Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Being Made Whole!
I have read many, many entries from other grieving mommy's of babies and toddlers. Their words could be my words and my words could be theirs. We are all sharing the same feelings and heartache in much the same way. One common sorrowing phrase that we express is the "gaping" hole we feel within our hearts, we feel like we are not "whole anymore." 17 months have passed since Joel was with us and it has been a process, I am not done with it and whoever could be but I do think we can move forward with a hope that the "hole" we have can be filled somewhat in this life. I read a scripture this morning and though I am not totally there it gave me a vision that I can go forward in this life. I do not know how long it will take, but I was thankful for the Lords word to my heart today! Luke 17:15, 16, 19 And one of them, when he saw that he was healed, turned back, and with a loud voice glorified God, and fell down on his face at his feet giving thanks: and he was a Samaritan. (19) And he said unto him, Arise, go thy way: thy faith has made thee whole. I think one of the steps of being made whole is to be thankful and grateful. Now, for me through the first year there was not an ounce of thankfulness in me and if I voiced it, it was not a well- spring arising up out of my heart. I certainly passed through the anger phase and I really do not know once you go through it, if it is all said and done or if it will creep back at any given time. Since we are so inclined by our sin nature, I think we will have to be on guard for that attack and combat it through the word if needed. I really was blessed by the order that the scripture gave as to when the "thankfulness" was expressed. He turned "back" and that showed me that the Lord understands that we might not can express this at first, maybe not even the first year like me, but there will be a time that we will be able to turn back and express thankfulness. Then, after this true heart of thankfulness we can be made whole through the faith that is grown and given, thy faith has made thee whole. In my own reasoning I can not see how I can be made whole when Joel is missing, his bodily presence is gone, yet through faith, through trusting in God's plan, through Jesus filling that hole, I can be made whole. Like I said I want to embrace this, it is so hard to see the "thankful" things, but I did name some to the Lord this morning with tears. May those that are reading this and have had their hearts broken as well, be encouraged. Probably most that read this have not had such a trial, but are experiencing a gaping whole in another form, there too, begin to express thankfulness for what you do see and allow the Lord to make thee whole with thy faith. Of course there are perhaps some that have not been made whole through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior, may he work his work in each heart.
We are in "fun mode." Bethany's friend Danielle is here, but we are still keeping up with our schedule and having fun fellowship too. Today, our cleaning day. We are going to try to fix some Chinese food for supper, homemade egg rolls and some won ton things, and rice, our chicken and our veggies!!!!
Thankfully the guys finished up in Watonga and they are in the Norman area for a week or so. The guys waxed their truck, they are so funny hopping all around on springs of excitement!! Last night they tore out the girls room carpet, after 14 years and are putting hardwood floors in. We have hardwood floors in the halls, living and dining. Us girls are so glad for the nice clean room to be!!!! One project at a time.....
Oh,!!! the picture above with Hosanna, those are Anna's pumpkin vines, are they are sooo huge and taking over the garden, it will be fun to see if we get pumpkins from them!!!
Blessings to you!!!