Monday, March 16, 2009


Everyone is doing a "good job" with the Caption Contest, ( see post below) keep it up and we'll see who wins on Tuesday. Winner to be announced at noon central standard time!!!!!

I read a scripture the other day and have been thinking upon it for several days. Luke 17:19-20, There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously every day: and there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at the gate full of sores. Do you ever just look around and question "life?" Two different people, one fared everyday and the other was laid at the gate everyday. I know for me, in my fleshly sinful thoughts, I get mad that some seem to "fare" so well and seem to sail through life without a tear in their sail, they seem to have never "laid at the gate." And then lets quickly get to the end of the story, the one that fared on earth did not fare so well in the end and the one that laid at the gate received full recompense in the end. Jesus said on his way to Jerusalem that he must suffer first. One way to have fellowship with the Lord is to enter into sufferings, that I might know him and the fellowship of his be laid at the gate.

Like I heard a mom say and I felt this myself before I heard her say it, even if God were to give me an answer as "why," what answer would be good enough for my mommy heart. "I think I would still argue," she said and I would too. I do not want to be bitter at God or others who have not had trials, I am going to be asking the Lord to remove any seeds that could be springing up in my heart. Sunday's seem to be a harder day than other days. To slow down and to see families all gathered together and as our own family gathers at church, he is not here with us and it is more noticeable to my heart. I find myself more teary. It's kinda like my "file cabinet" got dumped out and scrambled up and as I lay in bed Sunday evening, I was crying and really sad with the Lord. I know its momentarily and I will by his grace put all the "files" back into the right category, like this is for my good, all his works are done in truth and righteousness and all the great truths that stabilize my heart but for a moment I have to allow the emotions to unleash. You know it in your head but I have to continually to make it effective to my heart and the way you do that is, you go back to the basics of who God is, his character, his person, his words! A mommy will always miss and long for their child, its wrought and embedded in my heart, you never get "over" this, you just walk through it by his grace. There is never a point that that you arrive at this place of a "grieving summit" and from their you got it all together and you skip on along. As long as the enemy is still on the loose, the teller of lies will seek to rob and try to steal those bedrock truths from my heart that I hang on to, so the path ahead is a difficult one but One is mightier than the enemy and He will be my Guide. I like to think of the picture of us as parents and all that we would and want to do for our children, how much we love them, how we would give our very lives for them, how we want the very best for them, how much more is it so for us and the Father of our souls. I already feel better than how my whole day went on Sunday. I also need to be careful as to not be like Martha and be "cumbered about" with cares of getting things so ready for people that gather at our home on Sunday evenings. I am an organizer and I like things to be just "so." All of my woes just tell me how much I need Christ, I need him each day, each moment.....Oh, Lord, I am a beggar before your throne!!!

1 comment:

The Cole Family said...


I have really been meditating on Psalm 77 lately. It talks about what you just shared. All of the whys....I am like you...I just pray that God will remove those seeds of bitterness, doubt, anger, on and on. Sometimes I see little "shoots" coming up (sin) and I have to quickly clip them off or I will give into those thoughts and be a terrible person to be around.

God is good and it is only by His mercy that I have anything. I look at people who still have their parents, those still having children, those who never lost a child, etc.. I get really sad....but then I have to redirect my thinking to the fact that I really don't deserve anything but hell and it is only by God's grace that I had those people with me for the time that I did. I will see them again. I pray for more children and I get sad at God when I look at how Samuel is going to be 4 and he is my youngest. But, I am so thankful that I have what I have. I could've had none. It is just a continual process of falling and getting back up on the rock. God's grace is sufficient for me and I have to keep going back to that. The hard part is when I stay off the rock for too long.