Unused......

I received an e-mail from my "new friend" in Bulgaria and I was so moved to tears with a statement she made,

...........You are now in my thoughts daily as I try to imagine what you've been through, but surely cannot fathom it. At times I have gone into the boys' room while they are sleeping and one by one tried to picture God taking one of them to Heaven, the empty gap it would leave, the empty bed, the unused clothes, the missing boy in the line-up of our guys, the never knowing why it needed to happen, wondering if I could somehow have prevented it, all the human feelings and reactions, and though I don't know what it really is like, it certainly helps me be more thankful for each day together. It helps me relax about the unimportant things that used to be so irritating. It makes life so much more precious.

Here is a mommy that I just met with such handsome boys herself, my heart was touched to think that she sought to relate in some way to my sorrow, she moved as close as she could get and that put me to tears, to think she would "think" for a moment the pain that our family has gone through. I was blessed as she expressed her sorrow with me in this way, thank you Katie. Her family is a missionary family, they are expecting their 7th boy to their all boy crew, and she also has placenta previa, so pray for her as she continues this blessed pregnancy!

Joel's toddler bed......put away.....unused
Joel's clothes......stored away......unused
Joel's special toys that were his.....packed away......unused

Oh, Lord, allow Joel's 3 years of life to be used.....
Make me to be used.....
Make our family to be used......
Use us , for your glory!!!!

Work.....at our house!!!!

Work, work....... and its at OUR house this time, YEA!!!!!! The guys had a few days in between jobs and the resources were there to get the Build Block foam blocks and then fill them up with concrete. Its progress and this mommy is thrilled!!! I do not know how long it will be before the next phase, the roof, but its neat to get this done!!! The big opening will be French Doors and then two windows on each side of it, the kitchen window over the sink will be a triple window and then on the north wall there is a small window that will be in front of a small sink, like a vegetable sink. This morning I left the house around 5:45 am to go grocery shopping and made it back home around noon only to feed a hungry mob. I had put a goat roast in the crock pot, so we were in good shape. Bethany had made the buns which I was so grateful for. Now we are just cleaning up around here, Elijah is putting up a cross fence and Terry might get to the garden in a bit. It is very, very cold today, yesterday it was in the high 70^ I have not forgotten about the recipes but I'll have to wait for Anna to help, I do not like typing all that out! Have a great weekend!!!

Reaping.....

To be honest I do not think I am brave or spiritual enough to say that there is anything worth it for not having Joel here with us. But if it has to be this way, which it does according to His providence, I trust Him, His infinite wisdom that all His works are righteous and good and in total agreement with His Person, that He is loving, kind, just and holy then I will look forward if He allows, opportunities of Joel's story going forth. In my flesh I reason that its not worth having over a thousand DVD's go out or to have opportunities to write here or tell others about our faith or to have sometimes 5oo visitors a day reading. I had rather have my son. But in the past few weeks the Lord has given more ways to reach out than even in the first year it seems. I am amazed of the contacts of folks from New Jersey, to Bulgaria to the upper north states that have crossed our path and have shared words of encouragement or even inquired of our faith. For so long I thought I deserved the Lord to "show" me why. With His grace I feel like I layed that to rest (not to say I'll never pick it up again) and simply sought to "trust" Him. The truth of the matter is this journey is really about the Lord and then a little 3 year old boy that was brave, that fought a battle and won, that made us laugh and cry, that will forever be in our hearts and on MY mind and now I am just getting to reap the benefits of all that he has blazed through. You see nothing is worth not having Joel here, but what the Lord is doing in and through this journey is all but amazing to my heart as of lately, and it all has to do with trusting Him instead of demanding and expecting Him to do what I think He should have done. Trust......its a vital key to reaping from the tears and sorrow. This scripture is really real now.....I am seeing the reaping and it brings such fulfillment, Ps. 126:5, They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. I want to be a faithful steward of this trial, to honor the Lord, to be an example to our children and to give to others the comfort He has given me, let it be... Lord.

The guys are working here on the farm for a few days, in between jobs. Elijah, it seems is diggin' an ocean out there in the pasture but its really just a pond!!! He and machines go well together!!! I have not talked about the other project thats been going on around here, the addition to the back of the house. It was started about a year ago and it is very slow, not due to the fact of ready and willing and capable construction workers, as they can do this project themselves, it gets worked on a resources are available. It will give us about 800 more sq. feet and it will be living space and mostly kitchen. What we want to do as quickly as possible is get the walls up and the roof on so we can accomodate our church fellowship meetings. I will be thrilled to just have more space to walk and move about in even if it does not get finished out for a while. The guys are doing the walls in the build block, thats what they do on jobs. Anyway I was super fired up that we were able to get the blocks and get the walls going up!! Bethany's baby goats did not make it, it was just too early for them. Her kidding season is right around the corner, she is very excited but it was really hard on her "farm girl" heart to have the babies die.

Pray for the Nash family as the little baby I mentioned that was born at 23 weeks, Judah, went to be with Jesus.

I once again just want to say thank you to all you out there, YOU are a blessing to me.....as I continue on this journey of tears....... yet reaping joys......


I'll try to get those two requested recipes up soon.....

Yummy!!!!

Remember these.......Anna and Katelyn, our neighbor made donuts again today...... Micah ate them....but not all.....yummy!!!!!! The guys will be back here late tonight from their little out of town work. They finally finished the really big house, like 6ooo square feet and now are on to new jobs. David and Katelyn are eating dinner with us. I am fixing lets call them
"Fancy Burritos." I cook a rump roast, or any for that matter, cook a pot of dry pinto beans, when the roast is done I just fork it up, and of course we have all the toppings, cheese, lettuce, salsa, sour creme, you can add whatever toppings you like. Have your flour tortillas warm and then put the beans, roast and toppings and EAT!!!! Sometimes I have mixed the beans and beef together, do what suits you on that. You can serve chips and salsa, or what I love is Guacamole dip, but I do not have any for tonight. Bethany's goat had her babies this morning at the vet, 2 bucks living and one dead. They are 17 days early, a little small and fragile and weak, but they could very well make it, with prayer of course!!! Her and Kate went to check on them now and we are wrapping up the mess in the kitchen! Better go.....Andrew fell out of a tree and has meat removal off his knee!!!

True Faith....

May 06

Oct. 06

Through this journey and from the very start all the way back in Dec. 06, we have shared and talked of our faith. Just because I have been reading of so many out here in the blog world that speak of a "faith" as well, I just wanted for the record to bring to light of the ONLY TRUE FAITH. Some seem to think as it says in I Cor. 8:5, For though there be that are called gods, whether in heaven or in earth, (as there be gods many, and lords many) Some say they have a "faith" in good works, that in what they do it will qualify them for eternity, but how do you know when you have done enough? Some have "faith" in things unseen and then even in the seen, faith in people, men that seemingly did extraordinary things, some think they will enter heaven because they are just "good folks," there are so many so called "faiths" out there but the Holy Bible, God's infallible word tells us there is ONLY ONE Way, to heaven, being with Him and our loved ones for eternity. John 14:6, Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. And the verse that comes right after the one I wrote In I Cor. says, But to us there is but one God, the Father, of whom are all things, and we in him; and one Lord Jesus Christ by whom are all things, and we by him. My faith, our families faith is in God, Jesus Christ Incarnate, Christ crucified (I Cor.1:23) our faith is in the power of God, that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God, I Cor. 2:5, our faith is in Christ, fully God, fully man, yet without sin, that was born of a virgin, lived on this earth, preached repentance, was then mocked, scourged, nailed to the cross, buried in a tomb, that rose three days later, appeared to witnesses, ascended to heaven and now is at the right hand of the Father, and we that are faith believers, a work of the Spirit of Christ enabling us to believe, (as faith is a gift of God) who have repented of our sin because the Bible says "all have sinned and come short of the glory of God," await our redemption by the trumpet sound or through death which is our gate of victory and life eternal forever with the Almighty God of Creation and with those whom have gone before us. So this is why I know that I know I will see my Joel again!! May the Lord work a work in those that might hap across this and be not deceived any longer and trust in the ONE and ONLY True God, Jesus, the Christ!!

I share all that as a burden for many that are deceived. Also if you think about it would you pray for a woman that has given birth to a baby boy at 23 weeks and weighs 15 ounces I met her as we went through our situation with Joel, she came to the hospital several times, they also had another baby girl, about 4 years ago, and is doing great, she was born about the same gestational time, what an incredible journey that was for them, and now here they are again. They live out of state now, but the Lord has them pegged, He knows!!!

The guys are working away today, we are here without a vehicle( truck still sick) but do not really have a need to go anywhere so we are fine. Bethany's goat is still at the vet with the toxemia and they are going to induce her, its 17 days early and too early really, but prayers for a goat is even heard. If the babies are does they could be worth $1000 or more so it is sad on the part our farm endeavors as this is what we are seeking to do, to raise show goats to sell. So Bethany's buddies out there.....pray!!!!

As far as the grieving journey goes, I still cry everyday, I miss Joel, I miss the twosome stuff, I still have times where I feel like I just drop to a real low, but it does not seem to last too long, I catch myself at times getting sad with the Lord, actually leaning too much on mine own understanding, I just get sad......and then there are days that I feel so light , hopeful, anticipating the reunion. Terry told a thought he had one day as he was outside to our church fellowship as he was teaching one Sunday and I love to think about it, Terry was outside one day a few weeks ago and he was looking out a certain way and he said it felt like a day in Dec., cold and all, he was talking to the Lord and even asking Him "why?" he had to take Joel and that it hurt so bad, and then Terry said he was not telling God anything He did not know, as He too knew the separation with His Son, and then Terry thought of what it would be like to enter heaven and have Joel come up to him, so full of joy and happiness and say" look daddy, I can walk!!!!!!" I just try to picture that in my mind and it brings a fullness, a hope, a looking forward to, and its like I tell myself to hang on....someday it will happen, but for now live, laugh and love the family that I am so blessed with here!!!

*******On a happy mommy heart note, this morning I was praying and asking the Lord to continue to allow Joel's story to go forth......and about an hour later I received an e-mail from a woman that would like to show the DVD at her church for a group of ladies as they have a banquet with the the theme, God is Faithful. I was so very thankful for this unexpected blessing!!!**********

Its a bit cold to day, got the wood stove going, Mercy girl is taking a nap, some are outside and now I better go and do something useful, like figure out what to fix for dinner.

Introducing....!

Introducing

Shekinah Springs Studio

Caleb and Daniel have a website, thanks to their dear sister Bethany. Its still in the works, but check it out and let us know what you think and be sure and listen to some of their sample music!!! Enjoy!!! www.shekinahspringsstudio.com

***I wanted to also give credit to Anna for the photo of the guitar and the guys of course!!!*****

Remember/Review....

I know it brings delight, pleasure to my heart when a child "remembers" something I have told him/her and carries through with the instruction, order, chore, response to others or just anything I have basically told them several or many days ago or even better last week or the week before!!!! The Lord brought this thought to my mind this morning to confirm several scriptures I read in Luke 24. You might notice I have not written any particular scriptures that maybe have "leaped" out to me in several days. So that is what these verses spoke to me about this morning. I so enjoy "hearing" everyday and that would be my earnest desire and I can become down if I seem to not hear something from the Lord as I read His words. But does my faith really grow and stretch when it is saturated or would it grow more if I have to look to the unseen, like the unseen of not hearing something each and everyday? The scriptures says faith is the substance of things not seen. So the scriptures I read this morning told me to "remember/ review." Luke 24: 6 and 8, He is not here, but is risen: remember how he spake unto you when he was yet in Galilee, v. 8, And they remembered his words. And then the two fellows on the road to Emmaus had the opportunity to talk to Jesus, unknowingly, and they were quite astonished Jesus had not heard about all the events of the past few days. So Jesus in His most wonderful, wise way caused them to give a "review" of the past few days by asking the fellows, "And he said unto them, What things?" And they proceeded into a long discourse of what had taken place. It caused them to remember and to review! The next verse told me what to remember/review......Concerning Jesus of Nazareth, which was a prophet mighty in deed and word before the God and all the people. In the times of seemingly silence I need to remember Jesus of Nazareth, His Person, who He is and then I need to review His deeds and His words that He gave in the past. O....so many scriptures I have marked in my Bible and if I were to go back and even read journal entries of scriptures that the Lord has given me in this last year and even two years, it is enough if I were to never hear from the heights of heaven again!! So this morning as I did not think I heard words from the Lord I did......He just wants me to go back and remember/review what He has done in the past, the comforts that He afforded my hurting heart, the hopes that He has given that the 9th hour will come after the 6th hour...23:44, And it was about the sixth, and there was a darkness over all the earth until the nineth hour. Just as I delight in my children "remembering," and doing/ walking in what I have told them, how much more does my Heavenly Father delight and shouldn't I desire to delight Him instead of wanting "delights" for my own self from Him? May the Lord bring to remembrance to your hearts as well truths that He has given.

Whew..... another party down and I have a break until March 19th and 21st!! Maybe someday I"ll put together a book with ideas and pictures of our Birthday's.....like when I do not have anything else to do, hehehehe!!!!

We have a few technical circumstances we are dealing with around here, I guess you call it "life" and living on a farm. Bethany's most expensive goat that is pregnant has toxemia, yea like ladies get but this is with a goat! She is at the vet and hopefully will pull through, as it is very serious! And then we are having vehicle troubles again but his time with the truck, can you believe it???? We had to have it towed in to the mechanic!! Hopefully the truck will get dx quickly and be low cost because construction workers need a truck!!

For anybody interested Anna is available for taking pictures of your family, Senior pictures, children/grandparents, weddings, maternity or special events, even birthdays!! This week she had opportunity to take Senior pictures of a young lady whose mom we met here via this blog. The pictures below are a sample of the Senior pictures. You can e-mail her at lovemycows@live.com One thing we are blessed by is the endeavors the children/ our young ladies are interested in and how it can be a means for them to expand the borders of their coast but yet still be here at home and under her fathers headship. Thank you Becky and Liz for investing in Anna's photography skills.

School work.....giving orders of the day......clean bathroom......dinner preparations.......and I am sure lots of other stuff......better go!!!!

Party Pictures

Great party, Jeremiah really had a good time!!! We played some games, shooting an arrow and hitting a turkey, hunting for a treasure in the dark with a flashlight, and the little ones went fishing for a prize (inside) David and Katelyn even showed up and "squalked" around with us, they are the chickens!!!!! And look at Micah......he really got into the "Bass Pro Spirit!!!"
Happy Birthday Jeremiah!!!!!!

Jeremiah is 9 !!

Jeremiah and Joel-February 2006

Today is Jeremiah's 9th Birthday!!! It just seems I wrote about his 8th! Been busy getting ready for his "Bass Pro Party." (O, Lord, help me pull this one off!!!) I did go to Bass Pro and I ask a nice man if he had any free paraphernalia, he couldn't help, so I went on getting what I needed there and a nice lady came up to me and ask if I was the one that wanted things for a party!!! Yipee, a woman to the rescue!!!! She gave me posters, tatoos, pencils, frisbees all with their logo on it and even some small Bass Pro bags to put all the party stuff in for each child!!!

Jeremiah.....what a kind and tenderhearted child, very dependable, gets the answers quickly in his school work, loves to hunt/fish, really anything outdoors, looks out for Mercy if she needs assistence, has a good work ethic going, he has a jolly heart and spirit to make us laugh, repentant when given reproof, really a young man packed in a little body!!! Jeremiah is a blessing to our family!! Our prayer for Jeremiah is that soon the Lord would give him the gift of faith and repentance and he would then start a life of service unto the Lord, to be mighty for His Kingdom, to be a Father and Husband (Lord willing) that loves his wife as Christ loves the Church, that he would have victory over sin, the flesh and the enemy all the days of his life and that the Lord would grant godly seed to come forth form his loins until the appearing of Jesus!! A tall prayer, but with the Lord, Jeremiah will go forth!!!!

Jeremiah has requested Mom's Chili, Hot Dogs, Chips and Cokes!! Bethany is making the buns so a little reprieve on the junk!!! He is having TWO desserts, Anna's arm was twisted a bit and he picked Frozen Mocha Tort and Crunchy Peanut Buter Bars!!! I have a few games we are going to play inside to add to the party atmosphere too!!! I'll get a few pictures up on this post later tonight!!

Better go and make my way through all the cedars Josh and Jeremiah cut down outside to decorate with on the table!!!

My Mother......

Grandma and Daniel

Grandma and Caleb

Daniel and Caleb

February 16th.......today is my Mother's birthday and she would be 71! I am the only child and adopted at that when I was 9 months old. She went to be with the Lord, August 9, 1993, 15 1/2 years ago. Caleb and Daniel were almost 6, Bethany had just turned 4, Elijah was 2 1/2 and Anna was almost 11 months when she died. In the fall of 86 she found out she had breast cancer, underwent a mastectomy and chemo and went on to live 7 years cancer free, health and full of energy. Terry and I were married in Nov. of 86 and she and my dad provided a beautiful, huge church wedding! Nine months later we were blessed with our first babies, Caleb and Daniel!! My Mother.......what an incredible woman! Growing up, I did not grasp what a blessing I had, not until Jesus came into my heart, made me anew which was when I was almost 20 years old. At that time with the Lord's grace I sought to make up for lost time. I remember going to them and asking forgiveness for being rebellious, for hurting them and placed myself under them as my authority. My life then was going to church, getting involved in choir and with the ministry of the 10th grade girls Sunday School class and spending time with my Mom and Dad. It was at this church that I met Terry and then you know much of the rest. My Mother (and Dad) were two of the most generous people. The Lord used them in soooo many ways to provide as we got our family started. Her and my dad purchased a home there in Pine Bluff, Ar, allowed us to pick it out and we then rented the home from them. Of course when the boys came, she gave of her time and energy to help. She would come over every morning and help give them a bath, spend time and many times bring food. She was a woman with many talents. She opened her own business when I was about 12 years old, due to the fact she was fustrated at trying to find clothes to fit me. The name of the store was " Cindy's Fashion Shoppe." As I got older I assisted her with that endeavor and she was in busiiness for about 15 years. She was a seamstress, she made many smocked outfits for the boys, she was a decorator of her home and it was always so clean and inviting, she had a green thumb and always had a beautiful back patio with flowers and around their swimming pool, one thing that she could also do was fish!!!! She "out fished" my dad on most occasians. So funny was her fishing tatic, her and my dad would go out and she would have many poles hanging off the boat and he of course would troll her around and she would bring em' in!!! They had a small area in their backyard where they had a garden, she canned and was a wonderful cook! To this day I long for her Homemade Rolls! One of the things that I miss about her the most is her having the opportunity to be with her grandchildren. She loved, adored, her grandchildren, they were her life!!! Like I said her generosity was used of the Lord, she was always buying clothes for the children and blessing our lives with useful things in our home. Even when we moved to Ok, I would receive gifts of $ in the mail, telling me to go buy flowers, or get a freezer or go to Sam's and stock up!! I know Caleb, Daniel, Bethany remember her and I am so very thankful for the good times they had with her and my dad! So today as I remember her and all the touching, memorable, and even funny times we had, I wished that the 20 years of being an "unlovely"daughter outweighed the 11 years of seeking to love her with Jesus' love! Maybe somehow the Lord allowed her heart to feel it double the amount as I by His grace wanted to make up for the "lost time." What a blessing I have.....my Mother!



If you think about it, pray for me in teh coming days/weeks as I, Lord willing have the opportunity to reach out to a mommy of 2 year old twin girls and one went to be with Jesus about two weeks ago.......neuroblastoma, like Joel. I do not have answers, I just have Jesus!! Then Peter said, Silver and gold have I none; but such as I have give I thee..... Acts 3:6