Our Trip......

It was so wonderful to visit with all the family at Thanksgiving, Terry's "group" is always a hoot to be around, never boring and if you do not have a good time its your own default!! I am glad to get back home though, to my safe place, to the place where Joel's presence is somewhat here, the things he touched and places he went, so there is comfort here in my zone. Its always so hard for me to leave on journey's, like when we spend the night somewhere else, because it feels like I have left him and to return it brings me back to the place where I took care of him......home. Now, I want to share some about our trip but mostly pictures, Anna took about 700 but I will spare you from that!!! On Wednesday evening we went to Terry's brothers Indoor Bating Cages that he has a s business, our children really enjoyed that. Of course later in the evening's the games began and the late nights......and coffee!!! Thursday, Terry's mom fixed a beautiful meal as I am sure many of you had as well. Terry's dad smoked a turkey too and it was delicious. The afternoon was spent recovering from all the intake of food:) One tradition that our crew has is to go play football on a large field, so off they went, they all play to win, Terry and his brother Todd have always been involved in sports and they are very competitive. All the younger children enjoyed playing and visiting with heir cousins and playing hide and seek in Na Na's house (Terry's mom) Friday our family and a few others went to the beach at Galveston, we took a lot of pictures and had a fun time there. I 'll post our family picture later as I am using it for our Christmas picture. Friday evening we have a tradition of ordering pizza and getting Blue Bell ice-cream, but this time we topped it out with placing an order to go of 21 pizza's!!!! I know, Burnett family, you can not believe that, but this night it was Morris servings and not B servings!! We had quite a few guests that joined us too!! Caleb, Daniel and Bethany gave a concert with music and then later the game of Canasta began, several of them lasting until about 3:30 am and I went in to wake our crew up at 4:00 am to leave to come home, and Bethany said, "we have only been a sleep for 30 minutes." We had a good trip home and now we will be getting ready for their other grandfather, "Paps," to come on Thursday to do Christmas with children. So here are the pictures........

The Ocean Today

We went to Galveston today to the ocean.....to look out across and as far as the eye can see, the vastness, the Creation that He spoke into exsistence.......and to think that He has Joel with him is amazing! It just speaks to my heart, what a infinite, holy, all knowing God we have!

Talk to you all soon......

Cindy

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Day of Thanks

May the Lord grant you all a wonderful day as you spend time with your families. May we all have hearts that are full of praise to our great God and for those that have come before us, the great patriarchies of the faith, those that have led our country according to the scriptures and for those that are dear to our hearts that are in our lives now. We are such a blessed people!!

Thanksgiving 2006, Joel's last with us, we spent here at home, he had a fever that day and slept a lot, he went out side on brief intervals, Terry was off for several days and we were also just catching up with things around the house, we cooked a big meal and I remember taking Joel's plate back to the bedroom and sat with him and helped feed him, he sure ate a lot of turkey and then had some yummy dessert. Elijah had rented a tractor and on the 27th, Joel was outside for a bit and was enjoying getting on the tractor and pretending to drive it. We were just a few days away from Dec. 3, when we were told to admit him and would start extensive testing. Though the memories are so sharp, I am so thankful for the scriptures that tell my heart and mind that all of our steps are ordered by the Lord and His plans are for our good, for His glory and by His appointment. What a precious 3 years 4 months and 10 days that we had with Joel upon this earth and I am so thankful that eternity has no time except for 'forever'.......We love you Joel, and your all done!!

Blessings to you all

Cindy

The Day will Break !!

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.......Have you ever thought why it is called a "shadow of death?" I think because as a shadow does follow, it follows a person until they get to eternity, the shadow is always there, lingering, sometimes it might not be quite as visible, the shadow is a reminder of many things......how precious life is, how short it is, the shadow makes you think of there more than here, it helps you to think of Him more than myself, this shadow will remain.......Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether, Song of Solomon 2:17. One day the shadow will be gone because the day will break either of the return of Christ or when I get to go see Joel myself. But until then I will turn and embrace the One who so tenderly and passionately cares for me, He calls me His beloved. I will seek to bound forward as a hart, with strength that He gives and live upon this craggy place called earth. There is so much yet to come..........I am thankful for promises like this that all the sorrow, heart ache, pain, illness, hurts of this life will flee when the day breaks!!!!

Jeremiah says" where did our hot water go?" Hosanna shouts, " Wow the UPS man is here again, man we are gettin' alot of Christmas stuff!" Mercy says holding the white stuffed singing thing, "It's Balley's." The simple thoughts and questions of a child, I have listened intently today at their voices and I am blessed by the little worlds that they live in. I could probably re-phrase all that and roll it into one......"so what if we do not have hot water, we are gettin' Christmas from the UPS man instead and we can have a "Holly Jolly Christmas with our little singing man!!!" Sometimes I think I miss "little" words and phrases, but today I was so blessed by their worry/carefree lives. May we all stop and listen and be blessed!!!

The guys are on their way home, Terry is doing ok, still uncomfortable when he bends over, but Lord willing each day will get better! He does have job cut out for him when he gets here......replacing the heating element in the water tank, we have such hard water this is not an easy task as he usually has to let the water drain out of the hole where you put the element back in due to corrosion of the water and it takes awhile for it to drain, so that is going to lead to a backup of getting showers and finishing up some laundry, BUT all these inconveniences are nothing really.........

Ok....some very exciting news.....the movie Pendragon, the one that Caleb and Daniel worked on the music for many months, nights.......long nights is now available to purchase. You can go here to check it all out and order. If you do purchase one just remember to listen closely to the battle scenes and the finale/the last five minutes or so is their orchestration of music. Hope you get one, let us know what you think about it!!! It will also be entered in the San Antonio Film Festival in Jan. 2009, the same festival that Joel's Journey won in last year. Lord willing our family is planning to attend.

Ohh.....here's one more for ya, I go get Mercy out of her bed just a bit ago, I open the door and she is standing up in her bed with the biggest most cheerful smile and she says in her little voice," I am ready for Chismas (Christmas)!!!!!"

Cindy

Different things.....

I wonder why the folks that live in the country have things that break in the winter????? Why can't well houses break in the summer??? We have had many situations where Terry and the boys were out in the bitter cold fixin' stuff, like the sewer, digging in the snow and scooping you know.....working on well houses and such so this weekend we were soo very grateful we could help Timmy's (Mercy's friend) mommy and daddy with putting in a pump for their well. The guys got home around 1:00 am Sunday morning, that was good as to what we thought it would take. We have had so many kind people come to our rescue over the years so we were thankful to be able to return to someone else. David and Katelyn had us over again on Sunday evening, this time we were all able to go and enjoy the good food, fellowship and the game we played. They are so kind to have a family of 14 over twice in just a few days span. When we got there the house was so orderly but by the time we left, it looked a little different.....thanks David and Kate for your hospitality. Now starting out today, Monday, we have had a few bumps in the road, we are having to get one of the van windows fixed, hopefully tomorrow as it shattered out, and then Terry fell off a ladder on the job and hit right on his tail bone, so we do not know if its bruised or cracked or what but he is in a lot of pain. He said standing is ok, but bending over and sitting is rough. They are away for tonight so I pray he can get some relief as he rest tonight and by taking something for the pain. Tomorrow will be getting ready for our Thanksgiving trip, Lord willing, I hope all is ok for Terry for that. Packing for 14 people is not easy. I try to take the bare minimals but its still a lot..... 14 x two pairs of socks= 28 pairs, 9 guys x 2 jeans= 18 jeans, 5 girls x 2 skirts apiece=10 skirts, 14 people x two shirts apiece =28 shirts/tops, 14 nighties, and then all the snacks, things to entertain while traveling, instruments......yes we do rent a trailer!!!!!! There is just no way to travel light on this. Also going to fix sandwiches to help with the expense, because we can hardly get in and out of a restaurant for under $50.

I read about Jacob wrestling for a blessing this morning and I want to do the same, not bargaining, not demanding, but acknowledging the source of where the blessings come from and hanging on to that Source. We all desire God's blessings on our families, our children and future generations, may He ever give them according to His will. We are blessed even if we just have food and raiment, so I would say that we are blessed beyond measure and more than we deserve.....that goes along with Thanksgiving and telling the Lord thank you for all the bountiful things He has done for us! We are a blessed people but are we a thankful people?????

Have not had too many pictures going lately, the outside is dormant and dreary, so Anna has not been going camera crazy. I did go back and get the "thing" that sings Joel's song, "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas"......Josiah, Hosanna and Jeremiah lit up and are bouncing around to the little jingle. Its a sweet memory of Joel and I got it to help them to remember Joel and his silly little animated ways.......I can see him now swaying in our living room and acting silly......

Please pray for the Lockwood family, Jaynee is 17 weeks along with their 12 blessing and she had heavy bleeding this morning, have not heard an update yet. They are missionaries in Mexico.

Sometimes I wonder if I should post random things, I want to be a blessing and help to others and use this place/blog for God's glory. I so enjoy sharing scriptures and what the Lord is doing in my heart so I pray that even in the mundane things people can be encouraged and we can fellowship over God's faithfulness in even the daily things we go through whether it be a recipe or prayer for others or life at the Morris house. You all are really like dear friends.....I just wish we could meet at a big place and visit!!!

Cindy

11/22/06

The picture above is what we were doing on this day in 06....... that is Coach Stoops as he ministers to all the little ones at the clinic.......

November 22, 2006, a Wednesday......our first visit to the Hematologists specialist at OU. If I were to let myself I could become very sad with the Dr's and there not being aggressive with my Joel as the symptoms he was having and they being cancer Dr's and not seeing his signs as being more than just monitoring him, but now looking at it, though confidence in Dr's is minimal my confidence is in my God and His plans exceeds mere Dr's so with that I know our lot was planned and prescribed of the Lord so I can move on and have rest in that. This day marked the beginning of trips and procedures to Joel that a mommy would dread to have to be a part of with her child. Joel being three just went along with all that was happening and did not have an understanding of what was taking place and that part brings a great pain to my heart to think he was as a little lamb willing yet unknowing. To think that in 12 short days he was to be diagnosed with such a dreadful disease......how gracious God is to not let us know the days ahead, as he gives the grace for the needed time. You see as I re-play and re-play all this it is because of the living words of Christ that I can keep taking a step forward. I am still reading in Genesis and this morning was another stone to step on and know that God is in this "place," in this place of grieving, of healing. Gen.28:15-21, And, behold, I am with thee, and will keep thee in all places whither thou goest, and will bring thee again into this land; for I will not leave thee, until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. And Jacob awaked out of his sleep, and he said, Surely the LORD is in this place; and I knew it not. And he was afraid, and said, How dreadful is this place! this is none other but the house of God, and this is the gate of heaven. And Jacob rose up early in the morning, and took the stone that he had put for his pillows, and set it up for a pillar, and poured oil upon the top of it. And he called the name of that place Bethel: but the name of that city was called Luz at the first. And Jacob vowed a vow, saying, If God will be with me, and will keep me in this way that I go, and will give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on, So that I come again to my father's house in peace; then shall the LORD be my God:

In my mind at the time it was the most dreadful place to be in, but now as I have sought to soak myself with the truth I know that it is the exact place and it is as the house of God, the gate of heaven, a place of being near the Lord, a place of seeing the Lord in a way I have never seen Him before, the dreadful place has become now a place that I know God wants me, us to be in. And the things that seem so hard like the stone used as a pillow can now be a place of rest and comfort because He is with me and He will give me bread, I will receive what is needed on the journey and I will have raiment of the Holy Spirit about me as comfort so that even now I can come again and live a life here and have a peace and one day I have the hope of being in the Father's house with my Joel and now in the midst, I can declare that He is my God !!! Having had the experience of this great trial, I just want to emphasize that no matter what folks are going through, the Word is our guide and a lamp unto our feet, there is a table to feast on whether we be in a trial as such or if we are just in the mundane of life.......read it, meditate upon it, how can we not be changed??

Well we are getting the day going, I was so thankful for the "food" this morning and wanted to share......

Cindy

My Heart Hurt Today.....

There are so many whose wounds are much fresher than mine, for the first while it seems so open and so very painful, then it seems to get scabbed over a bit and certain memories, smells and sights re-open it and it bleeds for a bit and then the balm of scriptures suture it back up for a time....I can not think for a moment that it will ever be a scar and not bleeding at times......it bled today....I went out Christmas shopping for the children with the money their Paps sends each child. I was able to get all of Hosanna's, Josiah, Joshua, Anna, and Mercy's done. The Christmas and Thanksgiving are so difficult with all the memories with Joel. When Joel was in the hospital for the first round of chemo, he received so many gifts and one was a singing stuffed thing that looked like a white monster, maybe his name was Brumble??? anyway it played the tune "Have a Holly Jolly Christmas," I remember so well the children pressing that button over and over again to make it play, that's probably why we no longer have it, but Joel would raise his arms up and sway back and forth and sing the song in a way that was so sweet, adorable and would just make you smile with his animation he gave to the little show. Last year I regretted getting rid of it and searched all over the internet looking up everything from white bear to the song it sang but to no avail. I was sad! So today as I was out I thought I might look again at some of the places I went, and guess what I found it, the white thing and it sings the song. I pressed the button in the store and I had no idea what I was bringing upon myself.......tears, emotions visions and remembrances of Joel doing his little show. My heart was raked wide open and it was bleeding profusely. I was able to get out of the store but I did not purchase it (yet) I wanted it so badly, it was a connection to Joel yet I could not get it at that moment. I even called Anna and asked her if I should.....After driving home and my emotions settling, I am planning on going back and getting the thing. One more thing happened at Sams, I saw a little boy he was probably 10-11 months old, and when I saw him from the back sitting in that cart, he looked like Joel, round head and wispy, static, blonde, blonde hair. I had to move around the front and look at his face, but it was not a Joel face but I was bleeding again......I absolutely miss him so much, I always will, some days are just extra painful. The Lord has given me days that are so full of grace, not saying he shorted me today, but the mommy heart was just desiring her little boy. It's crazy things your mind thinks, in my mind and heart say it time to come home now, you have been gone long enough. I do not think I am whinnying, I am just facing a pain that was so very real today. There are so many out there that are in fresh trials and adversities and I will testify that He is faithful, it is given unto us to suffer and we must drink the cup that He gives though it be bitter, but He also gives us of the vines, the clusters, that are so rich and sweet......I love Him.

We are heading over to out neighbors David and Katelyn this evening to eat dinner with them and have fun I know!!! The guys are expected back late tonight, Lord willing. Tomorrow will be a busy Saturday, taking some cows to the vet, Anna is going to exercise her photo skills and take some family pictures of some friends of ours, the older boys are doing paintball and paying themselves!!!, and gettng things ready for our home church. Oh.....I am looking for board games or card games to stock up on for the winter, anybody have any good ones that you really like?? We love the card game Dutch Blitz, it is fast action, you could google it, but its great family fun

Have a fabulous Friday evening!!!

Cindy

Passing It On....

****Commercial***** Bethany now has the button on the side to order the Goat Soap, she has been ever so busy and has now been successful at getting it all together, so check it out!!!



I have been reading the story of Joseph and what riches and treasures there are in this story. Its a true story of family, vision, fruitfulness, adversity, faith, provision, patriarchs of faith that have a generational vision, great, great grandfathers, great grandfathers, grandfathers all seeking to pass on the faith to their sons, what a tender picture....I can envision it, I can see Terry here, young, children at his knees, a little Joel and Josiah, all of our children small at one time, and here we are parents training them and guiding them, yet now I see things a little different, I see that what Joseph has experienced is what I long for them and pray for them, the greatest thing that I could desire for our children is faith and that it be passed on until the appearing of Jesus Christ. Gen. 48:12, And Joseph brought them out from between his knees, and he bowed himself with his face to the earth. What do we deem as success for our children? a college degree, a great job, even health? Here is a father bowing before the children's grandfather and wanting a blessing. This blessing is what would be deemed as success for our children, 48:15-16, And he blessed Joseph, and said, God, before whom my fathers Abraham and Issac did walk, the God which fed me all my life long unto this day, The Angel which redeemed me from evil, bless these lads; and let my name be named on them, and the name of my fathers Abraham and Isaac; and let them grow into a multitude in the midst of the earth. What a responsibility and accountability a father has, for Joseph to say " let my name be upon them and the grandfathers name that were before him be upon the children. This is applicable to us mommy's too. What kind of name do we have, is the very person that we demonstrate before them a worthy one, one of faith, love, forgiveness. Can we bless them with our own name, who we are in the faith? I guess as I was reading this it gave me a greater vision and longing and makes me pray more fervently for the generations of faith to be passed on and that is true success in this world and in the world to come. We, parents are such a pillar in our children's lives, how we live, how we face adversity, how grateful are we for the little we have or the abundance, how we "show" Christ to them. May the Lord have mercy as we strive to have a name that is worthy to bless our children with.

We did find something to do last night....Bass Pro if all else fails! They had things that the children could do free, Red Rider Laser shooting, Remote Control car driving, videos to watch, coloring and if you wanted getting your picture with Santa for free (whoopie for that one) We had to top the night off with some Blue Bell! Now we have today and tomorrow to figure out and
then we'll be entertained again by our "men."

Better go and "try" to do something.....like school!!!

Cindy

Recipe.....

Wow!!!! We now have a total of 7 drivers in our family....Anna passed her test this morning, yea Anna!!!!

I wanted to share the recipe of homemade spaghetti sauce that Anna made two nights ago, it is the best I have ever tasted, so thick, it smells sooo Italian and tastes that way too, we used the rest of it on our homemade pizza crust and it was super great on that too.

Slow Cooked Spaghetti Sauce

1 pound ground beef
4 cans (14-1/2 oz. each) Diced Tomatoes, undrained
6 cans (6 oz. each) Tomato paste
1 cup beef broth
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
3 Tablespoons minced fresh marjoram or 1 tablespoon dried marjoram
2 tablespoons garlic powder
2 tablespoons minced fresh basil or 2 teaspoons dried basil
2 tablespoons minced fresh oregano or 2 teaspoons dried oregano
2 tablespoons minced fresh parsley
1 teaspoon salt
1 bay leaf

In large skillet, cook beef over medium heat until no longer pink; drain. Transfer to a 5-qt. slow cooker. Stir in the tomatoes, tomato paste, broth, brown sugar and seasonings; mix well. Cover and cook on low for 6-8 hours or until bubbly. Discard bay leaf. Serve over spaghetti. (this is a Taste of Home recipe)

I do not know what we are going to do tonight.....but something, when the guys are not here, the evening is soooo long. We have some options so we'll see after we eat our easy dinner, its hard to even cook when they are not here, the children that are here do not eat a whole lot, so I have to adjust the quantity and it almost makes it not worth cooking.....but I am going to feed them, so do not worry:) I am going to drag out my Creative Memory stuff too before they get back and do some catching up.

I have enjoyed answering several e-mails from folks out there, some about church, school, and how we operate. I feel honored that you would even consider asking me! It brings a joy to my heart as it is a way I can give something back to you as you have prayed and come along side of us. Feel free to know I am more than happy to answer any questions you might have, not that I have all the answers, just trial and error experience:)

It's a beautiful 72 degree day here.....enjoying it!!!!

Cindy

P.S. I am looking for a cowboyish/western picture with a scripture verse on it, in honor of Joel to but above our fireplace mantle, so it needs to be pretty big....any ideas???

These Three....

Along the journey of grieving, the Lord continues to give me treasures and I can find things to be thankful for. Even in the midst of being a captive or a prisoner of sorrow we, I can find and know God. I read a verse in Ez. 1:1, ...as I was among the captives by the river of Chebar, that the heavens were opened, and I saw visions of God. I am seeing God in ways that I have not seen him prior to Joel's illness. Another scripture I read this morning explained how I was able to do this, I John 5:7, For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. I think it is as we search we find, and as desperate as I have been in my heart I am finding more and more of the Lord. I am seeing the heavens open and it is through the Word, the Father, and the Holy Ghost and I am thankful that in the midst there is something I can receive from all this. In the Father, the Creator, I can know that Joel was created and formed exactly in wisdom, I can find in the Word, hope and words that enlighten the dark path, words of life, I can find in the Holy Ghost comfort that is higher and broader than the scope of the pain, comfort that a human can not give. I am thankful for the grace to seek.......thankful for these Three!!

As I look at the calender, how is it all going to fit in??? Terry and the boys are possibly going to have to do some afar work and next week we are planning to visit Terry's folks for Thanksgiving, my dad and Shirley are coming to "do Christmas" with the children on the 4th of Dec. My dad started this about 7 years ago now, they send the children Christmas money, the children give me ideas and I go shop, wrap it up and when their Paps arrives, then the party begins!! I was wanting to get Mercy a doll house and was considering the Melissa and Doug set up, does anyone have any ideas of one that has proved itself with your children?? We have a big meal and all the goodies to go with it, fudge, candy and all that. So in one sense we do Christmas early. I know for some this is a controversial day, to do Christmas or not. We have read arguments on both sides and still have not concluded what is totally wrong or right about it, so I guess we are doing what we have done for now. Personally, I enjoy the "feel" of it, I like the festivities, the warmth of the home dressed up, and I enjoy the squeals and delights of the children. It is a time that brings a great sorrow too as I think of Joel's last Christmas with us, my dad was here as he stayed over and waited for Joel to get home from the hospital. I had already bought most of the gifts, so we were ready on that Dec. 12th 2006. Joel enjoyed all the gifts and later that evening layed on my bed all worn out from the festivities with his little tractor by his side. He will be missed, as always!! It seems I have a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time! After my dad comes, you might think what do we have to look forward to......one of the things we do is a lot of baking. We have all these wonderful recipes of fudge, candies, that we only enjoy at Christmas time and we share them with others and the post man, neighbors and such, and of course the little ones "love" to make sugar cookies, gingerbread men and all that stuff that is not healthy!! Terry's folks usually come on Christmas eve or New Years eve and we have a "Big" snack night, play games and all that!! We have not been to the Thanksgiving thing in many years, we had plans to go in 06, but all of the symptoms with Joel led us to postpone it, as we were only taking him for blood checks at that time, so Lord willing we are planning it this year. There are lots of people and lots of food, people stay up very very late playing games and really acting up and being riots, its a great time!!! Terry's older brother and our brother-in -law are absolutely crazy, (in the good sense) Our brother-in-law was here taxiing me back and forth to the hospital when Joel was in ICU and we had all the snow and ice....I did not know if we were going to make it there safely on some days. Family......what a blessing.......they are there....always.... in sorrow and in our joys!!!

Bethany's soap turned out very well! I think she is going to do another batch tonight!! I will let you know about the laundry soap, we'll start tomorrow I think. Anna is cooking an Italian meal tonight.....homemade spaghetti sauce, I had a snitch and ohhhhh, its delicious!!!

We had 63 folks at our home church fellowship on Sunday and a few were missing. We have met so many new folks even in the last few months. We are still having our doctrine night on Sun eve. and we had three families last night, it is such a blessing to be together and learning about our great God and so many precious children!! God has expanded the borders of our coast and it is exciting to meet so many new people.

Mercy is "fixing" my hair on the back of the chair, better go and play beauty shop with her.......

Cindy

Save Money!!!!!

Bethany making Goat Milk Body Soap

I spend about $30-35 a month for laundry soap.....last night we made our first batch of Homemade laundry soap, which cost about $7 to make a five gallon bucket of concentrate. We will pour this in old empty dispenser bottles and fill it half with water.....hopefully this will last several months. I still have a little of the store bought left but I am going to record when I start using the homemade and see how long it last. Here is the recipe if you would like to try.

Laundry Soap

4 Cups hot tap water
1 bar Fels-Naptha soap ( I got this at Ace Hardware, likely at grocery or Wal Mart)
1 Cup Washing Soda (I got this at Crest Grocery here in Ok, but surely at any grocery, see picture for box visual)
1/2 Cup Borax

Grate bar of soap and add to saucepan of hot tap water. stir continually over med/low heat until soap is melted

Fill 5 gallon bucket half full of hot tap water. Add melted soap, washing soda, and borax. Stir well until powder is dissolved. Fill bucket to top with more hot tap water. Stir and cover and let sit overnight to thicken.

The ingredients will be a thick gel the next morning, stir and fill an old dispenser 1/2 full with concentrate, and then finish filling it up with water. Shake before each use!!! (it will gel in dispenser too)

optional: you can add essential oils if you like when soap is cool, such as lavender, rosemary, tea-tree oil. 10-15 drops per 2 gallons

Wow!!!! have we been busy today. Bethany is making Goat Milk Soap for your body today, her dad helps her with this. She purchased some new molds, they are a lily. The soap will be ready in time for Christmas. We will be selling it for $5 for the unscented. She is going to get it set up on our farm site where you can purchase it with your Visa, let you know when. Let's see what else....Joshua (10) is dissecting the old dishwasher, Elijah is getting hay today, the big round bales, we cooked hamburgers for lunch, that last of the ground beef from our cows:( Terry got the dishwasher in last night...so wonderful to get it going, he had to fix one of the van windows and he put new brakes on the van today too. This has been the first Saturday to get some stuff done. Grocery shopping went well yesterday, I did not cry....until I got to the cometary coming home, its right down from our house, its just hard to believe we buried our little 3yr old out there.....His grace....I continue to need it!!!!

Have a blessed Lord's day

Cindy

Some Interesting Facts.......

Some interesting facts..................................

And what does a LARGE family use over the course of 14 years, since we have been out here in the country..........we are working on getting our 6th dishwasher( tomorrow night, Lord willing, another new, cheap, throw away, they last us about two years, we run it 4 times a day) we have had two kitchen sinks, three kitchen faucets, we have had 4-5 standing freezers, we have three refrig. now but we have had a least 2 others that broke, we are working on our 3rd washer and I think our 4th dryer, this is our 3rd 15 passenger van, our 3rd truck, we are working on our 2nd toilet in one of the bathrooms, we have replaced both sinks/vanities in both bathrooms, we are working on our 4th couch, and comfy chairs....I have lost count, we have torn out carpet twice in two bedrooms, I could not even tell you how many coffee pots we gone through, Bethany and Anna's room has had three paint re-do's, both of our hallways are on their 2nd round of re-doing paint, we are on our 2nd printer and computer, we are on our 2nd large mixer, oh.....and door knobs.....who can count???? This is really great.....it means we are blessed, it means we have a lot of people in our home and I LOVE IT!!!!!! Just thought you might get a *grin* out of all that info........

Thank you Stephanie for giving a comment on the last post....maybe I was to presumptuous about Joel's story and should not have expected others to share. If any are changed through the means of Joel's life it is a blessing but even if none are not, God is still just and good in all He does even if we do not see or hear of the fruits now. I have been changed........

Terry and I made a dash to Lowes tonight to get that 3rd faucet. It was fun to "go out" together!! We also had to stop and get some ice-cream as it was requested by the group at home....to celebrate......I guess getting a new faucet???? We find lots of reasons to celebrate!!!

Anna and I raided a few thrift stores today. We actually found quite a few things. I found a casual black straight skirt for me, its a St. John's Bay, I think that is a JC Penny brand, I was soooo excited because it was a size 10 and I have not seen that number in a loooong time. Maybe I should not say that....oh well, I was grateful that the walking and trying to watch what I eat is helping!! I also found Hosie a great denim skirt to play in!!

Tomorrow is grocery day, its usually an all day deal. Bethany and Anna have been so faithful to cook meals each week, I am really enjoying their extra work and preparing all the wonderful food!!!!

Not much else for now, this was kind of generic wasn't it???? Goodnight!!!!

Cindy

Joys and Fruit.....

November 2006

As we press into the 22nd month of being separated from Joel and even though his little physical body is not here, he has left us with precious memories and joys that we will hold dear to our hearts until we see him again nevertheless his life continues to impact and be a testimony to many. As we have made this journey many have shared and as I was reading this morning in Philippians I was encouraged as there are still ways I can be blessed from his life. As we have sown in tears and sorrow now we can await the fruit and joys from that, Phil.4:17, Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account. That is what I heartily desire...fruit, from our own lives and hearing of ways the Lord has worked in others from and through this trial. Another verse that tied into this thought was 2:17-18, Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all. For the same cause also do ye joy, and rejoice with me. If I or we have been a service of your faith, it does bring a joy, that is the fruit I desire and as the second part says you also have joy because you are being changed first by Christ but maybe the Lord used Joel as a means and therefore we can have a joy together as we both experience the fruit from this trial and sorrow. I would be so touched if you would like to share how Joel and this trial has worked, changed, challenged, or been a benefit to your faith. We will all be encouraged as we read of each others "joys and fruit" from this journey. Thank you Lord for my dear Joel, for leaving us with fruits that are abounding to our account and our faith and it all came about from a three year old little boy whom Christ has used.....

We are settling in to a normal week, today was our Working Wednesday and things are looking pretty good around here.....thanks to my children!!!! The guys have started another Build Block house and likely be on this one for a few weeks. Its the owner of the Build Block itself, so they are building the main mans house!!!! Again, thankful for the work the Lord continues to provide and especially as it is getting towards the colder months!

Remember, last year all the miscarriage stuff I was in.....I just can not believe all that did happen. On the 19th is when "something" supposedly expelled but then the miscarriage did not complete until Dec. It would be so neat to have another baby, Mercy would adore it, continuing to ask yet content if He has a different plan. There are a few ladies I have heard of that have given birth to a baby when they are 46, 47, 48 or so.

It's my turn to get in the kitchen.....I just seem to make a mess!!!(hehehe) I am trying to fix our chickens, baking them with this Herb Rub stuff you put all over it. It is smelling good anyway. I have to figure out what to go with it so better go and at least put forth the effort that Anna and Bethany give. Also trying a new bread recipe called Ezekiel Bread.

Hope the Lord gives you grace to share of joys and fruits......

Cindy

Just Think About It......

To just think about this brings to light that scripture that says with man it is impossible but with God all things are possible....... think of a square and that square is 640 acres and your looking for a 10 pound fluffy white dog in there somewhere!!!! Around that square on the East, West and North side runs a gravel road and on the south side a highway. On the north side running parallel with the road is 4 homes (one is ours) on the West side parallel to the road is 4 homes, on the South side again parallel to the road is 3 homes and the East side is about 7 homes, and there is only one road on the East side that goes into the 640 where other homes are. The children went to the home we left him at which is on the East road, and went straight through to the west and walked a mile, they went through and over fences, underbrush, briar's and woods, then turned and came back but were walking at random, of all the 640 acres, Duffy was under a cedar tree along their path. He was in the middle of the 640 acres and a little North of the highway that is on the south end, a long ways from our house for a little dog!!! It is an amazing thought of how God works and directs. Bethany said she was praying the Lord to lead her to Duffy and that He did!!! Why do I doubt Him???? Yesterday was so hard for me, I did not accomplish much of anything, I could not eat, my heart was sad for my children because they were hurting and I could not fix it for them. I think yesterday was an experiment for me from the Lord and I am disappointed with myself that what I thought I could do, (face a difficultly) I did not do it with a steady faith, I wavered and doubted. Besides folks in the scripture I can not think of many that is as unwavering as Terry, he is so steady and consistent in trials or triumphs. I see from this mini experiment that I need what he has got. I read a scripture this morning and it really said what I need, and this scripture is what Terry does. Ps. 101:1, I will sing of mercy and judgment: unto thee, O Lord, will I sing. I can surely sing of the mercy of the Lord, but to sing of the judgments, of what He decides, of His calls, His decisions I am finding this is where I need grace and help. Terry is able to do this, I want to get to this place too. I am not content to stay where I am, I want to be unwavering and not tossed. Does anyone else do this to??? I suppose its just a life of growing, I so want to continue to grow forward and have a faith that withstands. I want to be able to sing strongly from my heart of whatever He decides in each situation. Now on a happy note, we had ice-cream last night to celebrate and Duffy is getting royal treatment. He did have to go to the vet as he had two hurts on each front leg at the exact same place, it almost looks like he got in a trap or jumped and landed on something sharp. He is getting hauled around and is enjoying his deliverance from the "wilderness." Mercy was so cute last night as Duffy was laying on the bed, she told Jeremiah "to go get a book and I read it to Duffy."

I think today we can get with our regular duties and function! The guys are pouring concrete today. Caleb was suppose to get his braces off today but he had to wait until tomorrow because of the work schedule. Last night Daniel went and bought him an acoustic guitar! I guess we can sit around the campfire in style now!!

Thanks for praying for us over the episode of Duffy, a big lesson for my heart and to evaluate what I still need. I see my faith has holes and I want to be more solid like my dear husband.

Cindy

Visiting the Duggar Family...

L-R: Jana, Anna, Anna (Josh's wife), Bethany, Jill, Jessa, Jinger

***** WE FOUND DUFFY***** he was way back in the woods under a tree very far from our house!!!!! PRAISE GOD for His mercy!!! He has been out on his own since Sat. morning around 9am, I can not believe he survived!!!!!!!!! Thank you for praying!!!!!!! I am before the Lord giving thanks and we SEE a Redeeming God at work, my heart needed this, thank you Jesus!!!! So in the square mile section, he was almost in the middle of it under a cedar tree, and only God could direct where the children were walking a little bit a go, he did not come when Bethany called, she saw him and went over to him, they probably walked 3 miles and then to zig-zag all over and to come upon a tree where he was is a miracle!!! Thank you Lord for a happy ending, for our children......and me!****************


Off we went to visit the Duggar family......but about a hour and half down the road we get a phone call from our neighbor that we had left Bethany's little inside white Maltese dog, that we got her for her 18th B.D. in June 07,( he slept with her every night and was a major lap dog with Bethany) had wiggled his way out of his collar as they were taking him out side and ran away. They pursued him and then he was gone, gone into the woods. He is still missing, we have put up signs but I am doubtful, there are so many large dogs, not counting all the coyotes!! So I say all that to let you know that "my" visit was overshadowed with this episode and having my daughters heart crushed, I am really struggling with my attitude towards God today and to have to hold in my lap Hosie, Siah, Jeremiah and Joshua all crying once we got back home Sunday evening and wondering where God is to these tender hearts and wondering what to say to them about God now, I wish He would give us a happy ending, I am growing weary of telling them God is so loving and kind and then what does this situation present to them??? I know I am writing harsh, but it's more than a dog, it was my daughters heart, I want to protect her from hurt and disappointment, but I can not. I feel like I got the rug pulled out from me. I know this all seems ridiculous and trivial yet I am having a hard time at this moment......prior to this happening I guess I was feeling like I was able to withstand a difficulty but surprisingly some of those same feelings I had towards the Lord when I was sad at Him about Joel are creeping back, so those still need to be dealt with. Oh, I am just rambling......most probably thinks this is so silly.....I'll leave it and tell you about our visit.....

We got to the Duggars a little after 10:oo and Bethany and two of the Duggar girls turned around and traveled three hours to go back and look for Duffy, so they did not get back until 6:oo pm that evening. It did not take long for ALL the children to get to playing!!! They were still trying to do some cleaning when we got there. Jim-Bob took us on a tour of the house, yes its big, but very child friendly and practical. The living room is nice and big, they have a long bar and conventional kitchen area and then they have a commercial kitchen area as you can see some of this in the pictures. It is a very comfortable home and its not spic and span, they live there with 16 children, (their oldest is married now) They do things like us everyday....laundry, eat, school, ect. We slept in the boys room upstairs, it has bunk beds with full size under it, so there were 14 places for us and we had two bathrooms in there so that was nice. Most of the boys 10 and over got the football outside going very quickly. the little ones played in the playroom a lot, it has a pool table, fooze (sp) ball, and one of those wooden outside type forts(no swing on it though) with a slide that comes down from the boys room, some rocking horses and ride toys, so they loved all that. Mercy loved the slide!! We had lunch about 12:00, we had brought our own sandwiches for this meal, Michelle served tortilla soup for dinner. After lunch, more football, and then later in the afternoon some of the older children sat around as we shared together when we were saved and how we met our spouses. We watched Joel's Journey together as they had not seen it, and then Joshua (their 1st born son) and his new wife, Anna shared about their courtship and we watched their wedding on video! We had dinner, visited and the children played constantly!! They are people just like us, they have children that cry like mine, they have children that climb on furniture like mine, they have children that need training and discipline like mine. Bethany and our Anna really enjoyed visiting with the older girls, doing girl talk you know! They operate much like we do, each one has responsibilities, chores, and they seek to work as a team, no one person can do it all. Their older girls carry out the cooking. Like me , Michelle gives and keeps everyone moving on that end. I guess I am trying to say, they are like us......seeking to apply the principles of scripture and train their children for His kingdom and see the opportunity with all the filming as a "way" for their family to share Christ. So in reality, God gives each an opportunity, they are different ones, yet with the same goal, to be a light for Him. So do not look at them or us for that matter and think WOW!!, you can do the same thing, we all can. Jim Bob and Michelle are very humble and down to earth, they are fun to be with. We stayed up pretty late, the girls stayed up later than us, we took the little ones up and went to bed. On Sunday morning breakfast was eat as you get up, they have home church at their home and about 4-6 other families joined us. Caleb and Daniel played duet hymns and Joshua, their son led the singing. After church, a potluck meal was served and then just fellowship. We left around 3:00, hoping to have some daylight to look for the dog when we got home!! It was a fun weekend, except for the overshadow of the dog episode, I was more affected than anybody else. Oh, and how we know the Duggars, they are in the ATI Home school organization that we are in and when I was preg, with Joel and Josiah, I talked with her on the phone many times and we visit a little when we see each other at the home school conference. Who knows we might be in the background on one of the shows, a guy was there videoing on Sunday and he was all over Caleb and Daniel as they played and asked them a few questions!!!!!! Just remember, as the Duggar Family, we are all here for such as time as this.....to be a light and live for Christ!!!

I guess if your an animal person, pray someone might find him and call, there are some signs up, and that the Lord would help Bethany"s heart and probably more for me.....I am the one sad with the Lord. I know we can replace the dog, but I guess I was just thinking would it not be neat for the younger children especially to "see" a redeeming God as we have prayed and pleaded for God to return the dog......

Cindy

22 Years.....Our Wedding Anniversary!!

Reasons We Have A Wonderful Marriage.......22 years November 8th

My beloved is mine, and I am his......This is my beloved and this is my friend, (Song of Solomon)

I am yoked together with a believer and lover of Jesus Christ, he seeks to love me as Christ loves the church..sacrificially, he seeks the Lord in truth, in prayer and in meditation, Terry does not have his own agenda or hobbies, his delight is spending time with and being with me and his children, he seeks to have victory over the lusts of the eyes and turns away from things of sight that would hinder our oneness, I so appreciate this about Terry in that I am his "girl," he is one that seeks forgiveness quickly with his children and I, he is a leader in our home in teaching the scriptures as we gather together in the evenings, he has great faith and confidence in Jehovah Jirah, that God will provide for our needs, he has stood for the truth of scripture many times to defend it at the cost of his job and other positions, he is very sensitive and tender with the children and "shows" them and myself affection, he has strong convictions that he stands for and our family is benefited and blessed because of that; like being debt free trusting the Lord and not going to the "King of Syria," he has always helped me with things of the house if needed such as cleaning, helping take care of babies from changing diapers to giving them baths, he tirelessly serves and seeks to not exasperate his children, he has often times made quick and fun decisions that blesses the children, he shares the truth with others and has boldness to correct other believers in love, he speaks truth to my heart when I am weary in faith and holds me up and encourages me to press on, he fought and sought to lay down his very life for our precious Joel, in all our marriage I have only seen him move forward in his faith and he has not grown weary in believing God's plans are perfect and true and for our good even in the midst of our darkest days with Joel, he is productive and has skills and abilities to fix and maintain vehicles and when things break he can "fix" it, he is very sensitive to me and is always asking "what he can do for me," he is a very contented person and can live on little, he is one that seeks to be humble and has a fear of the Lord through out the day as he works or whatever he is doing, he has wisdom as he guides and gives counsel to our older children as they prepare for their future, he is gifted in teaching and helps with our school training, he is teachable and can listen to ideas from others that would be more efficient, he is very meticulous about giving the exact truth and not exaggerating, he is a great birthing coach:), I could literally go on and on, I am so grateful for the husband that God has blessed me with and look forward to the years ahead, Lord willing, as we continue to grow in grace and knowledge of our Savior. I write this as a thank you to the Lord and for our daughters to look at the qualities of their own father as they await for their beloved husbands, but also to exhort our sons to look at the pattern of their father, to run the race as he is, For this cause have I sent unto you Timotheus, who is my beloved son, and faithful in the Lord, who shall bring you into remembrance of my ways which be in Christ, as I teach everywhere in every church. (I Cor. 4:17) This is my prayer for our sons, that you may be beloved and faithful as your father, and bring to others minds and remembrance (your generations) of your fathers ways that are in Christ! And to my dear husband, thank you for being the bestest husband ever, I Love You!!

Cindy

Being a Pattern...

Today was the day in 2006, it was a Monday, we took Joel to our family Dr. trying to figure out, "why all the fevers???" They did a simple blood test and his hemoglobin was a 9, not horrible but cause to wonder. I told the Dr. all the things that I could think of, like he said it hurt when I pulled a shirt over his head, and he had a small knot on his head, I told him about him running into the refrig. door and wondered if he could be bleeding in his head,that he was tired, eye swelling at times, and of course the fevers that would last a few days and go away. He couldn't explain all of it, he just said his iron was low and needed to supplement, so we started doing that, a week passed and still fevers, tiredness, ect.His white count was good so in my mind I thought we were safe, that is and not a cancer. I thought he might have tick fever or the mosquito disease, never thinking it was something so horrible! So this day was the beginning of the search. I see so much now as I look back, things I wish I would have done or told the Dr. to do, but thats all hindsight now, and I must rest it was all by His appointment as how it unfolded.

Rev. 2:3, Be watchful and strengthen the things that remain... That is a tall order for me, but this is what I want to do, to strengthen the children that remain with us here and to encourage them in the faith, to be watchful of the flock that the Lord has given. I read a another verse last week and have been thinking upon it for some time. I Tim.1:13, Hold fast the form of sound words, which thou hast heard of me, in faith and love which is in Christ Jesus. The word form has the idea of a pattern or outline. This is the how to strengthen the ones that remain, to be a pattern or outline of faith and love. My children need to not only hear my words but they need to see my faith and love, to Terry first and then to them. I guess if the children remember all the fun memories, all the wonderful meals, the warm atmosphere of our home but they can not remember my faith that is carrying me through the valley, the calm shores and love demonstrated for Christ first and then to family and to others then what is my life? I write this cautiously because I need grace to do this and may He give it so that I can "show" them Jesus!!

Out to eat tonight with my dear husband for our 22 years of wonderful marriage (the 8th), Bethany is getting the dinner going tonight. Friday evening we get to watch the finished Pendragon movie from start to finish with the music, can't wait!! Anna is doing some baking for the weekend as we head to visit the Duggar family in Ar. Look forward to sharing that with you.

Continuing on....only by His grace!!!

Cindy

What I Did!!!!

For those who have known me for at least 7 years know that I have wore my hair down occasionally and in a pony tail for the other duration. It has been all one length for so long a time. TODAY a change has been made.....I have a new do!!! So I called Terry and asked what he thought about the idea and he gave me the go ahead. I took the plunge and went to the beauty shop and got it layered. The length is still the same, just lots of fluff now! It feels lighter thats for sure, now I just have to make myself fix it and wear it down. I know Mrs. "B," this is a shocker, huh???? Posting about "hair" is something I am thankful for, so many mommy's are writing about their children and the illness they are fighting......I am thankful that Joel is pain free and that our lives are in a "new" normal and the Lord"s grace is so powerful to help us through what others are embarking on and in the middle of. So many children have died this very week.....we have so much to be thankful for!!!!

Anna is fixing a lovely meal for us this evening....Apricot Honey Chicken, Favorite Herbed Potatoes, Herbed Carrots, Peppered Squash Relish and Chocolate Pecan Bars......This is a blessing to me, I am enjoying all the new dinners and the time off in the kitchen!!!

You all are such a blessing, I am encouraged by the numbers that still keep up with our family. I want to be a vessel of use to the Lord as we just continue on with life. I will never be the same in the sense of a part of me is missing, yet He is filling me with hope and peace. I want to encourage you young mommy's in the challenges of raising your children and I am always available for you to contact me, not that I have all the answers, but I know I enjoyed talking with others that were a little ways down the road when we had so many underfoot! Thank you is not enough for your faithfulness to our family, I hope we can be there for you too!!

I was struck with a sadness last night.....I was playing with Mercy in her room and she had ALL her babies out, she was sitting in a chair with one of them and she was feeding it, but she did not feed it like Hosie or even Joel and Josiah fed their babies.....what they would do is pretend they were nursing their baby, even putting a blanket over them, but Mercy has not got to see me do that....by the time a child turns two around here, we have always had a new baby.....it brought a sadness that she doesn't have a real baby to experience like her other siblings. I do not know if the Lord will grant any more, I will keep asking, but I have a calm trust that He will give what is best, as He also takes because it is best.....I trust Him and will keep asking according to His will. I have so many to be thankful for, the Lord has blessed us with more than we deserve and what a privilege to be a mommy to 13 blessings here on earth and 4 that we will meet one day!!!!

Better go and see if Anna needs help, I can wash her preparation dishes at least since our dishwasher croaked again!!!!!

Cindy

The Election Today.....

Five Things Which Are No Different About This Election from All Other Presidential Elections in Our History

1. God is still on the throne.

2. The Scriptures are still the only rule of action for Christians.

3. The duty of believers at the ballot box is the same today as it has always been. We may only select leaders who meet the Scriptural requirements for civil magistrate. Leaders need not be perfect, but they must be qualified.

4. The obedient response of the elect of God to the Lord Jesus Christ and His law-word, not Muslim extremists, political activists, or the results of presidential elections, is the key to national blessing.

5. The results of the presidential election, regardless of who wins, will work together for the good of the elect of God

( the above is From the Vision Forum)


His will, His decrees WILL be carried out today!!!!! Praise the Lord that He is Sovereign and may He give each of us a fear of the Lord not man.....

Cindy

Past, Present, Future....

If I were to pick a description that I feel in my heart that best reflects the Lord for me, my situation, my life and all that we have walked through with Joel and the journey of grieving would be "Faithful and True." I read a scripture this morning in Rev. 1:19, Write the things which thou hast seen, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter. I thought of this verse in light of the past, the present and the future and how He has been Faithful and True in all aspects of our marriage and family. In the past He has been Faithful to provide for our needs and many times our wants. He has been Faithful to protect and guide our family in ways that have been a blessing and benefit to the children, like where we live. He was Faithful as we walked through the illness with Joel and gave Terry wisdom to make decisions that are not popular in the medical community, He was Faithful to provide needs of vehicles and convinces that helped our family operate more efficiently. He is True that He keeps His word and promises, He is True in that He does not make mistakes with plans, and I can trust Him with the plans He had with Joel. He is Faithful in the present, the things which are, in this grieving process, He is getting us through it and there is a peace in the midst of the tears that still flow. His promises are True in that He does give grace to go through the most heartbreaking experience I think a person can go through. He is Faithful to provide work for our family. And looking to the things of the future and the things which shall be hereafter, Oh, how I anticipate the reunion with Joel!!! Because He has been Faithful and True in the past and now, I do not fear the future and have full confidence that He will be true to His name...... Faithful and True!!! Just to meditate upon this quality alone brings calm, comfort, peace of what He has for the future for our family and the generations to come, Lord willing.

The grandparents left on Sunday morning. We had a fun visit, Pop was actually pretty calm this time!! We played volley ball, did some fence work, and played a game called Chicken Foot or Mexican Train over and over and over and over.......I think the children wore their grandmother out with this game!!!! Of course they had to have their big Scrabble match and our traditional pizza and Bluebell, thanks NaNa and Pop for the good time and memories with your grandchildren!!! Our Sunday night teaching with our friends is going well, and we are enjoying the fellowship too. The guys are working afar and we are trying to figure out what to do tonight!! They have a busy schedule for the next few weeks which is always an answer to prayer. Our 22 year anniversary is coming up the 8th, but I guess we will go out to eat before then, as we have plans(Lord willing) to visit/spend the night with the Duggar family this coming weekend. They are expecting their 18th in Jan.

On this day in 06, I had gone grocery shopping and I wrote down that Joel was so excited when I got home because of his new jeans that he got......twins are so fun, buying "two" of everything! I really miss picking up two when I shop for Siah, like today when I picked up one pair of nighties at the store. Last night Josiah was doing something to my arm that he did when he was one and twoish, for his comfort he would like to touch the inside of my arm at the elbow, and for Joel's comfort, he had a pink blanket and he would fold a corner and make a little hole and slide his pointer finger in and out. I am so glad Josiah still likes to cuddle.....it helps.

As I am finishing up here, we still can not come up with a plan for tonight, so I guess we'll hang around here.....

Cindy