As a believer in Christ, my Savior who has my heart through his blood, and since the enemy can not take that, he (the enemy) is going to go for the next best thing, the mind. It has been 19 months since we, I, have been separated from our sweet Joel and to your surprise likely, I have had the enemy bombard my mind with thoughts about Joel. Like causing me to question if he is really there, in heaven, telling me that since he certainly had outward demonstrations of sin as a 3 year old that he might not be in the Lord's presence. It is just up his alley to get us in a paralyzed position, to have us in a trap so to speak, where we are not victorious. I know all to well that these 19 months have been my most vulnerable and weakest and would be subject to the enemies attacks. I have read so many great scriptures that have encouraged me and yet I find myself still wondering at times. Terry has shared the truth with me and still I find myself like Thomas, needing to see and know for myself. I know you all would too come quickly to my aid and give truth to my heart, but until I know, that I know, that I know, I would still succumb to the enemies questions. That was his tactic in Eden wasn't it, the question to Eve? You would likely tell me about David and his son and that David a believer knew he was going to see him again, and I would think, yes that is there but he was a tiny baby. I have read so many books, read many blogs of babies and toddlers and none of these mothers seemed to have doubts, so why am I? I do not know! I have read about one mothers story of her separation with her toddler many times and it has given me help but still I was struggling in my heart, that deep place within. Just recently I was reading this story again and I made a discovery and it has given me the confirmation to my heart that I needed for my own self. The story is in Matt. 2, but the prophecy of it is in Jer. 31: 15-17, Thus sayeth the Lord; A voice was heard in Ramah, lamentation, and bitter weeping; Rahel weeping for her children refused to be comforted for her children, because they were not. Thus sayeth the Lord; refrain thy voice from weeping, and thy eyes from tears: for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy. (17)And there is hope in thine end, saith the Lord, that thy children shall come again to their own border. I decided to look up verse 17, and my heart was so calmed, I wept and wept before the Lord as I saw and heard his words speak to my heart. I want to write out here what these words mean as I looked them up in the Strong's.
hope- a cord, and attachment, expectancy, bind together, twisted
end- last or end, the future
children- a son, ( a young one)
come and again- turn back, again
border- cord, twisted
I want to articulate how these words caused my heart to just bow in awe of how I was desperate for an answer and this discovery has been water to a thirsty heart to say the least but I likely can not express that here. When I thought of the word hope and of Joel's beginning in my womb, his expectancy, what is it that bound us together? It was the "cord," we were bound together with the umbilical cord. So from the very start of his life there was hope. When we think of the end, I guess we think its all over, but here its the future, it is not over, I am not through being his mommy, I will always be his mommy, in the New Jerusalem, I will know him, he will know me, we'll be together! And the child here is a young one, a toddler, this prophecy was in reference to Herod killing the around two year old males and under ( Matt. 2:16-18) And then there is the emphasis of the words come and again, this spoke to me that a double yes , that Joel and I will be together again! I was so encouraged with the word border, how it too meant cord and as twisted, just as the beginning with Joel and what bound us together, the cord, so it shall be in the end, in eternity, he shall come again to his own border, he shall come again to me as we were bound together with a cord, so shall we be there together!! He is there, waiting!! I am so grateful to the Lord for giving these words to my heart! They are a sign post for me now if and when the enemy attacks my mind again. This has been the darkest pit of my life, so why would the enemy give any breaks, He's seeking to devour, to steal, and kill any truth away from freedom and victory. It's the truth of scripture that shall set us free from whatever we are in bondage to, fears, doubts, sin, unbelief. I love meeting with the Lord in prayer, entering his presence with groanings that the Holy Spirit then takes and intercedes to the Father, I guess I feel that yes I am in His presence and Joel is in the crowd somewhere. I love to think about heaven and try to even imagine living in our Resurrected bodies, not having to deal with all these wearisome thoughts that I have now, not having tears and sorrows but having a constant joy, unending pleasures with people I love, never having to leave those special people, I love the word "forever." I miss Joel so deeply and there are tears that are shed each day, but I also shed tears of hope and whats ahead in eternity with him and with that light dawning brighter and brighter to the full day, I keep putting my feet on the floor each morning!
May the Lord continue to conform us unto His image.....