Thursday, February 28, 2008

God's Plan...

God's ways and thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He always has a bigger picture in mind, sometimes we are blessed to be able to discover deep things out of the darkness and then sometimes it might only be revealed in eternity. I read this verse this morning in Ecc. 7:3-4. Sorrow is better than laughter; for by the saddness of the countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. It says a heart is made better because of sorrow, and wisdom comes through mourning. In my thinking I would have wanted to pick a different plan, but who knows how my plan would have ended. You see, God has a end in mind and thankfully He can see it. I cannot see the end so if left to my plan I would be wandering here and there trying to arrive at something I know nothing about. I have come to love the words that go beyond our humaness. Words like everlasting and infinite, they tell me about the one who is working out this plan and it exceeds far above what I can think of. Back in the summer my heart was not open to receiving God's plan, I was mad at God and in my heart I felt like I was at a road block. Now as the winter has somewhat passed and by God's grace upon my heart I am open, ready, embracing His plan. I am ready to go to new heights and know and understand the deep things of this darkness. I'm wanting God to teach me and I want to "wring" out all I can from this journey, all that is in accordance to his will that he might show and teach me in this life. I want my heart to be made better, I want that wisdom that comes from sorrow and mourning. So like it says in Ps. 62:50 expectation is from him...I am looking with expectation to the Lord. I wake up with somewhat of an expectancy of what will the Lord do today for me spiritually and temporarily. Remember how I said awhile back, I was asking God for a blessing everyday, not because I deserve it but like Jacob asking God for a blessing. Sometimes I lay in bed and have to think hard of the day and see what it was, other times it's more visible. It might be in a small package like Mercy saying all on her own, "I wuv uuuu" and hugging my neck. It might be a temporal blessing of receiving phone calls for more jobs. It might be news and information of how Joel's DVD is going forth in other distributive ways. Yesterday it was receiving information from a mom tht I do not know, but she had been reading my blog and she has recently been separated from her infant son after 9-1/2 hours of life with him. The Lord blessed me in the fact that I could reach out and hopefully be of some comfort to this Mommy with the comfort I have received of the Lord. Thank you Lord for your blessing yesterday. If I do not see an obvious blessing there are certainly blessings I can acknowledge... life itself, my husband and my children. Sometimes I think I grieve God for not telling him thank you. So through sorrow and mourning my heart is made better and I receive wisdom. I guess I feel like there is some sort of gain from this journey. Wisdome to share with another grieving Mommy truths that God has shown me in his word. Today there is strength in heart as I see in my finite way God's plan. I cannot see the end, but I trust for the end, like the last verse in Daniel 12:13 says. But go though thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days. Eventually there will be an end and in eternity there will be rest.

After I write a poem about Joel it's hard for me to make another post because I don't want the poem to go away, I'm so tied to it because of the feelings I expressed for Joel through it. It feels like I'm scrolling him away. I wish I could have them up all the time, not because they are great, but the represent my little Joel and how much I miss him and love him. Guess what????I have already recieved my blessing for today...I came in this morning and told Bethany what I wanted to do and she did it!!!! Bethany made a link to post all the poems I wrote to Joel, its over on the side, Joel's Poems. Thanks Bethany for blessing me today!!!!!

Goat births have slowed down until March. It's been busy! Bethany has done a great job. And Andrew and Anna have been faithful assitants.

Josiah helped me clean out some of the flowerbeds yesterday, he thinks it is starting to look like spring. He went barefoot yesterday!

Another head injury!!!! Josiah is ok!! It went something like this......we finished supper and just sitting around, Hosanna, Josiah and Mercy were playing in the sheet closet in the hallway, the one I reorganized a few days ago. I had seen them playing in it several times and as I passed I would say "be careful, don't mash fingers." Well, we heard a blood curddling scream, (Josiah's) then Mercy screams out of fear, 11 people are dashing back, I slow down to let the others go ahead, (this all happens so very fast, yet my mind is thinking so very fast) My mommy part of me was envisioning Josiah all splattered on the floor and my heart was screaming inside to the Lord, "oh, not him to." Ever since Joel's situation I do not do well with injuries. We grabbed him up, he had climbed up the shelves in the closet about 4 feet and lost his balance and fell down and hit the back of his head. I was just waiting for the concussion to start, throwing up or eyes rolling. We took him outside in the brisk air and kept talking to him and he appeared ok, His lips did not turn white so I was hopeful that he would bounce back. For the next hour or so we kept asking him questions and he communicated well. This is his third head injury in about 6 months, remember he fell off the chair and hit the bricks and then in the summer, while my dad was here he came in the house screaming and blood running all down his face, he had ran into a pointed end of a table saw. All these head injuries are not helping my nerves! He's fine though and I have regained my heart that felt like leaped out.

May the Lord bless the rest of your week......I am ready for the downhill swing , as we maxed out with the head injury!!!! P.S. I know this is not in the "code of etiquette," but Mercy is so cute as she broadens her vocabulary, we were eating lunch and she said,"do tooters."( that meant SHE did it) She is learning far too much from her brothers :) In the pic Mercy is NOT getting her first kiss, Josiah was just talking to her :)



Emma R. said...

I love the idea of putting Joel's Poems on the side like. What a wonderful thing Bethany helped you do.

I am glad Josiah is ok. Its an ongoing joke in our house that if the kids get hurt as long as they hit their heads we are ok! LOL My kids have hard heads just like their daddy. But Derek and Ella have both had stiches too.

I still really enjoy reading your blog. Your choice of words is always so beautiful and I love how you look at life. Even in such sadness and sorrow you still manage to figure out how to make sense out of things and see the good in all that is around you. You are a wonderful person.

God Bless--Lori

Annie said...

Those last two pictures are priceless!

Wow, Ecc. 7:3-4 is so true! Not necessarily what I wish were true but true nonetheless. Maybe that is why I feel so much older after the last two and a half years...wisdom. And yet, I still have so much to learn. Sometimes I wish I didn't have wisdom in some of the areas I do, but I guess it is God's will. I can't argue with Him, only accept what He is doing in my life and try to be what He would have me be. Because without Him I couldn't live. Thank you for sharing. You have touched my heart again.

Annie in CA ~

Jennifer said...

Just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your blog. I have 2 little ones - 2 1/2 and 1 yr - and many times as I struggle to get them both to bed or settle a restless one in the middle of the night and I am feeling frustrated I think of you and how you would give just about anything to be "stuck up" in the middle of the night with little Joel. It reminds me to pray for you and to hold my little boys a bit closer and treasure the moment I have to hold them and not regret lost sleep or quiet time. Your perspective on life blesses me and I just wanted to let you know.

Laura said...

Those pictures are so beautiful! I love the hand holding one. And the "do tooters" thing...that's just classic! LOL