Monday, January 4, 2010


*** correction, 2007.....goodness, my brain!!!****

Even though yesterday was Sunday and we were busy with church and then our evening fellowship with other families, my mind and heart were in 2007, Jan 3rd. The clocks hours as I looked through out the day held my heart. We left the house at 10am, checked in to hosp at 11am, Joel was hooked up to his 2nd round of chemo by noon and finished by about 2pm. The rest of the afternoon was quiet, we colored, read books, played play-do. Around 5:30pm, he was eating his peperoni pizza and teasing and feeding his daddy with them. The children came up around 7pm, we watched some Moody Science video, they left, he threw up once or so while they were there. A good friend of Terry"s (and ours) came up about 9pm. Joel was throwing up about every 30 min. Nurses coming in and out giving things for nausea. Our friend left about 10:30 or so. Joel was very uncomfortable, throwing up, his legs would not be still, finally around 11:20 I picked him up and tried to console and hold him and then moments later he was not our little 3 yr. vibrant Joel anymore and for the next 20 days he just lay, heart beating, blood flowing.......I went to bed last night about 11:40pm, cried some and forced myself NOT to look a the clock through the night because I just did not want to re-live all that night through the next morning again. Scans, Dr's, people telling us our son was dead! But I made it through and this morning I was blessed to "hear" Him through the Word!!! I read this. And now for a little space grace hath been shewed from the Lord God, (Ezra 9:8) When we need grace He gives it, He gave it yesterday and because He is Faithful, He will give grace for the next 20 days as I remember. Another verse that spoke to my heart was Ezra 3:13, So that the people could not discern the noise of the shout of joy from the noise of the weeping of the people; for the people shouted with a loud shout, and the noise was heard afar off. Here is joy and weeping all mingled together. Some were weeping some were joyous. I certainly do not expect all of my family members to weep like I do, they are not Joel's mother adn I am fine with that. But what stood out from this verse is that the joys were "louder" or were heard more than the weeping. Somehow, God does bring us joys again and they can become more prominent than the weeping. There are so many exciting things ahead for our family as the Lord leads in directing the older ones in starting their own families, land buying, futures for them that yes, there is so much "joy" here. I will never stop weeping but from this scripture "joys" are ahead and by His grace I pray that the "joy" He gives will be "heard afar" and will be a testimony to others weeping hearts!!!!!

Like I said, I did not make a New Years resolution but I read an incredible verse that is going to be my "motto" for Twenty-ten!!! .....hold fast till I come. Rev. 2:25 This is going to be my banner, my Rock, my hope when I feel like I am sinking, my life-support!!!! Hold fast till He comes, keep going, keep praying, keep seeking!!! Don't you like that verse??? It can be yours too, I'll share!! What a day, but until then "hold fast!!!"

It is sooooo cold here! The guys are trying to do a little work, but sometimes their work hinges on warmer temps so concrete can set up and just being out in the cold is major! A big week of getting things together for two sets of groups to go to two different places. Micah and Andrew are going to be doing some hunting this Thursday through Tuesday of next week at their uncles farm in Kansas and Elijah, Anna, Caleb and Daniel are heading to Wisconsin on Thursday to go to a friends wedding and to try out snow skiing!!! Anybody live up near Spooner Wisconsin?? I guess you could ski over and say "hi!!" So I am packing and getting together all that stuff! Terry and I will be here with Bethany, Josh, Miah, Hosie, Siah and Mercy! So I know there are so many people that need prayer and I know our lists are long for so many others, but if the Lord brings them to your mind, pray they will all be safe in travel and adventure!

Bethany sorta updated the guys web site so if you have not ordered a CD, you can do it over there too and you can listen to samples of the CD towards the bottom of the page. I have sent off all the orders, so be on the look out for yours in the mail. We would welcome any feed back, evaluations, criticizing, exhortation, or what ever you have to say so we can work towards higher goals next time!! On the CD, there is one vocal song by Caleb and we did not have room to include the words so I wanted to give to you and if you did not order one maybe the words will "wet your whistle" to get one!!!!

"Seems Like Yesterday"
By Caleb Morris

Verse 1

Life is short and the days are few
Let us love and live every moment that God gives us
Cherishing our loved ones, the years are flying by
We'll be saying seems like yesterday we were there


Love and live every moment
Give it all you've got and then some more
Life is short, it's a vapor
Don't forget what matters most
We'll be saying seems like yesterday we were there

Verse 2

Sometimes I stop and I'm looking back on that road of life
I've been traveling for some time now
Joys and sorrows, I can see them clear
All the memories made
Then I'm saying seems like yesterday we were there

Repeat Chorus

Verse 3

Let us live for YOU every day we have
So when time is up we have no regrets
Everyday and hour, every moment
Lord may it all be for your glory and your praise
Help us live each day as if it were our last
Cause it won't be long
We'll be saying it was yesterday we were there

Repeat Chorus

For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night. Ps. 90:4


-stephanie- said...

Spooner is about 200 miles NW of us. I'll wave to them from my front door. :o)

God is good to you Cindy. Praise Him in the storm of the next 20 days.

KD said...

I have no idea how the next month will be for you, but I can pray the God of all Comfort, who's still on the throne, will continue to be with you in a way I don't understand!
I just might take you up on that offer, "hold fast til I come", that'll do!!

Sharon said...

Joy comes in the morning.
Praying for you Cindy (and all).

Mountain Mama said...

I am praying for you my sweet friend. My heart is heavy with sadness with you. Hang on to Jesus!!


Anonymous said...

Hold fast till I come....


Praying for YOU!!


Jessica said...

Hello Cindy,

I came across Isaiah 58:11, "And the LORD shall guide thee continually, and satisfy thy soul in drought, and make fat thy bones: and thou shalt be like a watered garden, and like a spring of water, whose waters fail not."

So, I think my phrase for 2010 will be, "the Lord shall guide thee continually."

May He pour out His peace and encouragement upon you during this difficult month of remembrance.

To answer your comment, our children LOVED Pendragon! We have to limit them because they ask to watch it too frequently! The soundtrack is wonderful. They turn on the CD and start sword fighting!

Chad and Jessica's Family said...

Cindy~ My heart is with you during these tougher times. I am so sorry you have to endure these times. So sorry. Keep leaning on Jehova. You are such a good mother to Joel still. Your love for him is inspiring. I am praying and I love you in the Lord.

Okay, I just recieved the boys cd and it is beautiful!! We really enjoyed it. The Lord is going to use their gifts to bless others and for His kingdom. Tell them it is wonderful. My kids love it too. This morning they were dancing to one of the more faster ones. Great job to Daniel and Caleb!!!!


MarshaMarshaMarsha said...

.....hold fast till I come.

Thank you for sharing that. I will most definitely be holding fast!

It is very hard to not replay events in your mind, whether they are brought on by certain dates or just out of the blue. I often find myself quoting Philippians 4:8 and trying to redirect my thoughts-- usually after giving it a good cry first. I am glad you are fighting for joy and holding on to God's promises!

I can't wait to meet Joel in Heaven one day. I'm sure he will have much to show you. :)

Praying for you.