Tuesday, March 2, 2010

dates ahead.......

I have two more significant dates to "get through" in this journey. I am not saying that once those are behind me that all is good. I feel sure only mothers, " grieving ones think like this, like me. I grieve everyday, tears come everyday, I try to conceal it in my time with the Lord as I cry out to Him to continue to give me grace to trust His plan, to have faith, to hope in what I can not see, to keep embracing the truths that He gives through His word. Some times the pain/heartache is still so stabbing, I find myself dashing somewhere to get alone with the Lord. One date is in 17 days when Mercy will turn 4 years old. Her three year life and the one that I look and gaze at so often is soon to be turned into her 4 year old life. Again leaving behind the 3 year age that Joel was. The 3 year age that likely I will not get to embrace from my own womb again. It is a combination of sadness and joy to my heart of how I have been able to find comfort in her size, her age and all that would remind me of Joel at his age 3. I can not stop time obviously, so its going to be behind me soon. I want to take every part of her three year age and put it in a bubble and save it. To hold her at three helps me to remember holding and feeling what it was like to hold Joel. Josiah has far past the smallness of age three and having put his hands on Joel's hand prints awhile back tells me it was a long time ago already since Joel left our family. Age three is absolutely one of my favorite ages for children, they still need us desperately yet they can express their feelings and relate/communicate well. I will miss age 3 so very much but knowing Mercy, she will make age 4 an "adventure" for sure. She is our "Pistol Princess!!" The other date that looms ahead is the date June 3rd . Its the day that will say death has had him longer than we did, he will have been away from us longer than we had him! He was here 3 years, 4 months and 10 days. This day will be 3 years, 4 months and 11 days. Days, months and years.......... one day it will all be swallowed up in victory! Believe for the hope ahead and Live now for the family I am blessed with and for Jesus!

Tomorrow, my dad, their Paps is coming for a visit. He is a firecracker for sure. Always moving, going in and out the door, thinking of stuff to do, loves playing card games and fishing with the children and sometimes he even breaks loose with some gospel music singing!!! He and Shirley will likely stay til Saturday morning, then we have two more guests on our register. Bethany and Anna's two friends Hannah S. and Sarah S. are coming to visit Sat. until Tues. Like I said......revolving doors.....thats one of the fun things of having older children, they have friends over and it just gets louder and crazier!!!!!!

I know I have heard sooooo many say we are already for Spring. If your not.....then......don't mess our happy thoughts up "of its coming soon!" I have tons of outside work to do, flower beds, cutting roses back, which I should have already done. I feel like I am caged and need out, out of winter and cold!!! Well, at least March is here. We have to order our baby chicks like real soon. The ones we butcher. So Elijah, if you read this, lets get it together.......pens, feeders, and all that stuff!!!!

Ok, better go......... has anybody found me on FB yet??? It has been fun in one sense to catch up with friends I have not talked to in quite awhile.


The Ahlgren Family said...

3 years 4 months 11 days... eternal life will have had him longer than this temporal life. God cares about every day and minute. I too count for memorable days. It is a blessing to "number our days" and remember where we are, where He has brought us from, and trust Him in where He is taking us. I have been counting to the days til when we will have been married longer than we were engaged... and that time will arrive this evening a little after 7:00.
Sounds like you'll be busy having fun the rest of this week! I like all of the bright sunny pictures!!! We love you :)

Teena said...

I think counting those days are normal.... my heart hurts with yours. Praying for you.

It will be 3 yrs in July for my dad. I KNOW that is not the same... as losing a child... I still count the days... and think about how Wesley turned 4 the day my dad died... and I know I will count that too ... when it comes to Dad being in heaven for over 4 yrs....

I keep asking Wes & Wyatt IF they remember Papa. I show them pictures lots.

I am so very thankful for your friendship... for your words of wisdom and being able to peek into this journey you are on.

I love coming and reading.


Chad and Jessica's Family said...

I am so sorry, just so sorry. I know it "stabs" a lot. I know no ones words will help but I am truly sad with you and want you to know I care. Bless you in all your rememberings forever. You really are the best mom to Joel even while he is gone. Really. Thank you again for your example.

I love you in the Lord!


Virginia (Jenny) said...

I so long for a family like this. I've always wanted many children but I'm obviously at a loss at how to juggle it all. I'm not very good at it. Instead I try to fill that longing by reading blogs of other families such as your own. I love the beautiful pics on this site! I too have my own vegetable garden and I love it!