Warning, this a very different post! I am going to write about a story that has occurred over the last 14 years and it came to an end this last Saturday night (23rd) at about 11:00 p.m. I do not know what classification this story would come under, it might make you laugh, cry or something else but being in the middle of it I probably would have called it a "horror" story. Maybe its a Biblical story, one of sin, forgiveness and restitution, nevertheless it was providentially started and now it has thus ended that way.
Many times I still sought to pray for her. We shared the word with her so many times over the years, bits and pieces of the truth. She said she was "very religious." I think she believed there was a God, but in all the years of knowing her she did not attend a church and really all of the people she had contact with was ones that helped her. I certainly had a heart issue that I constantly dealt with as I sought to help her. When the phone rang, I would cringe. She occasionally said thank you, but everyday was so unpredictable. You never knew if she was going to have a loving or hateful attitude towards you. I'll be the first to confess, I failed miserably in this project, Terry had fewer faults than me in it. She could have fought with the devil himself and seemed a winner, was my perspective.
The last phone call I had with her back 2 months ago did not go well. I tried to call her back and make amends but she hung up on me. Right after that she must have gotten sick again, her cancer had come back. Last Sunday (17th) a medical truck stopped and asked where she lived. We thought something was up, and Terry tried to call several times but someone else answered the phone and said she was not there and couldn't give any information. Sunday late afternoon, me and a couple of the children walked over and the guy helping came out came out and said yes, she had been sick and didn't seem to want to give any info besides she had been in the hosp. for 3 weeks. I told him to tell her that we came by. Through out the week a car was always there. On Monday I stuck a letter in the mailbox and of course asked her to forgive me for our last conversation on the phone and then I told her once more about Jesus, how we must repent and ask Jesus to save us through His blood.
This Monday,(24th) the guy helping drove up and told us she had died on Saturday night and that he was sorry for not giving us any info but she did not want anyone to know. I asked him if he read the letter to her and he said at first she didn't want it read yet, but on Thursday she said to read it to her, she said for him to tell me "thank you." Now her life is in eternity and I hope she is with the Lord, I think she is, as she had a time with another lady that told me she did pray and ask Christ into her heart several years ago, so I'm just going on that. So this story is about regrets. I feel like all was well between us at the end, I made amends with her and her last words to me were gentle. I have regrets of how I acted, I'm ashamed, and saddened. Sad that I did not represent Christ in a blameless pure way. Regrets that I did not finish well with the project of "Norma." But it's over now and I know what I desire to do now, seek to live without regrets, I don't know why I feel compelled to write this, it's really a dark side of me, but it will be brought to light one day and I guess I just want to humble myself before the body of Christ and say will you forgive me for not doing right! I often wondered after Joel died how could a cranky old woman of 86 years be allowed to live so long and hurt people with such vicious words and my little boy only live such a short time, but you know what, it's the sheer mercy of God upon any of us that we are not consumed. So yesterday at 2:00 pm we went to her memorial service. I would have thought I could never receive something good from her, but I have.... to seek to live unto Christ without regrets. I do not know if this is helpful to anyone...but it has been for me. I still am in great need of his mercy and grace upon my heart, may he grant it ever so abundantly for it so undeserved! I am going to leave this post up a couple of days and then I am going to delete it as to remind my heart that He forgives from the East unto the West!!