Saturday, August 30, 2008
Happy Birthday to Micah, our 6th child, and our 4th son!! Micah was our first home birth baby and wow, was I in for some pain!!!! I am so grateful the Lord led us in this direction, there is nothing like being in your own home! Micah is such a fine young man, where do I begin? First I am so very thankful for his trust in the Lord! Because we were home churching, he was baptized in our pond by his dad as other church families stood around the bank, pretty neat!! Micah has a mind to work, he is very ingenious, and he "loves" volley ball!! He is very helpful with any of my needs as the big guys are away at work! When I scream his name outside he always says "Mam," to my seemingly straights. This Wednesday he proved he is on the way to manhood. He woke up with a rough start and I went into his room and tried to gently give him a motivational truth time. I sought to share with him the invisible drama that we did not see but rest assuredly it was taking place, a spiritual battle was before him! I gave him the options of seeing this situation as a battle for him to fight and win or be drawn into the enemy's trap and be defeated. He proved his point with that old devil and rebounded with a charge and pursued the day with victory on his shoulders by Christ's strength with him!!! Micah came to me later and asked forgivness, and he WON!! I am grateful for Micah's spiritual perception in that situation and I hope it will remind him in the future as he has battles that he can have the victory with Christ! Micah enjoys being with his siblings and he gives lots of "life and laughs" to our somewhat boring evenings! Micah likes to hunt and just recently passed a hunters safety course to get his hunting license. There is something about Micah that wins others hearts when he is around them, I think its his smile and those dark eyes, but its almost a joke around here, because people that the guys work with and when Micah goes, they always want to know if Micah is coming back. I pray whatever magnet he has for people he would use it for God's kingdom and let his light shine that others are in eternity because of Jesus first but then because Micah Todd Morris "magnetized them with the truth." I love you Micah, and your one great young man in my life. Happy Birthday!!!!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
"unhinged, loco, batty, nutty, bats in the belfry, loony, cracked, bonkers, frenzied.".......I now claim those titles....it was going so well....until this morning......what am I talking about...HOMESCHOOL!!!!! Names and ages will not be mentioned so as to not embarrass the teacher!!! It was like this, the problem was 9-9= I finally did this after at least 20 minutes of prior stuff, I laid 9 pencils on the table and said, "I am taking 9 pencils away, how many are left?" Huh...8. I do it again....huh 7, and again.....and finally an answer that will work....."0." All I can say is "Lord help us!!!!!" I really was having a great week with homeschooling and that person that was assigned my name yesterday to pray for me must have not held up my arms like we talked about in our Wisdom Booklet with Moses, Aaron and Hur!!! Could be worse I guess........
This has been an emotional week with Norma entering eternity. It is so sobering as I envision things in her home all setting in places where she left them. I envision her table right by her bed with her big drink cup, her glasses, her special pens, her calenders that she wrote everything on, her tissues and napkins that she held and used constantly. To think its all there awaiting, but she's not going to use it again. She has a little tiny dog in the house and the fellow is going over and managing everything until her attorney squares her estate, but I feel so sorry for this creature as its probably wondering where its master is. So sobering.... eternity is so near for each of us. I said I would delete the previous post about her but Terry wanted me to leave it, so it will stay. Maybe it will serve a higher purpose than I accomplished with her on this earth. Even though I feel like a failure with the project, I read a scripture that told me to forget the things that are behind and strive to whats ahead. I am seeking to do just that!
So often I limit the Lord. I pray a prayer and think that if he answers it that way it will be so wonderful and I think it would be so fulfilling. He can do over and beyond what I can even come up with and thats why I want to learn to say "nevertheless thy will be done." I want what is bigger and better than my ideas, dreams hopes and desires. I want what is unimaginable to my mind, and thats just what he can do if its his will. I am going to remove the limitations I have set in my mind and ask God to do more than my mind can conceive, that far exceeds my expectations according to his will. This thought has most to do with what seems like is on the horizon of desiring that the Lord would provide for Caleb and Daniel to be able to prepare their fields, for their brides and families in the Lord's timing. It still could be a little time away, but I guess I just desire to see something happening on the provision end of it. They would really like to purchase some land and even start a house or something. I know it can all happen, I know God can do this, I guess I get a little antsy in waiting for a start of the vision. My part....will be to just keep praying and trusting!!!
Saturday is Micah's 14th birthday, so another "Donut breakfast." I already called the donut man and the order will be awaiting us!! He is having an Archery Party and we'll do that at lunch with his requested hamburgers, chips and the "poison drink, Coke." Saturday afternoon, David, our friend is having a pre-labor day get-together at his place. A full day for Saturday!!!
New babies.....100 meat chicks have arrived this morning. We'll be butchering towards the end of Oct. They are so cute now!
Even though I haven't mentioned about my grieving lately does in no way mean that its easier, over, or better. I am living with the "wound, the hole." Smells, sights seeing Siah doing this or that always makes me envision another beside him. He has started this little thing of coming into my room each morning and being with me as I sit on the edge of my bed and read my Bible. I told him I especially like it! He still says sweet things about Joel, how he would give "Balley" one if he were here, or if "Balley" were he would do this or that! I hope the Lord gives him a clear memory of Joel all his days. Thinking about their upcoming birth has such wonderful memories of how God gave amazing answers to prayers and brings comfort to my heart that he is the same God that brought two little babies to us. This Jesus gave to us and took and in some mysterious way it is for our best! I keep telling him," I am going to believe you!"
Thanks for your encouraging words with the previous post, but I want you to know I am not going to hide behind all the comments that seemed to say "we did it in spite of." I am fully willing to receive what consequences he deems best for me and yet resting and trusting that he does forgive from the East to the West, which I am so grateful!
Have a great weekend.....
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Warning, this a very different post! I am going to write about a story that has occurred over the last 14 years and it came to an end this last Saturday night (23rd) at about 11:00 p.m. I do not know what classification this story would come under, it might make you laugh, cry or something else but being in the middle of it I probably would have called it a "horror" story. Maybe its a Biblical story, one of sin, forgiveness and restitution, nevertheless it was providentially started and now it has thus ended that way.
Many times I still sought to pray for her. We shared the word with her so many times over the years, bits and pieces of the truth. She said she was "very religious." I think she believed there was a God, but in all the years of knowing her she did not attend a church and really all of the people she had contact with was ones that helped her. I certainly had a heart issue that I constantly dealt with as I sought to help her. When the phone rang, I would cringe. She occasionally said thank you, but everyday was so unpredictable. You never knew if she was going to have a loving or hateful attitude towards you. I'll be the first to confess, I failed miserably in this project, Terry had fewer faults than me in it. She could have fought with the devil himself and seemed a winner, was my perspective.
The last phone call I had with her back 2 months ago did not go well. I tried to call her back and make amends but she hung up on me. Right after that she must have gotten sick again, her cancer had come back. Last Sunday (17th) a medical truck stopped and asked where she lived. We thought something was up, and Terry tried to call several times but someone else answered the phone and said she was not there and couldn't give any information. Sunday late afternoon, me and a couple of the children walked over and the guy helping came out came out and said yes, she had been sick and didn't seem to want to give any info besides she had been in the hosp. for 3 weeks. I told him to tell her that we came by. Through out the week a car was always there. On Monday I stuck a letter in the mailbox and of course asked her to forgive me for our last conversation on the phone and then I told her once more about Jesus, how we must repent and ask Jesus to save us through His blood.
This Monday,(24th) the guy helping drove up and told us she had died on Saturday night and that he was sorry for not giving us any info but she did not want anyone to know. I asked him if he read the letter to her and he said at first she didn't want it read yet, but on Thursday she said to read it to her, she said for him to tell me "thank you." Now her life is in eternity and I hope she is with the Lord, I think she is, as she had a time with another lady that told me she did pray and ask Christ into her heart several years ago, so I'm just going on that. So this story is about regrets. I feel like all was well between us at the end, I made amends with her and her last words to me were gentle. I have regrets of how I acted, I'm ashamed, and saddened. Sad that I did not represent Christ in a blameless pure way. Regrets that I did not finish well with the project of "Norma." But it's over now and I know what I desire to do now, seek to live without regrets, I don't know why I feel compelled to write this, it's really a dark side of me, but it will be brought to light one day and I guess I just want to humble myself before the body of Christ and say will you forgive me for not doing right! I often wondered after Joel died how could a cranky old woman of 86 years be allowed to live so long and hurt people with such vicious words and my little boy only live such a short time, but you know what, it's the sheer mercy of God upon any of us that we are not consumed. So yesterday at 2:00 pm we went to her memorial service. I would have thought I could never receive something good from her, but I have.... to seek to live unto Christ without regrets. I do not know if this is helpful to anyone...but it has been for me. I still am in great need of his mercy and grace upon my heart, may he grant it ever so abundantly for it so undeserved! I am going to leave this post up a couple of days and then I am going to delete it as to remind my heart that He forgives from the East unto the West!!
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Remember how I told you about Andrew's steer ride last Friday, well they went back on Saturday and Andrew rode again. This was his best ride, he stayed on top of the steer and scored 80 points, and won FIRST place again!! In the video, Micah rides first and then Andrew after. Jeremiah rode a calf and had a qualified ride and scored 71 points and placed 3rd! I thought you would get a kick out of seeing them. That was actually the last monthly rodeo of the season, but they will have a final end of the year one but I think we have a goat show, we'll see. Enjoy!!!!
Caleb and Daniel,
Wow!!! 21!!! My first twins, my first and second born! Its just hard to believe that your not a young man anymore but a "real man" now. If I were to think of one word that would describe what it has been to have you as my sons, it would be the word "delightful." I really do not know what I would even change if I could. How well I remember that night, my water breaking and we were on our way to the hospital in Pine Bluff Arkansas, we had called Paps and grandma and they arrived at the hosp. and Paps had two different shoes on!!! After 4 hours of labor and many epidural's not working they finally knocked me out but we still were able to have a normal delivery. Your dad always has to tell the story as I did not know what was going on. Caleb was delivered at 6:09 am and Daniel delivered at 6:11 am. Your dad says that Caleb was crying as normal but Daniel was "limp" as a rag and they had to resuscitate him. He had to stay in ICU for about 24 hours and thank the Lord all was well!! From then on, it has been such a joy to be your mom and to see you both grow up together.I loved buying two of everything and still enjoy seeing you dress alike. As you both sat at the piano on Sunday and played the duet all dressed alike, I fell back in memory of your younger days and looking at what the Lord has done....in my heart I say thank you O Lord!!! I just recently was thinking back as we were pregnant with you and they did some testing while I was preg. and the test results declared that there was a problem, maybe spinal bifida. The doctor of course took us into his office and gave us the option of terminating the preg. That certainly was not an option for us and how ironic that on both sets of our twins we had to choose life for you and for our little Joel as well. So many memories, so many laughs, so many blessings you have brought. Now over these past few years to see you grow into manhood, I sometimes stand back and can not believe you are really my sons. I am so grateful first of all for your faith in the Lord and his work in your life. I enjoy how you continue to invest in your younger siblings lives and you "like" being with them. You still give me goose bumps when you play your music! And speaking of that, I think your music defines your relationship together. You both have always seemed to blend together. When writing compositions, to think that two minds have come together and yet it flows with such depth and meaning. I am too thankful for your work ethic which I know your dad has imparted to you! It is a blessing to me to see how you continue to fight the fight of faith by keeping the covenant with your eyes and seeking to bring your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. Hearing your perspectives and your wisdom on decisions has also been inspiring in my own heart. If I find myself in needed straights for prayer, both of you would be on top of my list of asking because I know your fervency and your prayers would avail much much on my behalf. I guess it just boils down to, I am so very grateful to be your mom and actually feel quite honored to be able to say "those are my sons." I look forward to what the Lord has for each of you in the days ahead, your brides, your families, your heritages of faith, your God always going before you in the trials you will face and the triumphs that will be yours through Christ, and remembering the faith of you dear father and his famous words, "He will provide." I pray the memories of home will always be cherished and savored, they are given unto us by our great God! I must go for now for I am about to cry.....I love you and I am always praying for you, my dear sons...Caleb and Daniel, Happy 21st Birthday!!!
Monday, August 25, 2008
We are doing it!!! Of all the wonderful things of mommyhood, this is the biggest challenge for me, but today is the day!!! It really went well. Maybe its just the initial starting. We are studying for the next several weeks Matt. 5:15, Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick. For an introductory project to illustrate the concept we did a little experiment to show that many different things in our lives can put out the light of a believer's testimony. We placed a napkin that we had lit, in the jar and then placed a boiled egg on top of it, as the fire went out in the jar the egg because of lack of oxygen was then sucked into the small opening. Very amazing!! So then to get the trapped egg out as we too are trapped in the world's ways, we must receive wise counsel. We or (I) then turned the jar upside down and allowed the egg to seal the hole and I blew into the bottle covering the opening with my mouth, still holding it upside down and removing it away from my mouth, the egg popped out. They thought it was so neat so we had to do it two times. The little ones made a candlestick out of play-do and we also played a game using a dictionary. After we finished that up, Micah and Andrew did Math while I did Phonics with Jeremiah, Hosanna and Joshua. Mercy was quite the gal as she was "doin' school" too. Bethany helps Micah with his math and Anna helps Andrew. We try to finish up by noon and then move on to lunch and all the afternoon shores and responsibilities and some fun and play time. Terry has things that he will do in the evenings to make more application of the truths we are studying. It went well and I am grateful!!
A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DANIELLE today. She is 20!!!!! I know you all remember her, Bethany's friend that stayed with us a month or so ago!!! Bethany made a kinda funny post on her blog, so check it out, sorry Danielle, just have to tell EVERYBODY!!!!!!
Just thought I would give a quick review of the first day of school!!
Saturday, August 23, 2008
The 23rd again....this number is forever imprinted on my heart. Is.49:15-16, Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee. Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me. Others may forget Joel, but first of all the Lord will never forget him, our family will not forget him, and his mommy will never forget him. Joel is still continually before the Lord. The months just keep ticking off. That number will never fade from my mind. I love you still, Joel, I miss you!!!
We are back up and running....our new computer is here and working great! We are so grateful for the Lord's provision of several folks that the Lord used to provide for our family. Thank you to those who know who you are!!!!
Andrew DID IT!!!! Last night at the rodeo, Andrew made his first qualified ride and not only that, he WON first place!! And to top it off he won $39. You should have seen him...he was literally hanging off the side of the steer for a while without touching the steer with his other hand until the buzzer went off!! I thought at first he was "hung up," but he was hanging on with all his might! The steer did step on his arm and upper thigh, but he's ok, just sore. Our crew was "hooten and hollerin." Micah came out the chute well and had a few good bucks but was not able to stay on. I guess you can tell we kinda like this stuff!! I can handle steer ridin', but I think we'd better pas on bull riding, says me!! It was two years ago in Aug. that Elijah rode his first bull. Joel and Josiah were all excited about that night!
Saturday agenda... we are going to have a big church crew here tomorrow, like all the families will be here, around 60 folks! So we are getting ready for that, Terry wants to plant some fall garden things, and I have a few errands to run. I am trying to get creative and get the birthday stuff together for Caleb and Daniel on Tues. They are having either a "Crazy Composers Party" or a "Creative Composers Party." I guess I am trying to decide if I want it to be serious or not. They are working on a big project right now submitting composition music for a movie that will be entered in the Vision Forum Film Festival in Jan. 09. http://burnsfamilystudios.com/movies/pendragon/
I read about a little 3 year old that was diagnosed with neuroblastoma in July, so he is just starting to fight this beast of cancer. I know so many of you are behind the scenes prayer warriors. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/coleruotsala
I am so happy this computer is going....good-bye library folks, for now!!
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
I am on my to Wal MArt, so I had to stop by and see all the library people:) David, our friend, had a serious conversation with Dell this morning and encouraged them to "get this moving!!" Tomorrow the Burnett's are coming to our house to play! Friday will be grocery day and the sun is peeking out today!! The guys were able to go to work, so that means "resouces for gooood foooood." You all are such an inspiration to me, to keep keeping up with us, our lives are really not that exciting but I do enjoy the fellowship with you all via this blog. It is still an avenue for me to release grieving even though it has been this long, and no I am not over it, nor will I ever be, but continuing writing lets Joel's story not be "hid under a bushel." May the Lord be honored in Joels life still!!!! Thanks for reading.....
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Since my reading in Joshua, its been kind of silent. I read a verse in Ps. 37, in the KJ, it said, verily thou shall be fed ( I do not have my Bible here, so its not exact) In the New King James which I rarely read, it says feed on thy faithfulness. So that is what I am doing, I am feeding on what he has done in the past and how he has been ever present and thinkning of what he has spoken to me through his word in past days. I have a phrase I say to myself....I am going to believe you!! I am forcing my will to believe when the feelings are so low and it just seems like life is going on with everyone and my little boy is gone and this trial seems like a dot on a page to the world. I am going to believe his truth though the noisome pestilance, the enemy brings doubts and tries to badger me!! I am going to believe HIM!!
Thanks for checking in, only 30 minutes here and I type so slow. After the rain....there will be sunshine.....I am going to believe that too!!!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Gettin' ready to ride!
Have a great Saturday!!!!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Rodeo time tonight!!!! This time we will not only be on-lookers, but some want to participate. Hosanna "thinks" she wants to ride a sheep, we'll see when we get there!! The Guys are in Stillwater at a class with Stay Tuff fencing. When they complete it, our business name will be listed on their web page. So just another avenue for provision!
Good news on the computer end, the Lord has provided through my folks and with David, (the make-it-happen man/with God's help) and his connection with Dell through his business, we are getting a Desk top to replace our lap top, which David is going to pull apart and search the inside and scan the parts, which possibly can be fixed but Terry will just use that for business if it is fixable! So again, the Lord steps in, speedily and meets a need. Its exciting when he answers our prayers, but its exciting too that he hears our prayers even if they are delayed from our perspective.
Thanks for all the white jean ideas, I'll check them out. And Leslie in Wisconsin, could you e-mail again with you question because we lost all our addresses!!
Have a great weekend!!!!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Although I can not make out a list of all the good that has come from this trail, after I read this verse I came up with truths, principles for our own children. I desire that the older ones be affirmed with these truths and the younger ones to embrace them in their lives. So I "carry" these twelve stones over from the trial of our faith and leave them in our "lodge" to be a memorial to you and as you might ask in days to come, "what mean ye these stones, or how did you get through such trial?" I could list more for sure but these came easily to my mind....
1. All of life is precious- from conception until the Lord stops the heart from beating. Life is in the blood. Gen. 2:7, Mark 3:4
2. Children are a blessing- they are all blessings, the 1st, the 11th, to the 13th! Ps. 127.
3. That Joel being in heaven would give them a greater perspective of eternal things, the berevity of life, that heaven is a real place, that Joel would be a kind of forget-me-not to remind them that For here we have no continuing city, but we seek one to come
4. We were surrounded with alot of folks and prayer, We give thanks to God always for you all.I Thes. 1:2
5. God's provision daily- even our daily neccessities, meals and such, resources were distributed liberally to us.
6. Stand for the truth- for life, the Lord gave your dad the wisdom to be aware of the world's system which more than often opposes the Lord's ways and he did not allow the medical system to tell him what to do to his son. Neh. 4:14, Be not ye afraid of the: remember the Lord which is great and terrible, and fight for your brethen, your sons and your daughters, your wives, and your house
7. God's ways and providences are for our good. Rom. 8:28
8. God can recieve glory in our trials
9. Our experienc grants a hope that we can give to others that might come behind us in like trials. Rom. 5: 14
10.Our hearts are made more desperate for the Lord.
11. To know this... In this world ye shall have tribulation. John 16:33
12. Whatever we face in life, he has gone before us. Is. 53:4, Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows.
May the Lord have mercy to engrave these things on our children's hearts, and much more. Experiences, trials, difficulties create a faith that will bear out a testimony if we are able to hold out throught the storm and so,allowing God to recieve glory.
We are soon to be heading into our "birthday blasts." Six birthdays in a 4 week time frame. In Aug., Caleb and Daniel on the 26th, Micah on the 30th, then in Sept. Joel and Josiah on the 13th, and Anna on the 24th. Dates are critical to me now especially, the memories are so special and this time in 2003, I had about 29 days until two little blessings would be arriving. I marvel that the Lord would allow us to have two sets of twins, and to have such a great preg. with them and an incredible home birth. I tell the Lord with tears often, how grateful I am for that, and because I know what a blessing children are, I continue to make my requests known, that he would again mke us fruitful if he is willing.
I tell you to have so many adults in the family is a great thing, Caleb and Daniel soon to be 21, Bethany 19, Elijah not far from 18 and Anna 16 in Sept, the family is an all encompassed cirlce to meet every need. I can have fellowship with adults or can enjoy the days of child's play. I enjoy hearing perspectives on topics we discuss from all of them, I think they too can help in making wise decisions. The reason I bring this up is I feel like I am in a new phase, with so many older ones and different endeavors they are pursuing, sometimes I find myself thinking of the days when they were all under my "wing." Sometimes I feel so scattered. Every day was so predictable, and its not terrible now but since I am an organizer, I like to know whats next. I guess for sure all you younger mommy's, enjoy this time!!!
Ok... I have a question? Bethany and Andrew are going to be showing dairy goats at the OKC State Fair and they have to wear all white. Bethany's will be easy, a white skirt and shirt, but where do I find white pants, preferably white jeans size 10 for Andrew??? Any ideas??? Let me know!!!
It almost feels like pre-fall here... makes the inside of the house more comfortable!! May the Lord bless the rest of your week!!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Just a quick "what have we been doing"....yesterday was rainy, Terry was around the house and actually did some reading and paper work, it was good to see have some leisure time as he loves to read...especially Spurgeon!!
Last night Mercy crawled up in my lap with a book, one of Joel's that he got at the hospital on his first round of chemo, as it was Christmas time and little carts full of goodies for children would come by and they could pick a gift. Joel chose the book "A Charlie Brown Christmas." I am not a peanuts fan but this book is a treasure so I am keeping it. For the two and one half weeks he was home until Jan., we read this book many times, Joel on one side and Josiah on the other side. I did not even cry when I read it this time, I was too awestruck with a phrase that stood out towards the end of the book. I think Linus, (I can't remember,) steps up to the plate to tell everyone what Christmas is all about. I too would ask Joel and Josiah what Christmas is all about, and they would say so sweetly, "Jesus." Anyway the scripture is quoted on this page and says "And there was with the angel a multitude of a heavenly host praising God and saying, "Glory to God, peace on earth, good will to men." At the time I was reading the story, we had every hope that though the battle we were in with this monster cancer, I was not thinking that in about 30 to 35 days or so that Joel would be one of those heavenly host praising God. I thought of the scripture in I John, that talks about and comparing that we had Joel from the beginning, we saw him with our own eyes and looked upon him and our hands handled him, this same little boy that I held in my lap is amongst the heavenly host now....its so hard for my brain to capture. Just think for you to hold your little one and then you can no longer touch and feel them, and to think of them being apart of the heavenly host.... Its a wonder to my thoughts in the midst of grieving.
As I mentioned I have read many stories of other mommy's journey's and their grieving. Most of them are grieving with hope and faith in the Lord. I have read a few stories and the mommy's heart are so down, they do not speak of a faith and hope in the Lord and I guess I feel so for them, I do not see how any one could face this without the Lord. I read a scripture in Ex.15:23-25. And when they came to Marah, they could not drink of the waters of Marah, for they were bitter. v.24- and the people murmered against Moses saying, What shall we drink? v.25 And he cried unto the Lrod, and the Lord showed him a tree, which when he had cast into the waters; the waters were made sweet. It is the mercy of the Lord that I am not in the shoes as some of these mothers. We are going to face bitter waters in life, what we have to do is purpose to welcome the Lord to our hurt and ask him to come and be that tree and allow him to turn the waters sweet. I pray that those that are struggling with God's plans will cry out to him, he will come and help your heart! I think too we each have to pass through grieving at our own pace and hopefully soon these mothers will come to the phase of seeing their desperate need for the Lord to help them through this.
Guess I had better continue errands in town and "git back home." Hope it will not be too long before the computer is up and going...
Saturday, August 9, 2008
There was a garden "in the beginning" and there was a "garden at the end." In the midst of Jesus' darkest hour, where agony was laid upon him...our sin, there was a garden. It was not the end! A garden... ready to receive the seed, death, but then fruit, harvesting, reaping, the seed sown is alive!! In this place where I (we) have met death, there too is a garden. I am so thankful for the "living" word as I come face to face with the reality of death every morning when I wake up and Joel is not here, he's not going to come snuggle up in my arms as he rubs his sleepy eyes. I am thankful that the Lord affirms to my heart when it "feels" so sad and when I miss him so much. I am so thankful that even though Joel's life has ended in this world, that he is living in the real world, the city of the great King, Zion. As I seek to lean on the Lord's arm to get me through the days, Joel is in the bosom of his Heavenly Father,the Lord Jesus Christ! How wonderful there is a garden, how wonderful there is a "river that flows from the throne of God," that will supply me with all that is needed to keep trudging forward!
Look at those pictures above, remember Elijah was giving it a try a while back.... this week he, Micah and Andrew got it down!! Since David was here and they were rolling around David was on the "big" one, but Elijah can ride that one too!! Joshua is almost there as well!!
On Thursday, Katelyn, a friend of Bethany and Anna came over for a visit, she helped milk goats, ate lunch with us, they took a walk in the pasture and then they played Dutch Blitz for awhile. It was a good time and I am glad we can share our farm with those that live in town and they can enjoy the pleasures of country life. Friday was my shopping day and I am so glad it was not as hot due to travels in a van that does not have sufficient air can make one quite miserable. All went well and I returned home a little bit earlier than usual, so that was nice!
Most of them headed to Farmers Market this morning, (Sat.) We still have tomatoes and okra for sale. We planted a late crop of okra, it is soon to have fruit on it, so Lord willing alot of okra coming!!! Elijah, Micah and Andrew took the unicycles and were going to ride them around in town, I told Terry we need to get some tracts and they could pass them out as they will certainly get alot of heads turning.
We are having our home church meeting here tomorrow, so when all those peoples get back we have got to get busy! I hope it is cooler, 40 folks or so can bring some body heat and with only the window unit, I hope all will be comfortable.
It seems kind of "hum drum," around here, thats OK, but guess I do not have alot to write about. I'll end with a verse that I desire the Lord to do in my heart... For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody. Is. 51:3
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Bethany (19) Dust, straighten pots and pans cabinet, clean and straighten front pantry, clean Caleb and Daniel's studio, clean the boys shower, clean 2 ceiling fans, clean the refrig. that is outside, suppose to iron if needed:) name pictures on the computer in Memory Manager
Anna (15) clean certain windows, mirrors and glass front door and appliances, clean two refrig that are inside, clean and straighten back pantry, straighten spice cabinet, iron if needed, wipe the top of two inside refrig., clean bathtub in girls bath, clean two ceiling fans, also name pictures.
Micah (almost 14) mop kitchen, straighten own clothes shelf ( we have shelves instead of dressers for all the boys in their closet) clean outside of kitchen cabinets with comet, take outside trash to pasture area where we burn our trash, clean the outside grounds( picking up and getting things in order) straighten shoe shelf up outside, has sweeping jobs outside
Andrew (12) mop under our two 8 foot eating tables in dinning area, straighten own clothes shelf,vacuum two bedrooms where carpet is, help Micah with outside chores, straighten a blue shelf in the garage area, has sweeping jobs outside, also cleans kitchen cabinets with Micah.
Joshua (10) mop two hallways, straighten his clothes shelf, help with outside chores, has sweeping jobs too.
Jeremiah (8) vacuum around baseboards in two carpeted rooms, clean out under boys beds (scary), vacuum under kitchen cabinet where trashcan is, clean own clothes shelf, help with outside chores, bathroom trash.
Hosanna (6) straighten where I keep all the plastic kitchen containers, straighten children's bookshelf, clean girls closet, wipe the chair rail in girls room, clean metal shelf in kitchen that we keep some small appl. on
Siah (4) clean boys room, help with trash outside, folds small towels (he does that each day) straighten his clothes shelf.
Mercy (2) " I help fold wags, and I like to help Anna clean the windows and waste Windex!!!!!"
Me ( :) I clean both bathrooms, (I am kinda picky), sometimes I vacuum under the cushions on the couch, sometimes I vacuum in small areas that are hard to get to that collect dust and the curtains, maybe lampshades, sometimes I straighten the linen closet up, today I cleaned out a few drawers that were crammed with junk, I usually sweep the girls wood floors in their bedroom, AND I try to keep everyone motivated to get their jobs done :)
Of course the rest of the guys are not here when we do all this but if they happen to be, Elijah mops the hardwoods in the living room and I let Daniel clean the boys bathroom and Caleb and Daniel both help with outside stuff. Now the rest of the days it is just normal chores, laundry, folding, ( they all have a list for the other days too) straightening rooms, and different groups have kitchen chores for all three meals and all the daily chores outside with all the animals, plus mowing and any other yard work. There is no way I can do all this myself and I learned a very long time ago, I have to delegate, which was very hard for me to do, because in my mind I could do it faster and more thorough. I was literally cleaning all the time and it wore me out! So the lists were started and now it seems to be pretty efficient, and if it is not done well enough, I try to gently show where the extra effort needs to be done to get the job done correctly. It's team work and I am so grateful for everyones help!!!!!
One job I did today was gather stuff of Joel's I had in two places and I bought a plastic container and put those things in there. This was so hard. I do not like to look at all that, it brings again the finality of his life here. My heart feels like, ok, he's been gone a long time now, just let him come back and have all these things in this container and let us go on with our lives. Sometimes it just seems like I have cried so much that it only brings a deeper erosion to my heart. It will always be this way until eternity.......
Hope the ideas were helpful, believe me, I know all that cleaning stuff can get in the way of more important things, like being with your children, thats why its good for us to have only one day a week and it be over and then mommy has a happy heart that all is in good shape!!!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
August 5, 2006- This was a Saturday and we attended a wedding and after we went over to a western store and purchased many "cow hats" that afternoon. Joel was so excited, marching around and out the store with his new hat on!! The picture on the side with the yellow shirt on....he was one happy cowboy!!!!
August 2007- I had just went to my first midwife appt. and was to go back on the 13th, to see if we could hear the heartbeat, but on that day there was only silence and then the following day (14th) I had the ultrasound and confirmed that the baby had died earlier in preg. And then the miscarriage that did not complete until Dec. 07
August 2008- Today remembering all these paths I have trod, thinking of Joel, I am thankful that the Lord has had mercy and at this time we are not experiencing such trials as the past few years!
You might wonder why I post so many scriptures.....it is my sustenance right now, each morning I look so forward as to what I might hear today, about what to do, about Joel, how my heart can endure such a separation, it is water to a thirsty heart, it is my "life support." I read several verses in Ps. 65 9-11, this morning and there were so many words that gave me comfort. I looked them up so as to have a broader scope of meditation for my mind as that is where the enemy seeks to thwart my hope. Here are the words in the order they came in the verses....
visitest- to oversee, care for, bestow
waterest- to run over, to over flow
enrichest- to grow, make rich
preparest- to be erect, establish, fix, order, ordain
settest- to sink, press or lead down, stick fast
blessest- kneel, to bless God
crownest- encircle, compass
I just went through each one of those meanings and made a prayer to the Lord this morning. I thanked him for visiting, for overseeing us through this trail, he will waterest my dry, hurt heart, asking him to enrich me and cause me to grow, making me rich with his graces because of this trial, thanking him that he prepared in eternity past all that we would need to suffice what we are going through, asking him to ground me more in him, for me to abide more in him, and then as I was on my knees there before the Lord, I told the Lord with great tears that I was able to bless him and kneel before his plan with Joel, and then as I thought about the last word and with the idea receiving a crown at the end of all this, while here on this earth he will encircle me with his presence and then in eternity I will be encompassed with his presence forever! What a wonderful, faithful God upon his throne accomplishing the very best for us, even through the fires and trials of faith!
OK....the electricity is all working, new breaker box in and nothing "blew up." David and Terry and the guys finished up around 11:30 or so last night. We were without window unit a/c from 4 pm until when they got it fixed, it was hot, and we were outside much after the sun went down, only to come into a dark house except for Josiah and Hosanna's tiny flashlights. Micah was able to get one lamp on so we sat around and waited for the guys to finish up. All went well and everyone was safe, so thank the Lord for that!!!! Today was the day to see if we could get high speed connection, but even on top of the barn, the reception was a little too weak, but there is one more option, David might get a relay tower and we can bump off of his possibly, so we'll see what happens!
May the Lord take those 7 words above and work them into your heart and all that you may face as well......
We know that all things work together for good to them that love God.
Upon some points a believer is absolutely sure. He knows, for instance, that God sits in the stern-sheets of the vessel when it rocks most. He believes that an invisible hand is always on the world's tiller, and that whatever providence's may drift, Jehovah steers it. That reassuring knowledge prepares him for everything. He looks over the raging waters and sees Jesus treading the billows, and he hears a voice saying "It is I, be not afraid."He knows too that God is always wise, and, knowing this, he is confident that there can be no accidents, no mistakes; that nothing can occur that ought not to arise. He can say,"If I should lose all I have, it is better that I lose all than to have, if God so wills: the worst calamity is the wisest and the kindest thing that could befall to me if God ordains it." We know that all things work together for good to them that love God. The Christian does not merely hold this as a theory, but he knows it as a matter of fact. Everything has worked for good as of yet; the poisonous drugs mixed in fit proportions have worked a cure; the sharp cuts of the lancet have cleansed out the proud flesh and facilitated the healing. Every event as yet has worked out the most divinely blessed results; and so, believing that God rules all, that He governs wisely, that He brings good out of evil, the believers heart is reassured, and he is enabled calmly to meet each trial as it comes. The believer can in the spirit of true resignation pray, "send me what thou wilt, my God, so long as it comes from Thee; never came there an ill portion from Thy table to any of Thy children.
(taken from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Aug. 5th)
Monday, August 4, 2008
....Jesus saith unto them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with them. As soon then as he had said unto them, I am he, they went backward, and fell to the ground. John 18:5-6
Whatever we face, whatever is before us whether a grieving mountain or temporal inconveniences when I am He is with us we can know that we can overcome these inconveniences and walk through the valley of death and will come forth as gold refined. Today, I am just having to fall on these scriptures because my heart "feels" succumbed to circumstances. It is I am He that is going before me.....
As to these inconveniences Terry was able to get the 2nd shower going so that is a blessing! Now all the electrical problems are looking to get resolved but it could be a day or so. We had an electrician come out and give us an estimate and his first quote was $6ooo and then he lowered it to $3500. Well.... since that will not work with our budget and this morning an engineer from our power company came out to evaluate the situation, he and Terry talked and with the help of David our neighbor they are going to tackle this job themselves, and the good news is the materials will likely be under $500!!!!! They will be putting a new breaker box and increasing to a 200 amp service. So if you think to, pray all goes well and for safety as they do this job this evening or in the morning. Terry is going to run some ext. cords from our well house which is on a different meter so we can keep refrig., freezers and possibly the window unit in the livingroom on so we can stay here while they work!
I continue to read about many other parents that have been separated from their little children and I do not feel I am on a "weird or longer than normal grieving path if I were comparing. We just have to walk through at our own pace and face this "giant" not by my might or my power but through HIS Spirit!!!! Some days are so good and then there are days when my heart feels as though it is going to burst with pain and longings for Joel!!!!
As I think of the scripture above and all the things I (we) face, I just want to take that phrase and place it in front of each burden and let him "knock it down."
I am He....my grieving
I am He.....electrical circumstances
I am He.....desire for more children
I am He.....jobs and work and provision
I am He.....salvation to the younger children
I am He...... futures for all the children but especially for Caleb and Daniel as they desire to prepare their fields.
I am He.....the school year ahead
I am He......to become more of the wife that I should be
These are just on the forefront of my heart right now, I know my list could be longer but I will leave it with that for now. May the great I am he do a mighty work!!!!!
O I just have to tell you what Mercy likes to eat right now......"Bikini Bread." It is so sweet how she says it. Anna will have to get some more zucchini bread going today!!! You probably have a good recipe but here's the one we like if your interested.
2 cups sucanat (sugar)
1 cup oil
3 eggs, beaten
3 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
3 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. baking powder
3 cups whole wheat flour
2 zucchini, unpeeled, grated, and patted dry with a towel
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
In a mixing bowl, beat sugar, oil, eggs and vanilla. Stir in salt, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder and flour. Stir in zucchini and nuts. Pour into a well greased bundt pan or 3 10-inch loaf pans. (you may have a little batter leftover if you use 3 loaf pans). Bake at 350 for 50-65 minutes or until bread springs back when gently pressed with fingertips.
It is amazing how fast the clothes are drying out on the fences, the towels are a little crunchy, but it beats the laundry mat cost!!!
May the Lord bless your week and may he be the I am He to you today!!!!
(the picture above is Aug. 1, 06, it was so hot and they were inside with the cool and having a big time)
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Inconveniences......do they ever happen to you????????? Well, they are happening to us at this time! I can hardly call them a trial seeing they are such a temporal matter, maybe they should be called "attitude adjusters!" Its like this........one shower for 14 people, riding in 100 degree weather with no air and your dripping wet, extension cords running everywhere because of an electrical problem. This here electrical problem started when our central air caught fire in early spring and we decided to get a large window unit and now because it is pulling so much electricity, it keeps flipping the breaker, so last night the breaker box blew out some outlets which leads to the dryer not working and two out of three refrigerators not working which leads to why extension cords are running everywhere! Inconveniences........ I got lots of fences, so we'll get the clothes dry at least, extension cords are working, we are cool, so whats the big deal????????? I guess for those reading this, maybe it will make you smile to know that WE do have technical problems too, we are not exempt from day to day attitude adjusters and I guess if your really spiritual you could say a prayer for us........I will say this for sure, Terry does all that is in his power to "fix" what needs to be fixed, sometimes its just beyond his abilities, so you go to the next one up...an electrician! I am sure it will all work out sooner or later!
Now.... for more uplifting journaling.......Terry went to the farmers market with some of the children and he "dragged" Caleb and Daniel there to play their fiddles out in open air. How can a dad resist an opportunity for his sons to play and minister to others!! So if your buying vegetables, you will get an extra treat today and maybe your veggies will be "exstringly sweet, ( they were playing their string instruments, get it???)
It is so exciting to know that Joel's story and the story of choosing life is continuing to go forth. Another distibutor, The Old Schoolhouse on line has picked up Joel's Journey DVD. So now Vision Forum, CBD, The American Family Association and the Old Schoolhouse is carrying the DVD. I would like to ask you if you have watched the DVD, would you be willing to go here and give a review at the Old Schoolhouse? Also Joel's Journey is being entered into another Film Festival, The Southern Winds Film Festival, in Oklahoma. This helps a grieving mommy's heart to know that Joel is not forgotten!!!!
So what does the rest of the day look like.....Bethany I think is planning on taking one of her Nubian daddy goats to an auction, I have to fix lunch for our church fellowship tomorrow, get dinner for tonight, Hamburgers, yummy!!!!! Guess I better get it going and get to hanging those clothes out...... :)
Happy Saturday!!! O, by the way, the pumpkin only weighed 56 pounds, still BIG, but not as we thought..... guess that proves things seem bigger than they are, like these inconveniences....they seem bigger than they really are!!!!!!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Josiah's Big Day
The training wheels are off, Josiah's big day
I wished I could have seen two bikes ride away!
Your brother is growing up and doing big things
He asked for his birthday a BB gun if I could bring
I know whatever I see him do
You would have been along side, not one but two
I have tears in my heart and joy at the same time
Watching your brother, with you on my mind
I'm thankful he's here, at least I can see
What you would be doing if you were here with me
Maybe you were looking down on Siah's big day
Saying, "Ride em' cowboy," Hooray!!!!!!
Miss you, Joel!!!
Well...... a big first for Josiah!!!!! Actually Jeremiah trained him in one day!!! He's growin' up!!!