A Miner.....

Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for gold where they fine it. Iron is taken out of the earth, and brass is molten out of the stone. He setteth an end to darkness, and searcheth out all perfection: the stones of darkness, and the shadow of death.( Job 28 1-3)

For the past few weeks I have been asking the Lord for wisdom, wisdom in this and for this sorrow. I accept that this sorrow will be upon me all my days, some days it is heavy and some days it shows it self lighter. This morning I read this verse and it was incredibly powerful to my heart. God calls us to rise up and become various vessels at given times. We are to go forth as a soldiers, as writers having the pen of a ready writer, as servants, as proclaimers and all these are woven in Him as "followers." When I read this verse my heart was sparked as it speaks of silver, gold, brass, stones and iron. All these have to be hewn out by a "miner." So as I ask for wisdom and I feel like he gave me some, he is telling me to be a miner! I realize that there are things hidden, secret counsels of God that will not be revealed to us at this time, like understanding all the "why's" of this happening to Joel, so I do not want to delve there. But there is revealed truth that we can come to understand and we can become more familiar with the dealings of God in our lives and it is all found starting in Genesis and ends with Revelation. This is revealed wisdom. Our part is to become a "miner." The more I can know, learn, find out about the Lord, his character, his Person and the more I read and become saturaated with truth, then as I go about daily life, the Holy Spirit guides and impresses upon what I should do, what I need to say or not say and so forth. I act with wisdom, I speak with wisdom, I can find a rest in circumstances because I am digging and am becoming more familiar with who God is and His actions are always motivated with our good in mind. So back to the verse, silver, gold, iron, brass, Job says all these come from some where. There is a vein, a place, out of the earth, brass from stone. We have to go to that place, that vein where wisdom is found and it is in the Word! When you think of a mine, most likely it would be a dark place, a hidden place, maybe few go to it but if they only knew the hid treasures that were there. I love verse 3, he setteth an end to darkness, and searcheth out all perfection: the stones of darkness, and the shadow of death. I am blessed by the thought that I can find wisdom from the "stones of darkness and shadow of death." Something valuable can be hewn from this trial and I want with everthing in me to search out and not let a piece of gold, brass, iron, silver escape my grasp. I want to search out all Perfection and allow him to setteth an end to this darkness! I want to be a miner, to get wisdom! So my request for wisdom has been answered, I must seek to apprehend it through the Word! May the Lord call you to be a miner too, there are treasures to be had but are only gained by the ones that will search.

Beautiful day here today......and this is for my "friend Cheryl," I am now proceeding outside to bask in the sun with my sleeves rolled up and my skirt girded up to my knees to get a "suntan" because I am in competion with my daughter Bethany who is always "Miss Browny" in the summer!!! Hows that for clarification on where I am getting my Vit. D....... :o

See the Work !!

The guys are working on an Allergy Lab, close to downtown OKC, (not far from the Training Center for those who know that landmark) The white that you see is the Insulated Concrete Blocks and that is what they are building up. Like giant Legos and then you pour concrete down in them. This was a really big job, so we are thankful. Its hard to believe that four guys could do that. They are only doing the white blocks, the steel frame and roofing is by other contractors, but everything white is their work!!! Thought you might like to see what they are "up" to. I had to take Josh to get boots and return teh brand new ice cream freezer for another one and we we right in the area. (I told you we break things in an instant!!!) Katelyn is suppose to come over here shortly and we are "keeping" her until Dave gets finished up with some work in town.

I am headed out to get some Vit. D and then the treadmill......ugh:(

Any meat ?????

But when the morning was now come Jesus stood on the shore....... (John 21) I look so forward to "my mornings," spending time reading the Word! I eagerly desire to "hear" from heaven, I like to think as I read and as the Spirit speaks through the Word, that Joel might be peeking around a tree, playing and he stops for a moment to listen in on the conversation I might be having with the Lord. These past days it truly "feels" like Jesus has been on the shores, at a distance while I wade through life. He asked the disciples, Then Jesus saith unto them, Children, have ye any meat? They answered him, No. Thats exactly the way it seems with me, my soul is hungry. It seems I have "no meat" as these exclaimed to share with you all. But at least he called them his children. They might not have meat for a time but it did not change His tender care, his concern, nor their position with him. What did these folks do? Well, they obeyed. They cast their nets. Jesus said to do what he said and they would find. I too will keep seeking to read, spend time with the Lord because just as these, they reaped, they found. Sometimes our catch is small and there seems to be seasons of drought and then there are catches that are more significant, where your hunger is so filled. I guess as long as we are hungry and seeking, that is better than being so full and having a more self sufficient way instead of the pleadings, implorings and askings. I'll just keep casting in the Word and taking comfort that I am His child and anticipating a "catch."

Memorial day was a ton of fun!! So much food, 3 kinds of homemade ice cream, and all the extras that goes along with Hamburgers and Dogs. Volley ball, Volley ball and more Volley ball!!! The guys even fired off 15 pounds of potatoes with potato guns! The fellowship with all the friends was a blessing. We wrapped up the evening around 10pm but then David and Kate stayed on a while and got into some crazy "adventures." For some reason Dave takes off and runs wildy out in the dark, across the road, into a pasture that has likely 2 foot grass with flip-flops on.....not a good idea.....like a major snake opportunity!! Ok, then what do you think happens???? Our children except Mercy, Siah and Hosie take off after him! So here they are, pitch dark, running around trying to find the "guam boy!!" Dave is from Guam and has great stories of his life and he would be classified as a "suvivor." They finally find him but that little adventure only gets them stirred up. Next Dave and Kate take off to hide and for our children to find them. They end up out in the pasture laying on the ground. Another time Dave climbs a tree and they are around the tree, a very skinny tree and they see the leaves swaying at the top and they find him!!! Sorry Wilson family, I did not know "fun" was awaiting after you all left!!! It was a great day!!

How does everyone's Summer look?? For us, well we do not actually do "big" vacations, mostly time and resources hinder that but we do like to go to my dads in Hot Springs Ar, he lives right on Lake Hamiltion and we plan to go there sometime in June. We did that last year but Terry has to stay on board here to handle the farm stuff!! He doesn't mind, and he tries to get alot of paper work done and he loves to be on his farm working anyway. I do not necessarily have any big goals, work on my creative memory books and maintain the household. If all continues to go well with the garden, we'll can some vegetables and we are also planning to do the Farmers Market in Guthrie again this year on Saturdays.

I pretty much have the Bistro Patio finished up, I might add some more later when these flowers start to wither or fade. It is a peaceful place to sit and adding the flowers makes it a little haven for me! All of our walkways, patios and most of the flower beds are a result of trying to prevent erosion. We cut off one path of water flow and it sends it this way and we build another detour and try to make it go another way only to have to build another path, walk or something. I remember when I was little at my house I had places that were nooks, bushes that I went in under, paths that seems long and "big,' I hope the children remember all the little paths, sidewalks, bushes they play under, areas they build mud creations and it will cause them to always hold "home and family and childhood dear to their hearts." Josiah came in my room yesterday morning and he requested to see Joel's monkey I have sitting on a shelf. He grabbed it, held it, made its arms do funny things and I held it a minute and told him I wished we could take this and just smell "Balley." I felt like he was having a moment of reminiscing of Joel, it brought tears to my eyes, then he gave it to me silently and stood and looked out the window. You can see the swing set from my window that he and Joel loved to visit. I think he was re-visitng the way things use to be. When he left the room, I cried heaps, I even had to hit the bed with my fist and have a fit of sorrowful anger. I can not stand this, I so wish it was not this way, for Josiah for all his brothers and sisters. The scripture says he binds up the wounds, that means to me that yes he "wraps up" and comforts but it still seeps, it still opens up. There are still very hard days, the tears still flow easily. Two years, 20 years.......in this life......a wound that never heals!!!!

I better go, Mercy says,( having one boot on), "hey mom, I can't find my boot that goes on this foot!!!"

Take me out to the Ballgame......but not when its raining!!!

Our Saturday was filled with alot of work around here, mowing, trimming up, and Terry did major garden work, tilling and weeding.....it looks like a garden that was given to a man and he is doing as told " to till it and keep it." We are looking forward to the continued reapings as was sown bountifully. The surrounding yard and around the house is ready for fun, food, fellowship, homemade ice cream, burgers, cokes, watermelon Lord willing on Monday, Memorial Day with friends David and Kate and the Wilson family!!! A lot of volley ball is on the schedule, I hope they are all ready to "git worn out!!"

Saturday was quite an "adventure" as we headed to the OKC Bricktown ballpark to catch a game of Texas Tech and Texas A&M. We got there in good time, even to see a bit of the Sooners. We were about 30 minutes from the opening pitch and here comes an announcement of delay from bad weather. Torrential rain, thunder and lightening hit like crazy. Mercy was screaming "I want to go home!!!" Hosie and Josiah were clutching big peoples legs and grasping for arms that would hold them. We scooted under the paviolion and were still getting wet form the high wind bringing the rain upon us. We waited 1 1/2 hours before the game begun. We seem to get ourselves in quite the prediciments! It was a very late night to say the least!!

Sunday morning our dear friends Dave and Katelyn went to home church with us, of course its always fun to be with them and extra special to worship as a body of Christ together!! Before we went we had to get some "couple pictures." Mrs. "B" will be proud of our OSU attire:) It just happened that we both own something orange!!!

Tonight, Sunday evening we are still doing our evening fellowship with several families. We play awhile, Terry teaches from the 1689 Confession of Faith and then we have food!!!

Pizza and Memories.....

Pizza tonight.....homemade sauce and crust = yum!!! I made a vegetable one along with pepperoni. We did use our garden onions on it and hopefully we'll have our own zucchini and tomatoes before too long. Most every time I stand at the kitchen bar and make pizza, I always think of Joel. After diagnosis and after coming home from the hospital, he ate very little and only had an appetite for certain things and pizza was one. I would have cooked the moon if he had wanted it and I remember fixing him things way late in the evenings.....a mother will do anything for her little one. So tonight as I fixed pizza, I have happy memories of him sitting up there and watching me. There are memories in every corner and on every path on this little farm with Joel!!! Ok....back to the pizza, Anna's sauce is here and when I use it on pizza, I do not cook it for the time mentioned on the recipe. We just mix all the ingredients and spread it on the crust. Also tonight I did not add hambuger meat to the sauce.

Classic Pizza Dough (makes 2 pizzas, (we 4 times this:)

1 1/2 cups warm water
2 1/2 tsp of yeast
2 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tbl olive oil
3-4 cups flour, (your choice)

Dissolve yeast in arm water in mixing bowl, or Bosch. add oil, sugar and 1 cup flour, mix 30 seconds and let stand 5-8 minutes. Next add salt and start adding flour slowley to make a soft dough. Knead 10 minutes and then allow dough to rise until doubled, about 20-30 minutes. Spread oil on surface and divide dough in to two portions. Roll out and spread on pan. (I pre-cooked the crusts about 15 min and then added sauce and toppings, hoping for a crunchier crust) heat in oven until cheese is melted and toppings heated through and lightly browned.

Yikes !!!!

**** Terry looked at it and he thinks it was not a copper head....a snake is a snake... but glad it was not***


Remember yesterday I said was planting flowers around the Bistro Patio, right by our driveway, just having a lovely time and even enjoyed sitting there late last night and this morning.......well, I did not know I had a "visitor!!" LOOK at this.....it was right there in the flower bed......a copper head and a BIG one!!! This is the biggest copper head we've killed!! Brings back memories of about 11 years ago and I got bit by a copper head on the ankle, not good!! and I had just found out I was pregnant with Josh!! Anyway, this one is history now, the dogs were going crazy and we went out to see and they had it striking at them!!! Andrew took care of it with a new pistol!!!

Until......

Mercy and I are at the swing this evening and this is how our conversation went.............

Mercy- " Balley loves to swing."
Me- " oh, he sure did love to swing."
Mercy- "mommy misses him."
Me- "I miss him soooo much."
Mercy- "do you want him here?"
Me- " I wish he was here with us."
Mercy- "I was a baby, he kissed me."
Me- "you were a little baby and he loved to hold you."
Me- "Balley had cancer and he died."
Mercy- "he did not die."
Me - "what happen to him?"
Mercy- "he's at his house."
Me- "where is his house?"
Mercy- "in heaven."

She brings him up in conversation often all by herself. It cheers my heart to talk about Joel, even with a 3 year old little girl whom I wished new him and could enjoy the fun times here on the farm. I fight my flesh so often in thoughts, "this is not fair, this should not be," and so much more. Sometimes I find myself thinking things, like cliche's that I really would not say out loud yet my heart seems to be screaming it. I want to say sometimes and maybe re-phrase a bit what Martha said as Jesus was getting ready to remove the stone at Lazarus' grave. She said, "he stinketh." I want to say "this stinks." I read a testimony of a lady who's son died at age 9, and here 31 years later she is still having "hard days." There is no way around this, there is no other route but to keep walking through and keep seeking grace, mercy and enjoy what he hath done. I read a verse in Song of Solomon 2:17, Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn my beloved..... I have to live in the now but I look and wait for the "until." One day, the day will break and the shadows (of death that lurk at my heels) will flee away. We went and "decorated" his little grave this evening.......I wish it was not so, I want to be decorating his cake, smoothing his little yellow hair to the side......I will keep keeping on, by HIS grace!!

Big news for Anna. She passed her road test today!! We now have 7 drivers now!!! Its nice to have others run errands. Kate came over and we went in their little car. We have soo much that does NOT work on the van, it would not pass the test!! On the way home we stopped in Lowes and I got a few more flowers for our bistro patio I am working on. I just love sitting out there!! And thanks to a dear friend in Bulgaria, who had a part in making my little sitting place so lovely!!

The guys are soon to arrive, they had a late night of work but at least they are pretty close and we can get back to our nightly routines.

I have to end with a "happy story" since I started with a more somber one. I was in the bathroom a few nights ago brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed and Mercy is waiting outside the door and just talking and jabbering. She says to me," I love you really, really LOUD!!!" How can they come up with such beautiful sayings and they grab your heart. I will never forget what Joel said one evening as I sat at the computer after we had our first round of chemo, he came up and hopped on a stool beside me, threw his arms around my neck, snuggled in real close and said, "your so cute!!" I love him still!!!

The guys have arrived......they are hungry as bears.....Anna made dessert....they will love it!!!!

See what we have been up to......

I guess to find out what we have been doing, here's a few pictures to show ya! Pickin' strawberries and eatin' em, picking sugar snap peas and doing the same....eatin' em, David and Kate came over Sunday eve and we went "a fishin," (David's first fresh water fish to catch) sowing seeds in the pasture, (remember Elijah's seed drill he found, he got it working) and look at Josiah, he thinks its summer with no shirt, white belly!!! and then on another day, David gave the little ones a thrill when HE wanted to play Playmobiles with them!!!!!

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Got er' Done!!!!

We got er' done!!! I guess if you have a "weak" stomach, some of these could be too much for ya!! We had David and Kate, our neighbors helping, along with most of the Young family and some of the Southerland family. It all went well. If you want to know step by step here is the info, first you put the chicken in the killing cone and do the job!! Then we hang them up and let the blood drain out, next we spray them off and then take them and dunk them up and down for one minute in 148* water , then they are held on the plucker and then go over to the table and that's where you pull the head off and gut them. After that we put them in the water vats so they do not get rigor mortis for about 20 minutes and the little children pull off any tiny feathers left and clean them up. Lastly I take them inside, scrub the inside out and Anna weighs them, and packages them and they are ready for the freezer!! We sell them for $3.30 a pound, so they were running between $16- $19 per whole chicken. These chickens verses the ones last fall are really nice, good weight and big breasts. Another endeavor accomplished and we are thankful for His goodness upon it even in the dissapoinment of loosing so many!!