Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God?
That is exactly what it seems like many days....that my tears are all that I feed upon, my "diet." Tears are a blessing from the Lord. I can not imagine have this welling up within and not a way to release the pain, the moans, and the depth of hurt that a heart can feel. It is just waves that come, you do not always know when they will hit, and it is usually little short moments. I do think I am moving forward, but I can hardly see in my own mind where there would not be tears. I was thinking of some of the different ways tears are good for us and it just gave me an avenue to meditate upon. I certainly did not exhaust the ways, but I was thankful to see how useful they are...
...can keep us broken before the Lord
...keep me utterly dependant upon the Lord
...do not spoil, God keeps them in a bottle
...they allow me to release the grieving, pain and hurt
...they can be cleansing to the heart that repents
... an outward sign of rejoicing
...can help you to show compassion to others
...they demonstrate to others how much they mean to us (Luke &:38)
...they are used in serving (Acts 20:19)
...they help share burdens (2 Cor. 2:4)
...they move God to answer prayer ( Is.38:5)
....we only have the opportunity to have them here, because there will be none in eternity!!!
As time goes, maybe my tears for Joel will become less selfish, I am thankful that he is with the Lord, and that he does not have to endure the ways of this world, but for now my tears are possibly more for me, I miss him, I want to take care of him, I miss him for Siah. The Lord brought a thought to my mind of the scripture that speaks of how he will not give us more than we can bear.... I will say that is so true as I thoughtof so many children that are diagnosed with NB, some young, 6 months, 9 months or two years old, they fight this monster for 2 to 3 years, maybe have several relapses only to come to the same end as did Joel. Surgery after surgery, sometimes traveling to other states for treatments, being away from family for weeks maybe months, so many other parents are enduring more, they are so strong.......he gave me what I, we, could bare, no more, no less. I am grateful for his mercy to us. That is not to say that I would not have wanted to do that with Joel, but he gave us the "lot" he saw best.
The guys were around here a few days as they were in between jobs.....major garden and pasture work. Terry and all of his "little" helpers were on the front lines. He purchased 50# of seed potatoes and we got the eyes all cut out and in the ground they went, but not without a blessing, I told Hosanna to tell them "eyes up and look up to God and grow." Lets see, they planted around 20 broccoli plants, sugar snap peas and some more onions. Next will be corn April 1 and then green beans. Terry is so good with all that, I am thankful for his hard work!!!
The pasture work was Elijah's project.... he is preparing it for near future sprigging and fertilizing. He, Caleb and Daniel rented a Bobcat to clear all the huge piles that they bulldozed last summer, burned this winter and the left overs needed to be picked up. They have picked them up and put them over in a secluded area in the pasture, they said it will just grow up and look like a "mountain." Machines and work equal Elijah Morris. I think he did share the bobcat with Caleb and Daniel, so they put the finishing touch on the project. What a blessing we acknowledge to the Lord for allowing us to live out here and have the opportunity to work with all the children!!
As I talked once again to the dear mother of the family I mentioned awhile back and they are experiencing marriage difficulties after being married for 25 + years. I just want to say publicly how grateful I am to Terry for literally loving me like Christ loves the church. I think there are many words to describe that, but the ones that are before me now are unconditionaly and sacrificially. I have many areas that are under construction, yet Terry demonstrates that love to me. My prayer for all our boys is that they would certainly follow their dad in this example. I am so thankful for Terry and our family, as this morning I heard a voice of a broken hearted mother and wife desiring God to do a miracle in her own life and in the hearts of each one in their family. May it be so in Jesus name!!!!
Well its Thursday and the Lord has been merciful to us all, thank you for being apart of our lives and I pray the Lord will allow us to be a blessing to you as you have been to us!!