I Miss Him Today.....

Will Not....

Sometimes it just doesn't make sense
That all this is working for good
There is so much I 'm going to miss
Because the seen is not understood
I will not get to see you climb farm trees
Wear holes in your jeans, and get dirty knees
I will not get to see your first tooth come out
Or ride a bike with "Siah" no doubt
I will not get to see you do your school
Writing, math and using daddies tools
I will not get to watch you grow taller
Nor see your hand lead Mercy cause' she's smaller
I will not get to see you blow out candles, parties and cakes
Creating, building toys you would make
I will not get to hear your voice change as you become a young man
I will not get to see your shoulders broaden and hold your rough calloused hands
I will not get to hear you pray for strength from above
I will not get to see a bride whom you could love
I will not get to see your generations to come
A family, a heritage, victories won
I can hardly bear the hopes and dreams that will not be
O Lord, give me eyes of faith to look beyond what I can see!!

I am missing Joel today, everyday..... I have been reading in the book of Joel, I don't know, just thinking of who he was named after, who he might have been. Most mornings soon upon waking I have the thoughts of what would he be doing today?? The void will always bring thoughts of what life would be like if he were here. One verse stood out, 3:16, The Lord also shall roar out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem; and the heavens and the earth shall shake: but the Lord will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel. At some point in each of our lives more than likely we will experience a "shaking" that will seem like we are utterly being swallowed by heaven and earth. Ours is the separation with Joel. In the midst of this shaking event the Lord says that he is our hope. No matter how despairing, dark, painful our circumstances bring us to, Jehovah is God( that is what Joel's name means) he is our hope. The everyday associations with Joel's life is so hard, just looking around and seeing the things he touched, places he played, toys that he enjoyed, chairs he sat in, it is sometimes the strangest feeling too, that yes he was here and now he is not. Time is not a friend, it seems so long that I had him here and it seems so long until I will see him again. I am clinging to the hope but it does not diminish the daily pain of missing him!! I try so hard sometimes in my memory to remember his face, his voice, his smell, the way his little hands were always so rough, Josiah brings comfort as I imagine of who Joel would be, but none can take his place. There are probably some that wonder, "well you have so many more children," that is true but I have often thought of that parable of the lost coin or the lost sheep, it was only one, but they searched, they looked, it was missing I have other children but one is not here. I just miss him..........

Mundane stuff getting done around here today....the girls have not ironed in ever so long, so they have a mountain of that to do. Who likes that job??????????? I do not and neither do they but it must be done!!!! Anna has been making zucchini bread like crazy!!!! The guys are in the Norman area building a Build Block house and barn for a home owner. Once again they are introduced to folks that bring friendships and able to share about the Lord one way or another, and they have many funny stories that they share with us!! So thankful for this new era of work the Lord has led our family into. I know Terry's heart is filled with an overflow as he gets to work with his best friends....his sons!!!

Andrew has improved 100% so we are so thankful for the means of the treatments. He has to go back in tomorrow and they will check his blood oxygen levels, I feel confident it will be in the upper 90"s.

I just want to take a minute here and say thank you to so many that continue to e-mail and share comments expressing their words of comfort and encourage us on this journey. So many friends via this journey. Two main sources of how we are "making it!" The first is the Lord of course, his truths and his mercies and then the second is folks like you, seeking to intercede on our behalf, sharing tears of sorrow and words of hope with us. Our friendship borders have been expanded in such a way that I hope we are all growing and learning of our great God!! I can not even imagine traveling where we have traveled without either. I have enjoyed the "meeting" of so many, your families, your endeavors and your visions. I find I want to give something back to you and yet what???? I will just give you a blessing.......... "May the Lord of heaven and earth grant every desire according to his will in your lives, make you fruitful with thousands in Israel, bless you with generations of faith through your children until the appearing of the Lord Jesus, that love would abound in your homes through each relationship, that every need would be met over and beyond what is requested, that there would be a spirit of gratefulness and may the Lord be honored in your lives and families!!!"

Cindy