Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Everthing is OK

I had a friend call me today to see if everything is ok. I guess since I have not posted in a little bit she was wondering. I was happily surprised with her care. I too told her, sometimes I wonder if folks get tired of hearing about my grieving phases, but that is where I am right now. I am going forward as I mentioned, seeking to enjoy my husband, my children, my life even in the midst of grieving my little Joel. I am grieving, but not without hope, I cry, I miss him and I do not put myself on a time table or am concerned about how a book might say how long it will take, from my perspective you do not ever get over this, you just learn to live with it, seeking to trust and rest in the Lord that he has and is working all this for my good and his glory. To be honest I do not see much good that has happened, I can't think of anything that would be worth my Joel not being here, yet that is where the unseen comes in, and believe me "it ain't easy!!!!" I am the type that likes to SEE things happening, Terry will vouch for that. Like I said before, it is a constant battle of the knowing and feeling. Nobody could ever convince me that a physical exercise could be harder than spiritual exercise, seeing that we are dealing with principalities, powers and a ground that Satan can easily entangle us, our THOUGHTS! Sometimes I feel so tired in my mind. Over and over images of Joel are before me, of his birth, his happy 3 years, and then his trial. I have to force my thoughts to stay upon the happy times otherwise I get really down and if I find myself there, the only deliverence is in the scriptures. I read a scripture in Ps 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters therefore roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.Selah. Here is the truth that I must stay upon, he is my refuge, my strength and he is present while I am in my troubles. Form the next two verses it sounds like all the "ifs, and, buts" are coverd as to the type of troubles that we might have to go through and anything that is in between. Joel has been removed from our care, this seems like a mountain of a trial, my heart is roaring of pain, our lives have been shaken, it just seems sometimes the swelling of heart ache is going to explode, yet the Lord says he is with me! I go forward in that truth.

As to stuff around here, we are just getting ready for "parties." Mercy's is tomorrow (19th) She is having a Bunny Party. I hope to post tomorrow about her little day. She is singing "happy birthday to me." I do not think she understands it all but its fun for us!!! Then Andrew's on Friday, whew, this is going to be his big one, 12 years old, a young man!! (according to the scriptures) I plan on grocery shopping Thursday so I can have Friday to plan and set up outside for the evening. We'll let you peek at our fun for that!!!!

Rain has held up some work\jobs for the guys but they have accomplished alot around here. Clean up and things outside. Not long tilll we will eat our spinach. Terry brought in a few green onions last night and passed them out. Yummy fresh stuf coming, Lord willing!!

Hosanna lost her first top tooth this week, she looks so sweet. Daniel got contacts, so he is doing well with the adjustment. Caleb already had contacts. I love my glasses so I will stick with "em."

So as you hear, not much happening around here.... Just doing stuff like you do everyday. May the Lord bless you and until next time......Rejoice, for its a day the Lord has made!!!


1 comment:

Grana said...

I love to read about your goings on! I never get tired of reading about your day or what's new! I love the fact that you are transparent with what you are feeling. You are a great story teller and your family is absolutely amazing! I wish we had more dedicated families. I think you do a great job with taking us to the scriptures and showing us just how much God cares for us and what we go through in our daily lives. I am so sorry that you have had such a devastating loss. I love the spiritual insight you share because of your loss. Your blog is an inspiration to me as a Grana! I love my little ones a lot but you inspire me to love them more each day! I hope you know you're an inspiration to us all!