooo many "want to's" for the coming year. Only God knows if they will happen. Hoping we can survive with Terry's job change. Performance jobs and commission work is a tough world. I can't say I feel very hopeful. Maybe someday the finances won't be such a struggle. 

I have my list of things I have written down and with my little iron job, I'll see what can happen!! Ha! It's so fulfilling to make a list and go back later and mark it off! I looked in the back of my bible at a list and I was able to mark 3 things off. One thing was the headstone for Joel and it came about because of the coffee shop job I worked at for 8 weeks! And the other two things happened because of our wonderful kids and their generosity! 

Hope you all have a safe and happy New Year's Eve! Going to cook some burgers and do a movie later! Hope I can stay up to bring 2016 in!! Haha!! 

Thanks for being with us all these years!! 

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas

have a very merry Christmas!