good king josiah !!

Josiah looks so big. He has lost the "toddler" look as when Joel was here with him. I so wish I could see them side by side. I wish I could have a peek as to what Joel would look like at age 6. The tractor was Joel's 3rd birthday gift, his last one and the book Josiah is reading some dear friends had it made using pictures of Joel through out it, a keepsake of course. I guess this is the last Christmas I will get to hold and be with a three year old as Mercy is that age, the age Joel was in 06, his last Christmas with us until I get some grandchildren. I know I am likely the only one that sorta puts Mercy in Joel's memory and thinking of her age 3 and what he was like at this time with him. Anyway, I just wanted to take some pictures of Josiah .......to remember!

Not much going on around here. The guys are back to work. We are trying to do a little school today. I am not taking the Christmas stuff down yet. It seems to keep the house cheerful and I need it to feel that way right now. I know I repeat myself but the days ahead in memory are harder than the days in Dec. when we found out he had cancer. Jan. 3rd was the last day we communicated with Joel. Then the following 20 days were like being in hell itself if one could imagine. The doctors, the hospital, the court and lawyers, the taking care of our own son in a facility where you are suppose to get care, the silence as we beheld Joel and no laughter, no cries, no playing, nothing came from him. Three years or be it 30 years or 50, he is missed and tears are still falling........Its so strange to feel hopeless and yet hopeful at the same exact time. I am hopeful and look with great anticipation to see him again........thank you Lord for Josiah, his name means "Jehovah heals." He has helped my heart in many ways!

If things continue I am going to run out of room quickly!!!! With being blessed with 9 boys, along with them comes love for sports!!! Funny how they are trying out new sports and filling the house with new sports equipment! We rode bulls and steers, we got chaps, ropes, helmets. We play volley ball, we got tenny shoes and I can not even count all the balls we went through! We got into basketball so now we have a portable basket ball goal. We went to the lake and they bought knee boards and wake boards. Oh, and football????? Yes, we have helmets and shoulder pads bulging from the closet!!!! They are soon to go snow skiing, Lord willing in a few weeks so the other night we went and bought snow bibs, gloves, jackets and masks!!!! We have also joined the ice skaters of America!!!! We now have ice skates in our house!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We have guns galore for all the hunters and enough camo to cover our house!!!!!!! We have a ping-pong table, remember all the crazy tournaments we had last year!!!!!!! Its totally crazy and my house is getting FULL!!!!! Oh, well........hope they fill my house with grand babies soon, that's what I'll really like!!!!!!!!!

Whats everybody "resouluting" to do for the New Year?????? I do not think I am going to make any. I know I am being negative, but I can not do what I know to do many times so why get myself more buried!!!!! I will just keep it simple, seek to read and pray and spend time with Lord and in his mercy hopefully He'll fix me!!

Talk to ya soon.............