Getting ready for "Paps"(my dad) to arrive after lunch. Rushing around doing some cleaning and all the chores. The guys had a very long day of work yesterday, they did not get home until 11:45 p.m. Concrete job that was scheduled to be a two day job and was completed in one day and we had lots of rain and hail around 11:15 p.m., so it seemed like a short night. Josiah had a stomach bug yesterday morning or something, but he seems to be feeling better today.
I mentioned in an earlier post of waiting on the Lord to answer some specific prayers, some of them will not likely be answered soon, nevertheless I find myself being more concerned than I should be of how it might all work out. Questions come to mind of how, when, who, and in my mind it can be like a mountain to climb and questions along the way. So this morning I read a few scriptures that will help me to meditate on to know that it will all work out. I am finding the resurrection story to be more meaningful in my heart especially as it is the powerful truth that tells me that I will see Joel again, so I read it more often and as I read this morning I found another application concerning questions that I have for the future of our children. Mark 16:3-4 And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre? And when they looked they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great. So here were some that had questions to an upcoming situation, I do not think questions are wrong, unless they cause us to worry, but if we can turn them into a prayer and look to the one that can answer them, by the time they got there there concern was already taken care of, the stone was already removed. That encouraged me with the thought that in the Lord's time he will order the steps and work it all out. And it says it was very great, so even if "my" situation seems extra difficult, it will not be a problem for the Lord!! Also in verse 7, he goeth before you, I love to hang on to little phrases like this, every word is alive and powerful, that tells me that Jesus is always before me what ever I may face. If I face sorrow, he has been there before me, if I face physical pain, he has endured that pain before me, if I have to be seperated from ones I love, he was seperated from his Father first, if I have to go through temptations, he has gone before me and was tempted in the wilderness, whatever comes my way, he has gone before me and experienced it before I. I was comforted with that thought. It seems the Lord continues to help me along in my grieving, there were two little phrases that leaped out to me as I read in verse 6 he is not here, Joel is not in the grave, he is with the Lord and in verse 7, there shall ye see him, it is there in that city of God I shall see him again. These small truths keep me going and give me hope, because somedays I just seem to run out of steam and throughout the day the tears just seem to fall as I might see Mercy doing something and it reminds me of Joel or conversations I have with Josiah or Hosanna and we talk about Joel and remember when.... Mercy's voice sounds like Joel's when she says "Siah," and when she does this certain gut laugh, she sounds like Joel laughing. It is a happy moment and sad at the same time. The Lord is faithful as we walk on the grieving path. I was thinking the other day, about the "group" I am a member of, until I became a member I did not realize on a daily basis of how many there are in the same group, mommy's that are seperated from their children through a death. I have read about more children that have died with NB alone (not counting all the other horrible diseases and illness) in a years time than in my whole life. Of course I was not even aware of NB until Joel, but really have not had but maybe one or two other families that suffered a loss of a child that we even knew. Being a member of this "group" has made me more aware to pray for others and to be able to share the comfort I have been shown with others that the Lord has comforted us with. It was a group that was planned and prepared that I, we, be a member of so it is in that perspective I can know that the Lord is working in ways that are too wonderful for me to know all of them. I still miss him, I still cry, I still yearn to hold him and take care of him....he can not come to me, but I will go to him!!!
Guess I had better go and do "my" stuff, as the children are working and here I sit. Gotta figure out something yummy to fix for supper. Oh, I was going to see how many people are out there reading this blog, would you be willing to drop us a comment, it can be anomymous if you want or leave your name, either way, and just say "hi from Texas," or where ever you are, I do not need names anyway. Just curious. Thought it would be fun too!
Anna had the idea from another blog she reads. Hope you will participate!!
Have a good start of the week!!!! * Since I posted earlier, we are getting such sweet comments, I know I am encouraged and I know you will be too!!! Thank you for participating!!
( thought you might like to see some surroundings... the picture of the long road is outside our front gate and Anna was standing up around the cemetary when she took it, and I am so thankful it is so close to our house. and then you have our front entry cedar archway driveway to our house and then the picture of our house, the gravel road you see right in front of the house is a road up to the barn. And Hosanna has her own beautiful flower bed!!!