More Babies....

With a maa maa here and a peep peep there..... new babies are here and arriving!! 15o baby chickens yesterday arrived at the post office (125 broilers to butcher and 25 layers to add to the others) and are in brooder pens in our garage, and Bethany is picking up two Nubian baby goats at the AIRPORT this afternoon, if you can believe that!! And we have 6 baby kittens and do not forget the puppies are ready to GO!!!! If we are not careful the animals are going to be running the farm instead of humans!!! I am sure Bethany will tell all about her travels on her blog so you'll have to visit and see her pictures later. Mercy called the chickens "chicken pops." She wants to go see the "baby chickens and baby puppies alot!!" The Lord has blessed us to be able to live out here and have these memories with the children. Alot of work, but alot of fun!!!

The Lord encouraged my heart this morning as I read Ps.119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope. I mentioned previously that I had been making some particular requests to the Lord, as we all do, and I had read some scriptures that the Lord showed me that gave me a hope that the Lord would answer the requests. As time goes, I keep praying and I have not had them answered as of yet and I sometimes get discouraged and think and reason and lean on my own understanding and say woe is me, I guess the Lord forgot or is not going to answer. This morning my hope was renewed in the verse above and I talked with the Lord that it was his word that gave me the hope in the first place and I reminded the Lord of my requests again and ask him to remember the word(s) that he put before me pertaining to the requests. I was also blessed by some truths in a devotional by Mr. Spurgeon, Thus have true saints continued long in patient waiting without reply, not because their prayers were not vehement, nor because they were unaccepted, but because it so pleases Him who is Sovereign, and who gives according to His pleasure. But we must be careful not to take delays in prayers as denials; God's long-dated bills will be punctually honored; we must not suffer Satan to shake our confidence in the God of truth by pointing to our unanswered prayers, Unanswered prayers are not unheard. God keeps a file for our prayers-they are not blown away by the wind, they are treasured in the king's archives. Tried believer, thy Lord hath a tear bottle in which the costly drops of sacred grief are put away, and a book in which thy holy groanings are numbered. Canst thou not be content to wait a little? Will not the Lord's time be better than thy time? By and by He will comfortably appear, to thy souls joy and make thee put away the sackcloth and ashes of long waiting and put on the scarlet and fine linen of full fruition. In reality even if the Lord were to not answer my requests, he knows what is best, I want to grow to the place of being confident in that, without thinking that I am being forgotten on my requests. I want to trust the verse in Ps. 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. I am really in a win/win situation, you are too, if he answers it is for our best and if he does not answer it is for our best!! Satan loves to thwart our thoughts, our hope and our confidence in the Lord. May we know in a greater way, "greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world!!!"

I have a new plan......Since Joel went to be with the Lord, the last 14 months, I have been functioning on survival mode like with the household duties and in encouraging the children to carry out there chores, like if it gets done or not, so what. Prior to Joel's sickness we ran a pretty tight ship with chores and schedule throughout the day. The problem that I have ran into is I go from one extreme to the other.... if no body seems to be doing what there suppose to, then I tend to try to do everybody's job ( which is impossible) and the other side is I just do not remind the children of what they are suppose to do and that makes me sad because nothing is getting done. Everybody has chores that they are suppose to do everyday or on particular days of the week, but even with that plan some chores were forgotten. Sooo.... the new plan for us is on every Wednesday, we call it "Working Wednesday" we are going to not do school work on that day and we are going to do ALL the chores that everybody is suppose to do in a weeks time, that has to do with cleaning the house. We start out with Bethany having a scripture that we are going to memorize that day and then we set out to do these tasks ( I am giving only a few) dust, straighten pots and pans and plastic cabinets, iron if needed, clean showers and bathrooms, clean ceiling fans, windex appliances, windows, mirrors, vacum, straighten clothes shelves, mop floors, take trash inside and out, laundry washed folded and put away, clean grounds outside, ect. That all goes along with their chores with all the animals too. All these tasks are divided up amongst Bethany, Anna, Micah, Andrew, Josh, Jeremiah, Hosanna, and Josiah. (the people that are here) It worked so well, when the guys got home it was a smooth ship, we had supper ready and even had candles burning!!! They commented that all was nice and clean, especially Elijah, he would like it to be like that everyday, but I quickly told him this is a Wednesday thing and for the rest of the days we will be in a different gear. I was so grateful to get it all done, know its done and the children did a great job!!!! "If mama is happy, then everbody is happy."

If the Lord brings it to your mind, will you pray for a burden we have with the hospital, there are unresolved issues that need to be dealt with. Terry is pursuing different avenues and we just need help from the Lord of what to do and how to do and if to do. My prayer has been that the Lord would be the "righteous judge of the earth for our situation." I know many of you all probably heard of the young man 21, of OK, that was declared braindead Nov.19, he had no blood flow either. I do not know if that cold be a defense to our situation or not, but here you have a man that the medical field has said is dead and now he is walking and talking. I know God has different plans for different ones and I do not doubt God's plan for Joel, one of the issues is that the Dr's removed their care for Joel, they did not feed him for a certain amount of days, they did not seek to further care for him, because they said he was dead, they said Mr. Dunlap was dead too. The point being they should have cared for a patient in a hospital. I do know that if the Lord will see fit to vindicate his truth with our situation or not but it will be vindicated in eternity. We just want what God wants for now. We do not have any bitterness or anger we just want to do what the Lord wants us to do and know that we did all we were suppose to do. Thanks for your prayers in that area.

May the Lord bless you with a good weekend and peaceful Lord's day!!

Cindy

Not Much.....

I am just trying to stay out of the "shoulda, coulda, woulda, valley." If the Lord was willing we would have a new baby by now and that stings my heart to think of what could have been but I have to continue to trust which is sometimes hard because of the fact you can not always see past where you are in your circumstances. I read a scripture in John 20:11 But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre. It seems that is what I do alot, that is, the first part of the verse, standing without weeping. I have got to force myself to do the second part, to stoop down and look into... I have got to look into the face of the Lord, I have got to look into the word, I have got to look into the empty tomb and know that the testiomony of victory over death flows from that tomb, that the Lord has all power and to not let my mind think of what coulda, woulda, shoulda been from my perspective. Sometimes I just do not feel like exercising spiritually, sometimes I want things to be easier. A statement in a grief book I read said something like, asking "why" keeps us looking back, asking "what now", will allow one to move forward. I do find myself asking why at times, but I do ask what now, I just do not have the answer yet. I do not know what to do. I know there are obvious things, house, husband and children, maybe thats it, but I guess I am wondering if that is all? I will try to look into......thats what I know to do.

Not much else going around here. I have been working on my Creative Memory books for the children. Everyone has one or two but Caleb and Daniel, none for them. I know I have got to gear up and tackle that, but the problem is I have sooooo many pictures without dates and I am going to have to figure out how to divide the pictures up as I do not have two prints of most. I thought about that being my summer project, we'll see. I think I have been doing CM for about 8 years and I have 18 books that I am working on. I go in spurts in working on them. By the time I get them all caught up its time to turn around and start over. I hope it will be a blessing to the children in the years to come. Bethany has helped on occassions, but she had rather be with her goats!! I guess its just my "thing."

Guess what???? Caleb, the firstborn wanted braces....personally, I did not think he needed them, but he wanted them, so......he got them. The Dr. said he should be out of them in 6 months, with this new digital way and using this special suresmile wire. He has been in some pain, and its hard to eat, but it will get better. He said yesterday, the first day,"I wish it was over." We all kinda told him in so many words, "you already bit the dust."

The guys have been around the homefront for quite awhile, which is nice to get alot done here but we do have to eat. They have jobs lined up, its just been waiting on either materials to arrive to build a barn or waitinig on other contractors to do there part. So tomorrow they will be on a job site working, YEA, now we can have food!!!!! (we have food, just thinking about my next shopping trip) While they were here they added a wing on the south side of the barn for the heifers to calve in. Looks nice too!! Terry has been working very hard in the garden, its doing well and we are eating spinach and not long until lettuces and radishes.

So thats about the news on the farm for now.....Enjoy the warm weather, we are!!!! I miss you Joel on these warm days, I know you and Josiah would be barefootin around together. Josiah and Hosanna are pretty good partners, and their feet are very dirty right now!!!!

Cindy

P.S. Puppies are ready....please come get one...Bethany wants to sell them for $50, but I want to get rid of them however it takes......they say they are cute, you can see for yourself....

Hope and Life...

It does not have to be January 23 for me to re-play all that took place, the 23 rd of each month seems to hold those memories. I was especially blessed that Easter fell on the 23rd. It gave me hope in the midst of my sorrow in thinking of Joel. As I have thought about death, life and the resurrection, it has a whole new meaning. How could we continue on in this life if we did not have hope in the life to come, death will come for all. It is the passage way to real life, eternal life, living forever with the Lord and with our loved ones. Of all the difficult situations with Joel, his diagnoses, the tests, the pain he endured and the unknown, the hardest was after he took his last breath (after holding his body for sometime) having to lay the body that held Joel on the bed and to turn and walk away and leave the body that I birthed, nourished, loved on, dressed, bathed, mended the hurts on, wiped the tears from and held. There are no words to describe that feeling. That day my heart was in such turmoil, I was not looking ahead, Now as time has passed and scriptures have ministered to my heart I have hope that the little body that was battered, bruised and swollen will be raised up one day... and it all because Jesus had triumphed over sin, death and hell!!!! The resurrection is more than a story, it is my hope that I will see Joel again. It is with that hope that is before me that I can even go forward in this life. These verses are wonderful words of life and hope, they tell me what Jesus has done, they tell me of his Victory over death.

John 1:19 Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.

John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection and the life...

Luke 14:36...nevertheless not what I will but what thou wilt

Matt. 28:6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said...

It is because of the above verses that I can embrace these verses that I have hope to see Joel again.

John 16:22 And ye now therfore have sorrow but I will see you again

Ps. 55:18 He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me

Ps.49:15 But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave: for he shall recieve me

Ps. 23:6 ...and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever

Ps. 61:7 He shall abide before God forever

Ps. 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

It has been a day of peace in my heart as I think of what is before me, I still miss him, I missed getting him ready for church this morning, I miss him so much, but one day because of this day that we emphasize the resurrection, there is hope. There is hope everyday!!!!!

We took a family picture, we do not have all the "Easter fluff" on but I had to take it for my "records." I will tell you all about it...we told everyone to close their eyes due to bright sun and then open when you hear the beeps getting closer together... Micah did not follow instructiions:) Mercy's hair is in a dither, and Terry's tie is all lopsided and undone and if you look at me, it looks like I have my legs spread out, but its really Terry's knee!!!!Oh well, I got my picture and mama's happy about that!!!!! I wanted to share a picture at the cemetary to remind myself that Joel is not there, he is living with the Risen Lord!!!!!!

He is Risen, He is Risen Indeed!!!!!

Cindy

Andrew is 12 !!

Howdy Partners.....Andrew done went and turned 12 and we had ourselves a right good time, sure as shooten!! First we gathered up all the lil' doggies and played some games. We had a tin can shoot and most of em' were dead eyes! Next we had a Hobby Horse Race. They rode like the wind to the finish line! After that was the Cattle Drive. Them cowpunchers had to drive their cows(balloons) over the range. Some cows made it, some didn't, they were let for dead on the dusty trail! (balloons popped) Rattlesnake Rucus was next, passing a plastic snake(like hot potatoe) around in a circle to some good "old" cowboy music! By that time these hungry Buckaroos had worked themselves up an appetite and were ready for some chuck wagon grub. They filled their belly's with Howdy Partner Hamburgers, Fiddlin Franks, Bucharoo Baked Beans, Cow Chips and washed er'down with some Sasparilla. With belly's full and a fire crackling we settled down to "brand" Andrew with some blessings. Terry, Caleb and Daniel gave Andrew some good preachin' in encouraging him to seek the Lord, take up manhood, study to show thyself approved, ect. By God's grace I know Andrew will saddle up and follow the trails with the Lord. He came to me personally and thanked me for all the party and his gift. He has taken a step in the right direction....showing gratefulness! To round up the night Andrew opened his gift and was happily surprised with a Leatherman. A 16 arm utility tool. We couldn't quite crawl in our bunks without some sweets, so with a little bit of Campfire Coffee we had Sheriff Surprise(a yummy brownie bar) Cow Patty Candy(homemade millionaires) and Old Codger Cookies( sheriff badge sugar cookies) Now that there was a good time! And thanks fer comin along on the trails with us!!!!

The party was great!! I was the one quite miserable...A bladder infection hit hard yesterday morning. Anna and Bethany really had to pull things together for me. They did and I am sooo grateful. Right now I feel a little better but not 100%. Hopefully by this evening I will be mostly over it. Thanks for praying for me.

Anna took close to 400 pictures, her memory card was filled. I'm not going to post them all:) So many fun ones, that I might post some more in the future! Her picture taking abilities are priceless to me! I put the one of Joel too, his last party with Andrew, he was always right smack in the middle of partying!! Boy, he would have loved this one. Josiah had the biggest time!! I missed my lil' cowboy, Joel! It is times like this that the tears sting your cheeks and the pain seems so deep. Being together is a treasure. Lord willing we'll all be together again one day!!!

Blessed and joyful trails to you!!! (more pics below)

Cindy

Pray for Mom...

Hello Everybody,
We would really appriciate you prayers right now...yesterday Mom got a bladder infection. She is really in a lot of pain. We'll keep you updated...and she'll post later about Andrew's birthday.

Joel's Spring

Joel’s Spring

The smell of spring is in the air
Memories of yester year I will not spare

Creaking, Cracking of the swing
Side by side soaring as with wing

One leg in the other two
Ready for farm work with dad to do

Dad’s a tilling, seeds in hand
To await bursting ground of fruit to span

Blue skies, sunsets and family fun
Homemade ice-cream by the ton

New shorts and shirts for heated days
Barefoot toes on red dirt clay

“Siah” your twin, your buddy close
Partners playing sunup to sunset almost

Now...little empty boots that held your feet
Folded shirt on the shelf so neat

Today...I’m going to walk to your grave
Thoughts in my heart of you to save

My heart hurts thinking your body so cold
Unto the resurrection, eyes of faith must hold

So many flowers were buried in your ground
Oh! I hope I’m there when the trumpet sounds

Looking forward daffodils to bloom
Will remind me of “life” yet soon

A seed must fall and cease to live
Then fruit it brings to others give

Enjoy your spring in heaven above
Just sending you a bouquet of Mommy’s love

The first day of spring.....Joel and Josiah loved the warm weather. I remember going to Babys R Us to get these and some other little outfits for them in Feb.06. They were eagerly awaiting for a warm day to wear them. Most mornings they started out with the same clothes on, but by the end of the day they did not match due to dirt or something! What fun getting to pick out two of everything! To think this was Joel's last spring....we knew not the road ahead, but the Lord knew, he was already there for us, who could endure such trials without him! For Him I am ever so thankful.

May the Lord give you a "Happy Spring" as well......

Cindy

Mercy is 2 !!

Our sweet little Mercy is 2 today!!! Her day started with .....Birthday Donuts! Terry and the boys were here till the afternoon so we went with celebrating this morning and having her birthday meal at lunch. After her donuts I went to get her Birthday dress on and she did not want any part of the "swishy, crunchy" dress that I got her, so we went to plan "B" and put on a "sweet" party dress which she was happy with. I ask the children, of all the 2nd birthdays who really cooperated and took pictures nicely at the table?? Mercy was struggling somewhat, until we got to the present time, then she loosened up and began enjoying it. She was happy to get a new baby stroller and a birthday baby, 3 new dresses and I found a really cute picture frame for her 2nd year picture that has bunnies on it. Her Bunny Birthday Party was easy decorating as I took advantage of all that is on the shelves at the stores right now. We have always sought to put all the emphasis on the Resurrection, so Jeremiah being so innoculated from all the hoopla of "Easter" ask (because I had eggs and rabbits for decorations) "do rabbits lay eggs?" and Josiah in his 4 year old wisdom informed him," NO RABBITS DO NOT LAY EGGS." Anna helped with the Rabbit cake, and the Rabbit sugar cookies, and we had a favorite meal of Mercy's, spagetti and a salad that even had some of our own fresh spinach in it. We also made Bunny Bread and put vegatable dip in his belly with carrot sticks. So all that was easy and fun!! After lunch we went outside to have an "egg hunt." I filled 150 plastic eggs with mini candy. Anna and I hid them in fairly easy places, I was not going to take the time to hide eggs for hours! The little ones had some baskets and off they went....I had to limit the older ones so the younger ones would be sure to get some. After our "sweet" little egg hunt, it then turned into a war zone of throwing empty eggs at each other....who could have thought of such......none other than the older ones!! Oh well, thats boy stuff!!! Mercy has now layed down for a nap and we'll have to eat cake later as they are full of "junk."

Two years ago.....the memories are so vivid, it was my longest labor but the Lord granted her to arrive into our arms safely, which we were so grateful as her cord was around her neck and short. My sweet little Joel, after getting back from our neighbors,(all the children) pushed his way through all the legs and wanted a first hand look at this new little member of our family, His expression of delight is etched in my memory. He had no fears of holding her as Josiah was so timid and said he was "scared." Joel was fasinated with this "little, moving treasure." He only carried out his first born traits as being a leader and wanting to see. I guess he got to demonstrate that trait as he has entered heaven first, a leader. It is a day of mixed emotions, of joy for the blessing of Mercy and at the same time heartache as I wish we could all be together. I suppose there will never be anything that does not remind us of Joel. So today I rejoice and grieve at the same time.

Its been a fun day for Mercy and a blessing to be together and celebrate!!! Coming soon....Andrews 12th BD on Friday!!

Cindy

Everthing is OK

I had a friend call me today to see if everything is ok. I guess since I have not posted in a little bit she was wondering. I was happily surprised with her care. I too told her, sometimes I wonder if folks get tired of hearing about my grieving phases, but that is where I am right now. I am going forward as I mentioned, seeking to enjoy my husband, my children, my life even in the midst of grieving my little Joel. I am grieving, but not without hope, I cry, I miss him and I do not put myself on a time table or am concerned about how a book might say how long it will take, from my perspective you do not ever get over this, you just learn to live with it, seeking to trust and rest in the Lord that he has and is working all this for my good and his glory. To be honest I do not see much good that has happened, I can't think of anything that would be worth my Joel not being here, yet that is where the unseen comes in, and believe me "it ain't easy!!!!" I am the type that likes to SEE things happening, Terry will vouch for that. Like I said before, it is a constant battle of the knowing and feeling. Nobody could ever convince me that a physical exercise could be harder than spiritual exercise, seeing that we are dealing with principalities, powers and a ground that Satan can easily entangle us, our THOUGHTS! Sometimes I feel so tired in my mind. Over and over images of Joel are before me, of his birth, his happy 3 years, and then his trial. I have to force my thoughts to stay upon the happy times otherwise I get really down and if I find myself there, the only deliverence is in the scriptures. I read a scripture in Ps 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; though the waters therefore roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof.Selah. Here is the truth that I must stay upon, he is my refuge, my strength and he is present while I am in my troubles. Form the next two verses it sounds like all the "ifs, and, buts" are coverd as to the type of troubles that we might have to go through and anything that is in between. Joel has been removed from our care, this seems like a mountain of a trial, my heart is roaring of pain, our lives have been shaken, it just seems sometimes the swelling of heart ache is going to explode, yet the Lord says he is with me! I go forward in that truth.


As to stuff around here, we are just getting ready for "parties." Mercy's is tomorrow (19th) She is having a Bunny Party. I hope to post tomorrow about her little day. She is singing "happy birthday to me." I do not think she understands it all but its fun for us!!! Then Andrew's on Friday, whew, this is going to be his big one, 12 years old, a young man!! (according to the scriptures) I plan on grocery shopping Thursday so I can have Friday to plan and set up outside for the evening. We'll let you peek at our fun for that!!!!


Rain has held up some work\jobs for the guys but they have accomplished alot around here. Clean up and things outside. Not long tilll we will eat our spinach. Terry brought in a few green onions last night and passed them out. Yummy fresh stuf coming, Lord willing!!


Hosanna lost her first top tooth this week, she looks so sweet. Daniel got contacts, so he is doing well with the adjustment. Caleb already had contacts. I love my glasses so I will stick with "em."


So as you hear, not much happening around here.... Just doing stuff like you do everyday. May the Lord bless you and until next time......Rejoice, for its a day the Lord has made!!!

Cindy

A Diet of Tears...

Psalm 42:3 My tears have been my meat day and night, while they continually say unto me, where is thy God?

That is exactly what it seems like many days....that my tears are all that I feed upon, my "diet." Tears are a blessing from the Lord. I can not imagine have this welling up within and not a way to release the pain, the moans, and the depth of hurt that a heart can feel. It is just waves that come, you do not always know when they will hit, and it is usually little short moments. I do think I am moving forward, but I can hardly see in my own mind where there would not be tears. I was thinking of some of the different ways tears are good for us and it just gave me an avenue to meditate upon. I certainly did not exhaust the ways, but I was thankful to see how useful they are...

Tears...

...can keep us broken before the Lord

...keep me utterly dependant upon the Lord

...do not spoil, God keeps them in a bottle

...they allow me to release the grieving, pain and hurt

...they can be cleansing to the heart that repents

... an outward sign of rejoicing

...can help you to show compassion to others

...they demonstrate to others how much they mean to us (Luke &:38)

...they are used in serving (Acts 20:19)

...they help share burdens (2 Cor. 2:4)

...they move God to answer prayer ( Is.38:5)

....we only have the opportunity to have them here, because there will be none in eternity!!!

As time goes, maybe my tears for Joel will become less selfish, I am thankful that he is with the Lord, and that he does not have to endure the ways of this world, but for now my tears are possibly more for me, I miss him, I want to take care of him, I miss him for Siah. The Lord brought a thought to my mind of the scripture that speaks of how he will not give us more than we can bear.... I will say that is so true as I thoughtof so many children that are diagnosed with NB, some young, 6 months, 9 months or two years old, they fight this monster for 2 to 3 years, maybe have several relapses only to come to the same end as did Joel. Surgery after surgery, sometimes traveling to other states for treatments, being away from family for weeks maybe months, so many other parents are enduring more, they are so strong.......he gave me what I, we, could bare, no more, no less. I am grateful for his mercy to us. That is not to say that I would not have wanted to do that with Joel, but he gave us the "lot" he saw best.

The guys were around here a few days as they were in between jobs.....major garden and pasture work. Terry and all of his "little" helpers were on the front lines. He purchased 50# of seed potatoes and we got the eyes all cut out and in the ground they went, but not without a blessing, I told Hosanna to tell them "eyes up and look up to God and grow." Lets see, they planted around 20 broccoli plants, sugar snap peas and some more onions. Next will be corn April 1 and then green beans. Terry is so good with all that, I am thankful for his hard work!!!

The pasture work was Elijah's project.... he is preparing it for near future sprigging and fertilizing. He, Caleb and Daniel rented a Bobcat to clear all the huge piles that they bulldozed last summer, burned this winter and the left overs needed to be picked up. They have picked them up and put them over in a secluded area in the pasture, they said it will just grow up and look like a "mountain." Machines and work equal Elijah Morris. I think he did share the bobcat with Caleb and Daniel, so they put the finishing touch on the project. What a blessing we acknowledge to the Lord for allowing us to live out here and have the opportunity to work with all the children!!

As I talked once again to the dear mother of the family I mentioned awhile back and they are experiencing marriage difficulties after being married for 25 + years. I just want to say publicly how grateful I am to Terry for literally loving me like Christ loves the church. I think there are many words to describe that, but the ones that are before me now are unconditionaly and sacrificially. I have many areas that are under construction, yet Terry demonstrates that love to me. My prayer for all our boys is that they would certainly follow their dad in this example. I am so thankful for Terry and our family, as this morning I heard a voice of a broken hearted mother and wife desiring God to do a miracle in her own life and in the hearts of each one in their family. May it be so in Jesus name!!!!

Well its Thursday and the Lord has been merciful to us all, thank you for being apart of our lives and I pray the Lord will allow us to be a blessing to you as you have been to us!!

Cindy