Friday, August 29, 2008
"unhinged, loco, batty, nutty, bats in the belfry, loony, cracked, bonkers, frenzied.".......I now claim those titles....it was going so well....until this morning......what am I talking about...HOMESCHOOL!!!!! Names and ages will not be mentioned so as to not embarrass the teacher!!! It was like this, the problem was 9-9= I finally did this after at least 20 minutes of prior stuff, I laid 9 pencils on the table and said, "I am taking 9 pencils away, how many are left?" Huh...8. I do it again....huh 7, and again.....and finally an answer that will work....."0." All I can say is "Lord help us!!!!!" I really was having a great week with homeschooling and that person that was assigned my name yesterday to pray for me must have not held up my arms like we talked about in our Wisdom Booklet with Moses, Aaron and Hur!!! Could be worse I guess........
This has been an emotional week with Norma entering eternity. It is so sobering as I envision things in her home all setting in places where she left them. I envision her table right by her bed with her big drink cup, her glasses, her special pens, her calenders that she wrote everything on, her tissues and napkins that she held and used constantly. To think its all there awaiting, but she's not going to use it again. She has a little tiny dog in the house and the fellow is going over and managing everything until her attorney squares her estate, but I feel so sorry for this creature as its probably wondering where its master is. So sobering.... eternity is so near for each of us. I said I would delete the previous post about her but Terry wanted me to leave it, so it will stay. Maybe it will serve a higher purpose than I accomplished with her on this earth. Even though I feel like a failure with the project, I read a scripture that told me to forget the things that are behind and strive to whats ahead. I am seeking to do just that!
So often I limit the Lord. I pray a prayer and think that if he answers it that way it will be so wonderful and I think it would be so fulfilling. He can do over and beyond what I can even come up with and thats why I want to learn to say "nevertheless thy will be done." I want what is bigger and better than my ideas, dreams hopes and desires. I want what is unimaginable to my mind, and thats just what he can do if its his will. I am going to remove the limitations I have set in my mind and ask God to do more than my mind can conceive, that far exceeds my expectations according to his will. This thought has most to do with what seems like is on the horizon of desiring that the Lord would provide for Caleb and Daniel to be able to prepare their fields, for their brides and families in the Lord's timing. It still could be a little time away, but I guess I just desire to see something happening on the provision end of it. They would really like to purchase some land and even start a house or something. I know it can all happen, I know God can do this, I guess I get a little antsy in waiting for a start of the vision. My part....will be to just keep praying and trusting!!!
Saturday is Micah's 14th birthday, so another "Donut breakfast." I already called the donut man and the order will be awaiting us!! He is having an Archery Party and we'll do that at lunch with his requested hamburgers, chips and the "poison drink, Coke." Saturday afternoon, David, our friend is having a pre-labor day get-together at his place. A full day for Saturday!!!
New babies.....100 meat chicks have arrived this morning. We'll be butchering towards the end of Oct. They are so cute now!
Even though I haven't mentioned about my grieving lately does in no way mean that its easier, over, or better. I am living with the "wound, the hole." Smells, sights seeing Siah doing this or that always makes me envision another beside him. He has started this little thing of coming into my room each morning and being with me as I sit on the edge of my bed and read my Bible. I told him I especially like it! He still says sweet things about Joel, how he would give "Balley" one if he were here, or if "Balley" were he would do this or that! I hope the Lord gives him a clear memory of Joel all his days. Thinking about their upcoming birth has such wonderful memories of how God gave amazing answers to prayers and brings comfort to my heart that he is the same God that brought two little babies to us. This Jesus gave to us and took and in some mysterious way it is for our best! I keep telling him," I am going to believe you!"
Thanks for your encouraging words with the previous post, but I want you to know I am not going to hide behind all the comments that seemed to say "we did it in spite of." I am fully willing to receive what consequences he deems best for me and yet resting and trusting that he does forgive from the East to the West, which I am so grateful!
Have a great weekend.....