I need to put this day in fast forward and get it over with....not going so well! First I had to go to OKC and see about those shirts and finish my plan with them, for the family picture, because we are are going to have to take it sooner than I had planned. The American Family Association has a magazine that an article of Joel, his journey and our family will be in this June and the young lady we are in contact with says she needs the picture by next Friday. I could use another one, but I just wanted to take one with more spring or summer clothes verses the one we took around Christmas. So I had to go back once again to the western store that brings poingnant memories of Joel. It is a "place" that Joel was at and getting something he treasured and looked forward to, the "cowhat" that he got in Aug.06 and then the boots on Dec. 14, 06. I remember carring him in because he could not walk so well, sitting him down and we tried them on, Josiah his on and we also got two little cowboy shirts. He had them 15 days until he went into the coma, he wore them the day we went back for his second round of chemo, we brought the boots home in his suitcase, but no little feet to fill them, so now they sit on our firplace mantle. I was crying so hard Icould barely see to drive. The hurt is so deep, I cannot explain it unless your a mommy and know it yourself. Maybe I was just ready for a good cry, either way, it was released until the next one. So I got back home and there were a few minor problems with the shirts, (the girls), but I think I can fix that with my serger and sewing machine that I proceeded to use and spent way too long trying to get the needle threaded to my serger, got it threaded and then the needle broke, and no more needles, so I called my neighbor and she said I could pop over and use hers. I go outside to get in the vehicle and no vehicle. I forgot Terry was using one and the boys the other. I went to do some ironing and half way through, I noticed these deep scratches on the wood floor because the little rubber things are gone and the ironing board was rubbing back and forth and left them. So I am waiting for Terry to get back and I still have so very much to do....like fix supper, lunch for church, finish cleaning the house and get others to do their stuff, and cut a few of the boys hair. When I get like this, I do not always respond in the spirit and I do not always have a smile....so I am going to make a decesion and do what this scripture says in Ps. 42, why art thou cast down, O my soul?and why atr thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countance and my God. I need help with my heart and countance, I am going to hope in the Lord and know that this day was not a total failure.
Yesterday the children were playing in the dirt and adding water and you get red clay. They made some beautiful creations. Micah made the little stone with "I Love You Joel" on it. Joshua and Jeremiah made flower pots. I talked to them about how we are the clay and the Lord is a potter and how he wants to mold us into his image, and sometimes the molding procedures hurt, but the finished product will be a beautiful creation!!
Since I started this, things are looking up, the guys got back and they are getting the outside in order and we are making some progress! God is redeeming the day!!! Perspective is my problem!
Oh!!! I have to tell you what Anna made last night.....homemade donuts, they were absolutely the best I have ever had and sorry Mr. Donut man, they passed yours up! Look at the pictures, they even looked great. Our crew was all over them.
Thanks for listening to me ramble today, I feel better already. Have a nice evening.