Thursday, December 4, 2008

Though........



My soul hath them still in remembrance.....This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. (Lam.3)

My Little Joel, Though today and the fifty days following are the darkest days of our lives, they do not compare to the three blessed years that you brought pure sunshine to our hearts.

Though the worst news parents could be told in the days ahead, will never outweigh the good news of that day in May that there is two!!

Though the weight of this trial was seemingly unbearable, the weight of you and Josiah in my womb was joy unexplainable!


Though the cries and tears were so painful to hear, your giggles and smiles are ever so dear!

Though the days you have been gone seem so long, it is really gettin' closer, and I 'll keep hangin' on!


Though the day of holding you as you lay still in my arms was breaking my heart, I will never forget the day I first held you, your life at the start.

Though a blanket around you and my arms holding you tight...no more breath.....I will never forget when I first snuggled you all tiny and new and wrapped so tight in a blanket.... we held you in life and in death!
Oh, Lord, I am trying to see what you have done, that it is all by your plans and right that even though this day seemed like the beginning of the end......in eternity it is really the beginning of Joel's life that will never end! Thank you Lord for letting me be Joel's mommy!!

Today in 2006 we headed to the Dr. appointment at 1:30 and Josiah went too, little did we know that by 6:00 pm this evening we would be checked in to a hospital room and all that followed in the next 5o days. How can I not relive these days.....His grace has been abundant and sufficient, His compassions are felt, His mercies meet me everyday........but I still miss him and love him ever so dearly........

We are about 30 minutes away from "Paps" arriving! Earlier I had to send the little ones outside, they were bouncing off the walls, so I told them to "go rake the yard." That should keep them busy for a while I thought, but I looked out there and it was all done so quick, which is great but now they are bouncing again!!!! If I can just contain them a little longer, I will hand them over to their grandfather....hehehehee!!!! Tonight is their "big" night with him and receiving the gifts he got for each. I think the guys are getting home a little early, we'll have a simple meal tonight as I am waiting until Sat. to do our Christmas meal, I figured they would not eat much being too excited and all. The guys are building a house that is about 7000 sq.feet, out of the Build Block, and was it ever cold as they went out the door this morning, but they are dressed for it!! The Lord has been so faithful to provide even now as we head into the winter months.

Anna posted info at the bottom of the last post about the children playing in Guthrie, so if you need that info you'll have to go back and read there. Hope to see some of you and make sure you introduce yourselves !!!

Better go and get ready........

Cindy


8 comments:

-stephanie- said...

a beautiful poem. I'm so sorry that you have to even write something like this.
Have a fun early Christmas.

Jeanne said...

I can feel your heavy heart, and I"m not saying this to be mean but maybe you should considering some type of counseling to help you get though this. I pray for you daily and hope God blesses you in the years to come.

Happy Holidays

The Morris Family said...

Thank you Jeanne, I do receive counsel...everyday from the scriptures... from the Mighty Counselor, but this is something you never get over but He gives grace to get through and there is no time limit, its a long journey and I am so blessed He is by my side every step of the way
Cindy

Jeanne said...

you know Cindy I never thought of it that way. I lost a child in 1986 and there isnt a day that I don't think of her. Sometimes my heart is so heavy that I feel it will burst and then other days it doesnt hurt as much. I guess this will go on till the day I meet her again. God Bless you and your family you have been a great testimony in your faith to God

Emma and Mommy said...

Your words touched my heart this morning, as they always do when you speak of little Joel.

I will continue to pray for you, especially over these next 50 days, when I know at times your heart will feel heavy with grief and your eyes heavy with tears.

I will pray that God grant you the comfort and strength you seek. I pray the happy memories with Joel will overtake the sad ones, and that each day will serve not as a reminder of those dark and scary 50days but of the 3 glorious years the world was blessed with Joel.

I hope you find peace in knowing that Joel's story has helped so many, and touched many hearts, including mine. His life, though short, was full of purpose and meaning not only to you; his family, but the world all around.

God Bless you always

-stephanie- said...

I'm in agreement with Emma's mommies prayer. In Jesus Name...amen.

Anonymous said...

Dear Cindy,
I, too am touched sensing the pain in your heart, and so in agreement with with Emma's Mommy's words. Your response to Jeanne is also so moving to me.Loving you today and thinking of you~
~Christal

Anonymous said...

Cindy...
Our family faithfully visit your blog and pray for you and your family often. Please don't quit blogging. YOu are reaching out to many people..
Jodi and Rick Harrison
Naples FL