Tuesday, February 19, 2008


The mornings are always the hardest for me....to awake and have to face that fact of he is not here, he is not going to come snuggle up in my arms as he is rubbing his eyes trying to get awake. It is not that I am wrestling with God, I really am in my heart resting but I still miss Joel. I still love him, I still am going to talk about him, I am still going to cry, I am still going to tell memories about him, he is still my little boy.....he is just out of my sight for a little while. The little poems I write are so simple I know but they allow me to tell about my Joel, his cute little self, his huge personality, and his unforgettable smile!

I Love You

I love you, Joel, your toes your feet
I love to whisper your name so sweet

I love your snuggles in the morniings as you wake
I l0ve your toast and eggs to make

I love to help you in jeans get dressed
I love to wipe your face a mess

I love to brush your hair to side
I love to watch your hands in pockets hide

I love to hold and read a book or two
I love to kneel and pray with you

I love to see "Siah" by your side
I love treasures received you two could find

I love your arms around my neck so tight
I love your kisses as I said "good-night"

I love the adventures and fun you thought
I love the flowers to me you brought

I love to see you play with toys
I love to hear your laughs with joy

I love to hold your hand on walks
I love to hear your silly talks

I love to see you do "monkey belly"
I love to fix you peanut jelly

I love to tell you "I Love You"
I love you to tell me too

I love you in this life awhile
I love you in death, as I await your smile

I love the blessing you are to me
I love the coming of Christ, for your smile to see!!!

I love you, Joel

I read Ps.139 this morning and again just the wonder of a child and the miracle of God's weaving and fashioning of that tiiny frame and the joy of being able to recieve that blessing and nurture him, that just made me want to do something special for Joel. Who knows if the Lord dosen't whisper in Joel's ear how special he is to us still! Maybe the poem is a belated Valentine to my Joel.
I read the devotion for today in Morning and Evening by Charles Spurgeon and wanted to share it, it is a little long but it blessed me. In my narrow thinking and in my mommy heart it is hard for me to think of ANYTHING worth losing my little Joel over, but I know that the Lord works outside of my finite thinking and how wonderful that is! I know there are plans and workings that I will and others will say thank you to Joel and mostly to the Lord for bringing these providences to pass when we see face to face. And too, that attitude would not be right to hold because if it were so then the Lord would not have sent his Son, because he would say we are not worth it, but his amazing love looked to the need of us poor, wretched creatures and had mercy to send his Son to die for sinners. So as I read this devotion, one day we will know.......

"Shew me wherefore thou contendest with me." ~Job 10:2
Perhaps, O tried soul, the Lord is doing this to develope thy graces. There are some of thy graces which would never be discovered if it were not for thy trials. Dost thou not know that thy faith never looks so grand in summer weather as it does in winter? Love is too often like a glow-worm, showing but little light except it be in the midst of surrouning darkness. Hope itself is like a star--not to be seem in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity. Afflictions are often the black foils in which God doth set the jewels of His children's graces, to make them shine the better. It was but a little while ago that on thy knees that wast saying, "Lord, I fear I have no faith: let me know that I have faith." Was not this really, though perhaps unconsciously, praying for trials? For how canst thou know that thoud hast faith until thy faith is exersized? Depend upon it, God often sends us trials that our graces may be discovered, and that we may be certified of their existence. Besides, it is not merely discovery, real growth in grace is the result of sanctified trials. God often takes away our comforts an our privledges in order to make us better Christians. He trains His soldiers, not in tents of ease and luxery, but by hard service. He makes them ford through streams, and swim through rivers, and climb mountains, and walk many a long mile with heavy knapsacks of sorrow on their backs. Well, Christian, may not this account for the troubles through which thou art passing? Is not the Lord bringing out your graces, and making them grow? Is not this the reason why He is contending with you?

May the Lord send blessings to you today, and tell your children you "LOVE THEM"


Lockwoods said...

Thank you for sharing Spurgeon's devotion for the day. It is so good of the Lord to give us a sweet word of encouragement and comfort to strengthen our hearts when we need it. I pray for you often that the Lord's grace would continue to more than meet your every need day to day.
Your sweet poems always leave me in tears along with an unstoppable urge to just hold, snuggle and love on my little ones.
love and prayers,

Laura said...

Hi Cindy, I'm finally delurking... I just wanted to say how much I have been blessed and encouraged by your blog. Thank you so much for sharing everything you've been through and are going through. It has really given me a new perspective on my own life and my faith.
May God continue to bless you and your (would you believe that I was going to say, little?!!) family! :)