Faith.....

OK....I am thinking here, or writing it out rather....I have often wondered why the Lord just did not heal Joel, He surely would have been praised and got glory, but obviously that was not the plan and He desired a greater glory, a glory that would not be brief and then soon forgotten, but a glory that might be long term, allowing others to see a faith tried and tested and then coming forth and not crumbling. If the Lord would have healed Joel, we would have pretty much went on with our lives and perhaps those that we have come to know through his sickness, they too would have went on their way and our lives would return to the "normal." I would more than likely ran out of things to say and this blog would soon wither, our lives would be swallowed up with business, yours too as time went on. We would not have had our faith stretched, it would have been a faith that lasted only until the next crises, but as it is, many of you are still looking into our lives viewing our faith, your are seeing faith lived out ( only by the grace of God, because this trial has literally brought me to the lowest, I have questioned God, I have been sick of him and his plan, I have wondered if all this faith and looking to someone we cannot see is really real, so it is by His grace that I am still going forward) you are seeing faith agonize, your seeing if the faith will carry us through to the next need. Quick fixes often bring big crowds and then they disperse. What produces long term faith is long term suffering and that is what I believe the Lord is doing and the way He is receiving the most glory. You see it is this word we call "faith" that links us to the unseen, this mysterious word that is called faith compels us to speak and pray to Someone we cannot see, this word faith springs in us a hope that this life is not what life is really all about. This little word faith is what we hinge our whole lives on, faith in the truth. Without faith it is impossible to please God. You see before Joel became sick, I had faith, but it was puny, little and weak. I prayed and made requests known and thought it would be wonderful if the Lord answered, but it was more like "oh well," I kinda thought he was there somewhere. The first year of Joel not being here with us, I picture my faith as one surfing on top and going through all the motions but not feeling all the emotions, a numbness. Now this second year, this faith is searching, looking, I am desperate, I have never thought of dumping the Lord until these last few months, but I have mechanically been moving forward doing what I know to do next, reading, praying, spending time with the Lord, and now I feel like I am able to maybe say in a small way what Job said I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now my eye seeth thee. God desires a faith that withstands, that does not give up, that endures, I have not had that. Faith is that substance that leaps out and believes when all is dark, when it feels like God is no where. I have faith when I "feel" the Lord. So this trial is most likely just for me, to give me real faith. My flesh, my mommy heart had rather have Joel, than faith, but it is once again faith that will please the Lord, it is faith that will get me through life, Joel is an incredible blessing, but he will not give me what my heart really longs for, only Jesus can fill that and that which is between Him and me is the faith, the cross, the truth!! It is like a picture that came to my mind...I pictured a puzzle of our family and a piece is missing, it has a certain shape, all that I have now even with all the children that are here, all the blessings of this life cannot fill that particular shape that is missing. The only one that can conform to that missing shape is Jesus. I will miss Joel as long as I have breath in me, I will continue to hurt and have tears, but while I am here, Jesus can fill that missing piece and I can continue on until I get to that unseen world where Joel is. I read a verse in Heb.2:8-9, ...But now we see not yet all things put under him, (9) But we see Jesus...... At this very time, we still are experiencing death, sickness, sadness, pain, suffering, and the sins of this world, but one day those things will be no more, either when we individually exit this life or at the consummation of time. So what do we do in the mean time....the next verse tells us how to get through until then.... "but we see Jesus." We see him through his word and we look with "faith" to what will take place. I thought of another probably weak illustration, but it became more clear as I pondered it.....remember I mentioned awhile back of prayers I was praying and waiting for the Lord to answer, one of those prayers I have been praying is that the Lord would provide the guys a work truck. In my mind I thought of all these exciting supernatural ways the Lord could provide and for a brief moment we even thought of a way to lease the truck and get it quickly. Now if the Lord had done that through one of those ways, we would have been excited and said "the Lord provided," we would have said "thank you, Lord," gone on our way and most likely faith would not have grown. As it is, we are still praying, still making our request known, our faith is being exercised, stretched, we are laboring for a desire through prayer. When the Lord sees fit to answer this, how much more will our faith be established. The scripture is true not only on the physical sense of "in all labor there is profit," but in the spiritual sense too, as we labor in prayer, it is to our profit!! I sense my faith has shifted somewhat to a different level, a faith that believes He is there, He does see and know my hurt and His plan is best. Faith is not faith if it is all seen and laid out before us.

The guys were back to Watonga yesterday and will get in tonight, Lord willing!! Thursday we plan to butcher the last of the chickens. Caleb, Daniel and Elijah gave Bethany and Anna some money to buy some new clothes, so they are possibly going shopping with the Burnett women tomorrow.( the picture above is one of their new shirts) The van is suppose to be ready Wednesday, YEA!!!! So that is how the rest of the week looks!!!! Josiah blessed me with some "country flowers," he already knows how to win a womans heart!!!!

May the Lord continue to accomplish his wonderful will through Joel's trial........

Cindy