Friday, December 19, 2008

Even There......


He did not even have blond hair, he was not even three years old, he was not even an American baby......but he did have dark brown eyes and chubby cheeks.....about 9 months old I would guess...and then the big gulp in my throat. It brought memories of Joel and his dark brown eyes and his fat cheeks that seemed to almost make his smile sag. I saw this little fella at the Christmas play last night. I said before that the "shadow of death" seems to nip at your heals sometimes, but as it comes behind doing that, it just makes me run forward to the "shadow of his wings." That's the only safe place to be from the enemy as he brings doubts of HIS plan. I have been doing really well for a long time and today there is just a swirl of emotions, heaviness, sorrow. Last year as the family was attending the same little play, remember I was home because I did not feel well and later that evening the rest of the miscarriage was complete, and then tonight as we go Christmas caroling, these same folks came to our house in Dec. 06, to sing to Joel. I remember it so vividly, I held him at the window and he was quite amused with their singing. And just look at that picture I posted, the 19th of Dec. 2006, he was acting like such a "monkey." I was crying this morning, and just ask the Lord for His mercy and please just give me a "word" from Him today through His word, He is so faithful. Ps.139:10, Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. "Even there," those two words leaped out to my heart and embraced the hurt. "Even there" the darkest place, the deepest place, the place we hope to never be, the sometimes lonely place, there where it sometimes seems hopeless, even there, where you feel like you can not get up one more time....."Even there" He will lead and hold me, I need leading and I need holding by Him today.......I just need to melt before Him, in His bosom, in the shadow of His wings........I will........

Today is a BIG day for the guys at work. They are pouring the concrete in the forms of the Build Block. We are so thankful for the weather. I asked Terry how many cement trucks, and he said they would start with 7 and and bring more if needed.....thats BIG!!! I guess pray if you think about it, for success!!

Anna is going to order her camera today....Yipee, for me too, I am having a picture withdrawls!! Terry's folks are coming on Sunday, so we are looking forward to "fun" with grandparents. Oh...just for your info, do you all ever check out the Craigslist? Anna sold her camera off there and thats where we found the treadmill in like new condition for a great price. A good resource if your looking or wanting to sell an item.

She did it!!!!! Mercy laid on her mattress and went to sleep for the first time at night last night. Sometime in the early morning, I felt a little warm thing beside me, but thats ok, she did good on the front end!!!

I am borrowing David's camera to take some pictures of the job, so I might post some later today, otherwise, have a great weekend!!!!

Cindy

P.S. I made an edit at the top of the last post, I would appreciate it if you would look at it, thanks!

1 comment:

Emma and Mommy said...

I have always loved that picture of Joel, he does look like a little monkey and it makes me smile everytime I see it.

I am sorry you are feeling such a swirl of emotions lately. I think Christmas really makes us miss the ones we love, plus this is during those 50 days. I will pray for you, and I know the Lord will send you comfort.

I saw on the news this morning where your friend Michelle Duggar had her little girl yesterday! Oh how excited their family must be, and I prayed for them this morning, and it was a prayer of thanksgiving. Jordyn-Grace is beautiful in the pictures online. What a blessing.