Thou Art God....

Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever thou hadst formed the earth and the world, even from everlasting, thou art God. Ps. 90:2

Thou art God.......who gave us Joel

Thou art God......who took Joel

Thou art God......who formed and weaved him together

Thou art God......when our days were sunshine

Thou art God.....when our sunshine turned to midnight

Thou art God......when I was so angry with you

Thou art God.....when I can bow to your will and say thank you

Thou art God......when I miss him so, my heart feels it might burst

Thou art God.....who fills the depth of sorrow with joys and anticipations that lie ahead

Thou art God.....who is my shield when the enemy speaks of death and hopelessness

Thou art God.....who speaks words of truth about the resurrection and that Joel is living with you

Thou art God.....who gives me grace to continue on with my family here and in the now

Thou art God.....who prompts a 5 yr. olds heart to bring me flowers

Thou art God.....who has blessed me with a 2 year old that says "I wuv you."

Thou art God.....and I can worship you and see your infinite wisdom in a flower and a bumble bee

Thou art God!!!!!!!

Cindy

Buck Picture

Here he is......for those that are interested!!! Probably for many, he just looks like a goat and wonder why he's so great.....lots of muscle, big rear end, huge chest, straight topline and he is not quite 6 months old!! We are trying to get all his papers overnighted so Bethany can show him this weekend at Tulsa Fair. My dad and Shirley are coming for the goat show, so another big weekend!! Not much else around here.

Cindy

We Got Him!!!!!!

This post is a proclamation to the previous one that the Lord answered our prayers today......we got the buck that Bethany specifically wanted......and we won a chair for getting the "highest selling buck" at the show, YIPPEE for us!!!!! They should give us a chair alright and more!!!!! :) Bethany is very excited with the potential of this guy. He is the half brother to the Reserve Overall Grand Champion buck at the National show this year. I'll post a pic of him tomorrow so we can show him off, meanwhile look at that spectacular chair!!!!!! :D

Cindy

Seasons....

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heavens. Ecc. 3:1 We are officially in the "Fall Season," seasons of life come and go, facing the months before me are the hardest. I have memories of Joel and there are many specific dates that are very clear, but starting in Oct. 2006, I have these pieces of paper that have most everyday of what he ate, how he responded, how active he was as the fevers came regularly, so I can look at these and literally see what he was doing on this or that day in Oct. 2006 and it is so hard as I envision all that he was going through, he was as a tender ewe, following his parents in the pursuits of trying to find an answer, he did not resist but helplessly followed.....By definition mourning and sorrowing are the same but by experience, feelings and emotions they seem to be different to me. For me my mourning was the first months, maybe the first 7-8, once the acceptance came and now I still have many tears but it is a sorrowing with rejoicing, a hope, I will always have this sorrow and now as this season of fall is here, when I play by play it in my mind the sorrow is heavy, its weighty to my spirit. I find myself sighing out loud, I find myself pleading for a token of good that the Lord might show me because of this trial, I find myself a bit wanting the Lord to "show" me something, I want something given back for the taking of. I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it, My faith is truly and has been exercised, I guess at this very moment, I feel like a runner and I need and energy boost to finish. He hath made everything beautiful in his time.... I guess I am longing for that time to be now. I miss you, my Joel!!!!

One way to describe our lives now, is revolving doors, not always like this when they were all younger, but that way now, its exciting and fun....so I will fill you in.....remember Rancho the new puppy, well on Tues he got very sick, he goes to vet, they end up doing an x-ray and think he has a foreign object in his intestines, so they do surgery and no object but his intestines were kind of fip flopped around, he is still at the vet getting IV fluids but improvement....yea, like $$. Next the Tulsa Fair went well for Bethany and Andrew! Andrew placed 4th in the open show and he placed 2nd in the Youth Show, Bethany got Reserved Champion in the Youth Show. Friday some of us went to the huge Wildlife Expo and met up with the Burnett family and they came for dinner Friday evening. Played volley ball and a game inside later. Bethany is preparing for breeding season and she wants to continue higher breeding so that means we do not use the buck we used last year, which means we need a buck for this season, which means we pray and ask the Lord for provision because these little or "big" animals can cost as much as a used car ya know!! We literally did not have all the resources to do this but the Lord accomplishes and answers prayers through means that seem to come out of the blue but not really. We get a call from a couple from Colorado and they are coming to the sale that Bethany is attending today. Somehow they found our website and want to look at the bucks that we have for sale. They came by on Friday evening and are very interested in both!!! Yea!!! He said he would let Bethany know at the sale when they saw our crew there, which they did confirm they want both of them. So now Bethany is at the sale and has found a younger buck she is interested in and we are praying the Lord will grant this specific one to be auctioned to her bid! This is just one of those stones that I mentioned awhile back that I desire each child to see that they can use and stand on in their future of how the Lord does hear and answer prayer according to his will. Very neat!!! So here we are on Saturday, some are at the sale, some of us here preparing for Sunday church at our house. Oh, and I fixed Goat Chili on Thursday, the guys did not have a clue it was goat!

Blessings to all!!!

Cindy

Contrasts....

I am still "hanging around the empty tomb," transfixed on the Resurrection, it is fascinating, enlightening, encouraging....as I said before, it is my future with Joel! I like to envision what it was like to be there. And they departed quickly from the sepulchre with fear and great joy; and did run to bring his disciples word. (Matt. 28:8) As I sat and thought about this fear and great joy, such a contrast, I started looking for other contrasts around the Resurrection. I saw these....1) Death/Life, 2) Fear/Great joy, 3) Law/Grace, v.66, So they went, and made the sepulchre, sealing the stone... by the law the stone was sealed. He defeated death and lives, sin and fears were shut in the tomb, now great joys of eternal hope for believers, the law was fulfilled perfectly and when the stone was rolled away, grace flowed out. v.7 and behold, he goeth before you into Galilee... He went before us in death, taking fears and sin and the law and has brought us life, great joys and grace! His last words to them when He left them was, it is finished and his first words when he met them was All hail, which means O joy, to be cheerful, happy, be glad rejoice! Matt 28:9. Jesus met them, saying All hail. When Joel left us, it was finished in this life, but the message from the Lord now to my heart, is All hail, be cheerful, be happy, we will meet Joel again!! It is because of the truths like these that I am able to be free from hopelessness. Still many tears but anticipation!

1/3 of my students fled today.....Micah is helping the boys work and Andrew is goat showing with Bethany and Terry. I am going to do school with the rest here shortly! Terry calls these opportunities "Field Trips." They do not take them often, but sometimes its a necessity.

We had our first Goat Meat two nights ago.....goat meat enchiladas, it cooked up just like beef, I lit a candle prior to cooking because I did not want a bad odor going but it was fine. The crew did not even know until I told. We have roasts, chops, ribs and ground goat. I am going to use it just like beef.....coming soon....Goat Meat Burgers!!!!!!

I had someone ask us for some tips and how we encourage the children to get along with each other, to show they love each other, how they become best friends? Sometimes I find it hard to answer questions like these because as I look back I do not have formulas from books I have read or any seemingly pat answers but as I tried to make my brain come up with something, one way I think that has encouraged healthy relationships amongst them is being together, working together, playing together. They do have friends outside our family but even when they are with them its usually our whole family is all together. When Bethany needs to go on an errand, a brother usually goes with her, someone is always with someone!! Another thought would be is the view of children is proclaimed daily in our family, how children are a blessing, how precious you are. As they are taught this truth from scripture, the older ones hold the younger ones up in thought, and with deeds and investing time with them, that they are valuable and a blessing from the Lord. Unlike the world and young people who see small children as insignificant, too much trouble, or I have my own plans and I do not have time for you! Our children will follow our example, they will value what we value, do we value the blessing that children are or do our children see us putting more value on what this world had to offer? Of course our younger ones are still in molding phase, but they do have wonderful times together and on a funny note, they only have each other to play with, I do not make it a habit of giving them opportunities of going to this ones house, or sleeping over there, or going out with this one or that one....its us or nothing!!! I think its a"way of life" that is carried out everyday, and then its just the mercy of the Lord. One other thing that we encourage them to do is to have them seek for forgiveness when unkindness and offenses are made, it causes them to demonstrate humility as they go to each other and restoring the fellowship between them. I think too all that the children have been through with Joel and they see how short our time can be together has brought a reality to them that maybe can only be grappled as the trail gave the experience, so they know in a sense of how precious time and people are. I am grateful for the relationships they have, but there is always ways to improve, enhance and encourage a healthy sibling relationship, so it is ongoing and it takes hearts that are growing in grace for this to happen. May the Lord continue it in our family and yours!!

Ok....these munchkins are huuuunnnngryyy!!! Better go and get the grub out!!!

Cindy

Anna's Party Pics

Anna had a fun time at her "Photo Party." I had picked out 6 of her photos and had them enlarged and we used those to decorate with and some pictures in frames for the table. We also played a photo puzzle game with two teams that each had 15 photos cut in half and the teams had to see who could put all their pictures together first! Anna wanted BBQ Brisket for her meal, Bethany made some delicious rolls too. Anna picked an Apple and Peach pie for her birthday dessert, it was yummy!! Terry read her a birthday blessing, which is a tradition for our family, encouraging them to strive and reach for all that the Lord has in store for them. We ended up out on the volley ball court as Anna's request for some fun! What a blessing to be together and enjoy another birthday!

Cindy

Anna is 16 !!!

Joel and Anna on her 14th birthday 9/06

Happy Birthday to my wonderful daughter, Anna!!! Our Ok. journey began as we moved here in May 94 and Anna was our first baby born in Ok. One of the first things that comes to mind with Anna is that she did not want to go to bed and sleep through the night and in the day the only place she would sleep was her swing! I remember Terry buying me a set of parenting tapes when she was 5 months old and gave them to me, boy was I offended, this was our 5th baby and I certainly did not need tapes of how to take care of one.....but these tapes changed our lives, we finally got some sleep after 3 days of training......and ever since then it has been ever so smooth with my sweet Anna!! So many ways I am blessed by Anna, first is her spirit of quick repentance and making it right before the sun goes down! She has always loved babies, real ones!!! She is even now still fervently praying for another new baby for our family! When Joel and Josiah were born, she lovingly and tenderly helped with these two bundles of blessing way into the wee hours of the night! She enjoys being with her younger siblings and just getting down on the floor and playing with them, building them "neat barns and stuff." She has spent a lot of hours reading and learning about the Angus breed of cattle and has become quite proficient in knowledge, and even has given her cattle handler brother, Elijah a little bit of "info." As you all know she makes all the desserts that we consume and works tirelessly at producing a dessert that not only tastes good but it has to "look" good to!! I do not know what I would do if I did not have her hands in the kitchen, she makes breakfast most every morning and is very observant to serve and clean up if needed! Anna started doing laundry when she was 6 years old, WOW!!! and has faithfully carried out this task for 10 years. Anna was spending the night with Terry and I at the hosp Jan. 3rd, when Joel had his seizure and we saw him slip into a coma. She knows the horror of that dreadful night, her heart too is broken but she finds strength in the scriptures and has the hope of seeing her little Joel again!! Of course, she is the photographer around her and she does an excellent job with that, taking pictures that could be a winner in a contest! Anna likes adventure and enjoys doing "stuff" with her older siblings too, she is a little more reserved when it comes to craziness that they think of but nonetheless, she likes to be in the middle of it. Throughout the day she sits at the piano and cheers my heart, and then she'll pop outside and work in the garden, remember that huge pumpkin she grew?? Anna is many things to our family, but if I were to sum it up in a few words, a gracious one serving her family! I love you Anna, and I hope the Lord hears your prayer and grants our family a new baby.....but if not, one day Lord willing I will get to help you take care of your baby!!!! May the Lord continue to conform your heart into His image and reap a bounty of blessing in your own life for sowing so deeply in your families lives!! Bethany made a sweet and funny post about her dear sister too.

Happy 16th, Anna!!!!

Your Mom!!

(I'll post some of her BD party later this evening, that is if they turn out, as I will be taking the pics)

Still Remembering.....

It does not have to be Jan. 23rd for me to think of Joel, its everyday of course but the two digit number 23 is etched on my my mind forever and all that took place on that day. I replay and replay it over and over.....it is a little softer now. I like to think of something special to do for Joel whenever the 23rd comes, I do not know how long creativity will carry me, but I thought of the picture above and Bethany made it for me this morning. Joel and Josiah, forever twins. (Matt. 28:6) He is not here.....neither is Joel, a great sorrowing.....he is risen......a great rejoicing, because He lives my Joel lives!!!!

Cindy

Happy Fall.....

We have pictures all over the house of Joel and Josiah. Two little cuties, and many of those pictures were setting there before all this happened with Joel. At that time I would catch myself looking at the pictures and at them as they played and lived each day on the farm here and dream, think, envision what they would be like when they got older and grew up. Thinking about all the fun things I would buy them, all the two of everything, the accomplishments they would achieve, bikes they would ride and destroy (we are famous for tearing up stuff) just about their future. Now as I look at those pictures 1/2 of the visions I had, the future, is gone.....but is it? Today as I read a lot of the scriptures about the resurrection in the Bible, there is a future for Joel, and it all is because of the resurrection. Many years ago I prayed a prayer for quite a while asking the Lord to make it known to me what it was to know him, the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of his suffering. I do not think in any way I would be able to grasp somewhat the power of his resurrection if death had not come at our door. It is in this power that motivates my heart to look beyond, to the unseen, of what is to come. It brings an anticipation to my heart! If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable. Before Joel's illness, I thought more about "this life" than "that life." In my heart I really think I was miserable. Now I find myself thinking about there, that life and it brings such hope of the future, the future with Joel again. Death is swallowed up in victory As I thought about that verse, I was thinking that every misery, every pokie, every hurt, every tear, every pain that he endured, is all swallowed up....in victory!! The Resurrection is more powerful to me now because through it is all my hope for Joel's future and as I look at those pictures, I am blessed because Josiah is here and Lord willing we will see great joys and fruits from his life and I smile in my heart knowing the other 1/2 will be brought to pass as well.......O taste and see the Lord is good, I can taste the Resurrection already.

Happy Fall today....we are going to have a Fall Party this evening, our friend David is coming too. We are having a special meal , Bethany made rolls but cut them out with a cookie cutter in the shape of a pumpkin, Anna is making fall sugar cookies and two more yummy desserts and we are having Autumn Tea to drink. We'll have to build a campfire of course and volley ball before that....Jeremiah is super estactic that fall is here, because he said thats when the robins come out, and I guess the not so cheery news is that he has a BB gun:( The guys are around here, we did school, Caleb and Daniel are working on the huge music composition project and not enough time and they are perfectionists at that! If you think about it pray for them, that the Lord would give them inspiration and be able to accomplish much in a short amount of time. Tulsa State Fair is ahead of us this week, and Anna's 16th birthday is Wednesday!!! She is having a Photo Party. This is the last of the birthdays until Dec...whew!!!!! The Burnett family is coming to visit us at the end of the week too. Busy all week it seems.

Gotta "git" and fix the viddles! Blessings to you! *for Marie, I got the necklace at Mardel's in OKC, a Christian bookstore, but if you look on line for Reunion Heart I found it on there too!

Anna took some pics of me and Terry yesterday, I hardly ever wear my hair down, gets in the way, anyway I thought I need to get a picture of us together, it seems its always the children and if I "croak" or something, I at least want him to have a pic to remember me by :)

Cindy

Being Together......

Well......the positives first......we had a great day of being together, we are blessed with our self employment and the flexible schedule that Terry has to be able to spend so much of this week being with his children, we had a good lunch, we met people, had an inquirer that is interested in buying one of our goats, and Mercy felt good and had fun today (last time she was under the weather) now, the not so good news.... we did not do so well today, Bethany was 7th out of 15, Micah made the first cut in one class and Elijah placed in a very small class with our Mr. huge buck. Oh, well.... give it another try next week at the Tulsa State Fair. One thing about all this, the family can work and be together!!!! They had to get one more race car ride in!! The guy running the race cars figured our crew out....he was talking over the loud speaker and said, "hey, where's your dad? Do ya'll live at the fair?" You can't hardly miss a group all tagging around together like ours!!!

Have a wonderful day of worshiping the Lord, with your families tomorrow!!

Cindy

A Gift in Honor of Joel.....

Last week for Joel's birthday, Terry's folks, his mom, sent me a card and Joel's birthday money and said I could get something with it......I knew exactly what I wanted to get in his honor and memory, this sterling silver, Reunion Heart Necklace. I saw it about a year ago, but never did get it, now its even more special as its in honor of his 5th birthday. It has a little poem inside the gift box which reads;

Since heaven has become your home
I sometimes feel I'm so alone;
ans though we now are far apart
you hold a big piece of my heart
I never knew how much I'd grieve
when it was time for you to leave
or just how much my heart would ache
from one fragment you would take
God let this tender hole remain
reminding me we'll meet again
and one day all the pain will cease
when He restores this missing piece
He'll turn to joy my every tear
and when I wear this necklace near
it will become my simple way
to treasure our Reunion Day.

There is just something about grocery day and lots of tears........

Getting ready for the Boer show tomorrow. Terry took a load of em' down to wash and groom the goats and I am here with Caleb and Daniel and the littles. I guess we'll fix something for dinner and make preparations for tomorrow and I need to get lunch for Sunday church, and I think some coffee and a camp fire is calling later this evening!!!!!

Please pray for the little 3 year old Cole, I mentioned about him several weeks ago, this morning he got to meet Jesus......and Joel. His parents are in the mid twenties, so very young for so much pain. A long journey ahead and one they will never get over.....

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/coleruotsala

Terry said there were sooooo many Boer goats, I would not be surprised if there are 30, 40 50 in the classes. Going to be tough!! I will report tomorrow late. It will be great to be winners, but its also wonderful to be together and I am grateful that Bethany has this interest, and she demonstrates much character in the goat endeavors she is pouring herself into! She and Andrew are WINNERS!!!!!

Happy Friday!!

Cindy

A Winner!!!!

Finally, something to write home about......The Lord granted favor and answer to prayers today...and a different judge. :) Bethany received 2nd place in the Open Show, there were 10 entries and a 4th place in the Open show. In the Youth show, Bethany got 2 Firsts places (two different classes) and then Grand Champion Junior doe, Andrew got Reserve Grand Champion and then the big purple banner was Best Junior Doe of Show. Plus Bethany will receive cash for winning too through the mail. We are very thankful and excited!!!

They also had some more fun on the side....race cars!!!!

Have a good evening!!!!

Cindy

OKC State Fair Goat Show

We left at 7:oo am and returned in the evening around 6:15 pm, so almost 12 hours worth of it. We had a good time anyway.....Bethany and Andrew placed 6th and 10th, which is not great by any means, but this was our first Dairy Show and good experience. She did place 2nd and Reserved Champion and Andrew 4th in the youth show which is for students 20 and under and they judge that when they are in the age classes of goats, but it is really not much to speak of. Back today and repeat the schedule of yesterday except with a different judge. So what did we do in between the waiting for our turn at showing.....I guess you see those pictures.....right outside the goat barn the New Holland tractor display had peddle tractors for the little ones to ride free, we did that at least 4 different times, Josiah really liked that and you can see his determined face!! Now as for the mechanical bull riding it was also right outside the goat barn too, but was not free!! Micah went first then Andrew, he gave a good ride then Elijah and the guy said to him "this is not going to be a joy ride." He really slung Elijah around good, I think the fellow was quite surprised that our guys could stay on for so long. Josh and Jeremiah were next and he gave Josiah a free ride. Josiah surprised me, he stayed on for a good time. We walked around some, went into some of the children's buildings, watched the herding dog/calf competition, which was really neat, had lunch(that we took, the food there I would not want and too expensive) Mercy was a bit under the weather, I think she had what Terry and I did last week, so it was challenging to keep her happy, she wanted me to hold her, I did not mind, but she gets heavy after walking for so long, she did take two naps while I held her so that was nice! It was a beautiful day and enjoyed just being together! Thursday will be a day of no showing and then on Friday, the Boer goats will be taken down, bathing and grooming and trimming, getting ready for the all day of Saturday showing. Friday is my grocery day, so I will have to juggle Anna staying here and keeping the little ones for me!

I think the enemy is always seeking to devour if he can not kill. I was thinking of Pilgrims Progress and the Giant Despair and how he had to be fought and it was with truth. This giant often comes with taunts and jeers to my mind. When you literally go through a death situation, the only way to see something good out of is to put it alongside of the Resurrection, then starts flowing the hope, the life that is living but just in another place. I read a scripture in Romans and here even in this scripture death/life are side by side, but as we know there is victory! So this is my scripture that I am going to battle the giant with..... For if we have been planted together in the likeness of his death, we shall be also in the likeness of his resurrection. (Rom. 6:5) I like to think about Jesus' resurrected body since the scripture says we will be in that likeness, that means since he ate, was touched and felt by others and they recognized him and the relationship they had, we too will experience that, I will be able to hold, touch and feel Joel again, in his resurrected body. It is anticipation of a day and that gives me hope in the sorrow. I have enjoyed reading the book Heaven by Randy Alcorn, there is truly a day, the New Jerusalem to look forward too, even as I drive down the road and see things that deteriorate, that are broken, fences and such, things now just wear out, what a day when the New Heavens and the New Earth, (Rev. 21) the Holy City and we will inhabit that great place, where there will be no more death.

Have a great day!!

Cindy

This Grace !!!

By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. (Romans 5:2) Grace: unmerited favor

I am so thankful that it is not "that grace," a grace that was in the past, all used up, that it hinges on me doing something, and is no longer available to my present standing circumstances. I am thankful that this grace is for the present, for the now, it is given though I am so undeserving, this grace will move with me to the future for wherein I stand. It will always be this grace whether its 3 weeks, 6 months or years down the road, it does not change or diminish. As I stand in sorrow, this grace is sufficient, awaiting for prayers to be answered, this grace sustains, if one has physical needs, this grace gives endurance, a financial need, this grace provides, longings that are in my heart, this grace fills! Even if all is well and smooth and we are abounding, we still need this grace to stay humble and that we can say with Paul, "I know how to abound." No matter where we stand now or where we will stand in the days ahead, this grace, is our all sufficiency and as it says in verse one, it flows from the fountain head through our Lord Jesus Christ and we have access to it through faith in the Lord. The scriptures following speak of tribulations, and the train of causes that can follow as we receive this grace. First the tribulations, then patience, then experience and then hope. God desires that we make it through the trials with this grace and we land on hope awaiting for the glory of God. So whatever place wherein you stand today, this grace is available.

What a very busy week ahead....the guys went to work, Elijah had to take 3 of the goats to get health papers and he will go on to work, Terry and the girls are expected this afternoon to get back from Mo., Bethany has to have the goats checked in tonight by 6:00 pm at the (OKC State Fair) and get them groomed and ready for tomorrows shows. Late nights I see!! All this week we'll be back and forth . I am hoping to get a little school in somewhere, but we'll have to categorize this week under Livestock Management. I won't talk about the week after, goat sales and the Tulsa State Fair!!!!!!!!!

We made it through Joel and Josiah's birthday, there were more tears the days before and now after, it was this grace that got me through it!! Thank you for praying! Now just thinking about all we were doing in fall of 06, the memories will be there always, I just have to say thank you Lord that we were blessed with him for 3 years, 4 months and 10 days! I have dug a well and my tears have filled it up and my prayer is that the Lord will make it a useful reservoir to others somehow, someway!!

Blessings on this Monday!!!!!

Cindy

Today...

What we did today.....

* Terry, Bethany and Anna left the house around 5:30 am going to visit Danielle in MO. and will be returning tomorrow Lord willing!

* Caleb, Daniel, Elijah, Micah and Andrew went to church and did not arrive home until 2:00 pm and ate lunch.

* I stayed here and fixed lunch, easier on me than corralling the littles without Terry.

* I worked on Joshua's Creative Memory book and got around 75 pictures in, bringing it up to date.

* Sat outside and watched Mercy and Hosanna play, while Josiah and Jeremiah were on an adventure in the pasture.

* Caleb and Daniel went to our good friend David's house to download some of the Pendragon movie, as they are writing the music for parts of it, but the adventure to that included hauling our desk top computer over there only to find out when they got there that it does not have an internet chip inside of it, sooooo they proceed to haul the whole computer system up into David's attic in a 2x2 foot opening and of course its dark!!!! They are desperate, time is of the essence. They are quite the guys for "get it done."

* Made cookies at 9:00 pm, sat out by a campfire and drank coffee with the children and listened to Mercy tell us stories about how she fell off the moon, hurt her back, she is not a baby but a tiger (she is trying to say toddler ) riding bulls, how she hurt her back again and that her name is Mercy!!!!!!!!

* Now its time for bed and I am ready!!!!

* Good Night

Cindy

To Joel, From Dad....

Dear Joel,

My dear son, you would have been five years old today. Elijah's gone to get donuts, I know you would be so excited waiting for them to arrive. You were always so happy at birthday time, even if it wasn't your own.

Your dad really loves you. I would love the chance to walk with you today, and to hold your hand. It would be a real blessing if I could carry you and have you squeeze my neck really hard.
We went fishing a few weeks ago, and I know that you would have had so much fun throwing things into the water.

But, for some reason hidden in the eternal counsels of the Sovereign God, he chose to take you unto Himself. One of His reasons may have been to remind us that this life is temporary, and the life that is eternal is so much more important than this temporary existence. "We look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen, for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal" I Cor. I love you my precious Joel, and may the Lord hold you in His arms as we journey, by God's grace, to that promised land when there where there will be no more tears or sorrow.

Loves,
Your Dad

Josiah is 5 !!

Josiah is 5

Happy Birthday Josiah, WOW, a whole hand
Your growing up, before you know it, a young man

I love our sweet times on the edge of my bed
Each morning a hug, no words have to be said

A party, family, cake and balloons will surround
I think Joel will get the best..... a crown

You can do so much at five years of age
Climb trees, ride sheep and bikes, you are so brave

Toys, a BB gun and a Bible for you
Our prayer that soon, a heart made new

"Jehovah heals" is the meaning of your name
Go Forth!! tell the Good News, Jesus proclaim

As birthdays come and go, always Joel's twin
Your lives bound together, beginning to end

I love you so much, a blessing you are
Joel and Josiah, so dear to my heart!

We had a great time celebrating Josiah's 5th birthday and remembering our sweet Joel! Josiah opened a gift that I got for Joel, it was in the picture above, one of the Willow Tree keepsakes, it is a little boy holding a balloon that says "Birthday Boy." Josiah requested our all time birthday meal....hamburgers, hot dogs, chips. He wanted cup cakes and sugar cookies, so Anna took care of all that. We found a cookie cutter that was a hand since he is a whole hand old!! Jeremiah, Hosanna, Josiah and Mercy each had 5 balloons that they sent up to Joel....once again like last years picture sending the balloons up, Josiah looks on with wonder and curiosity!!

Thank you Lord for Joel and Josiah, what a blessing you are to us!!!!!

Your mommy

Happy Birth Day Joel !!

(Joel's 3rd birthday, his last.)

Happy Birth Day Joel!!! I remember the day so clear. Calling the midwife, getting everyone over to the neighbors, laboring in our home with three midwives, your dad being strength to me when I felt I could not go on. Finally you arrived, safe and so perfect. The midwife placed you in my arms and I did not want to let you go but I had to prepare for your brother to join us. And then the moment you met your 10 brothers and sisters, even two babies were not enough to pass around to all the hearts that wanted to love on you! The Lord gave incredible grace that day! We praise Him for the journey of a twin pregnancy and the wonderful home birth. The days following were so joyous, taking care of you, bathing you, little outfits alike, yet you two were a lot of work. You were so loved that you wanted people to hold you all the time, like even in the night, but we had a crew to help! So many mornings after we got you dressed up, we would lay you side by side and snap the pictures! Looking at you both, I would marvel that the Lord allowed us to experience this again after 16 years! A weeks rolled into months, all the "firsts" were so fun! Two of everything again!! You filled our hearts and home with laughs, memories and joys that are unforgettable! Your 1st, 2nd and 3rd Birthdays went by so quickly. As I look back at family pictures and see that I am the one holding you in most of those pictures, I like to think that the Lord planned it that way, just to get an extra hug, an extra feel of your warm little body pressed against my heart, because it was not going to be that way for long. This will be the second birthday that Josiah has so bravely celebrated without your being by his side at the table. He talks about you still, he especially remembers how you always had to sit in the front of the bath where the water was to come out! I am glad he was willing to do that and let you have your way, I hope that will be a special little memory of his sacrificial love to you! There are so many memories with you, your pudgy cheeks, your little rough hands that always seemed like they needed lotion, your wispy hair, and that "Balley smile" that captured our hearts, they are treasures to my heart. I will keep them before my mind and heart until I see you again! I do not know how you celebrate birthday's in the City of the Great King, maybe you get balloons and get to walk down the beautiful streets, or have a picnic under the Tree of Life, or maybe little boys get to go fishing in the river that flows from the Throne of God, maybe you get to see all about your birth. However it is I am believing that its a perfect celebration and your having pleasures that far exceed what we will be doing here for your brother, "Siah." Words can not contain the pain or the ways that I miss you and how much I love you still. Have a Happy Birth Day!!

Always your mommy!!!

These scriptures in Ps. 102 express Joel's journey.......

This shall be written for the generation to come: and the people which shall be created shall praise the Lord. For he hath looked down from the height of his sanctuary; from heaven did the LORD behold the earth; To hear the groaning of the prisoner; to loose those that are appointed to death; To declare the name of the LORD in Zion and his praise in Jerusalem; When the people are gathered together, and the kingdoms, to serve the LORD. He weakened my strength in the way; he shortened my days. I said, O my God, take me not away in the midst of my days: thy years are throughout all generations. Of old hast thou laid the foundation of the earth: and the heavens are the work of thy hands. They shall perish, but though shalt endure: yea, all of them shall wax old like a garment; as a vesture shalt thou change them, and they shall be changed. But thou art the same, and thy years have no end. The children of thy servants shall continue, and their seed shall be established before thee.