Saturday, November 22, 2008


The picture above is what we were doing on this day in 06....... that is Coach Stoops as he ministers to all the little ones at the clinic.......

November 22, 2006, a Wednesday......our first visit to the Hematologists specialist at OU. If I were to let myself I could become very sad with the Dr's and there not being aggressive with my Joel as the symptoms he was having and they being cancer Dr's and not seeing his signs as being more than just monitoring him, but now looking at it, though confidence in Dr's is minimal my confidence is in my God and His plans exceeds mere Dr's so with that I know our lot was planned and prescribed of the Lord so I can move on and have rest in that. This day marked the beginning of trips and procedures to Joel that a mommy would dread to have to be a part of with her child. Joel being three just went along with all that was happening and did not have an understanding of what was taking place and that part brings a great pain to my heart to think he was as a little lamb willing yet unknowing. To think that in 12 short days he was to be diagnosed with such a dreadful gracious God is to not let us know the days ahead, as he gives the grace for the needed time. You see as I re-play and re-play all this it is because of the living words of Christ that I can keep taking a step forward. I am still reading in Genesis and this morning was another stone to step on and know that God is in this "place," in this place of grieving, of healing. Gen.28:15-21, And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not. And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven. And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it. And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first. And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God:

In my mind at the time it was the most dreadful place to be in, but now as I have sought to soak myself with the truth I know that it is the exact place and it is as the house of God, the gate of heaven, a place of being near the Lord, a place of seeing the Lord in a way I have never seen Him before, the dreadful place has become now a place that I know God wants me, us to be in. And the things that seem so hard like the stone used as a pillow can now be a place of rest and comfort because He is with me and He will give me bread, I will receive what is needed on the journey and I will have raiment of the Holy Spirit about me as comfort so that even now I can come again and live a life here and have a peace and one day I have the hope of being in the Father's house with my Joel and now in the midst, I can declare that He is my God !!! Having had the experience of this great trial, I just want to emphasize that no matter what folks are going through, the Word is our guide and a lamp unto our feet, there is a table to feast on whether we be in a trial as such or if we are just in the mundane of it, meditate upon it, how can we not be changed??

Well we are getting the day going, I was so thankful for the "food" this morning and wanted to share......


1 comment:

Mountain Mama said...

Oh Cindy!
Again I am so sorry for your loss and the pain it brings you. I am encouraged by your mother's heart. A heart that is thankful for and loves each one of her children dearly and a heart sold out for Jesus (no matter what). Even with your eyes on Jesus there will still be pain and hurt. There will be sadness. But with those tears God will draw you in even closer to Him - our God of hope and comfort.

That picture of Joel snuggling into your chest is adorable. Cherish those sweet memories of your precious Joel!!

praying for you,