Monday, May 3, 2010

blessed by a scripture this morning .....

We got a busy week ahead, as always! Some friends are coming for a visit on Tuesday to check out and investigate Mr. Morris' garden, grocery week, and Bethany has a her first Nubian/ Dairy show this weekend and it will be an out of town/hotel and all that stuff ! She is ever busy clipping and getting 9 goats ready to show! She is very dedicated to our farm, her goats and giving her very best to this endeavor and it keeps her busy! Anna will be going to the goat show as well. She has a big opportunity to do some photography work . They needed a photographer to take pictures of the winners from each class and there is 80 classes. It will be a paying job so she is very excited about that and surely goats will not be difficult customers ! ")

Getting a bit of school done, laundry and thinking I might grill up some burgers tonight before volley-ball in the gym night.

There are a many things/character a family our size will always need work on. We are imperfect people living amongst imperfect siblings/parents. There are many things I desire for our children, as you would likely share many or most of the same desires. One is that our children would dwell together in unity. Now they don't have knock down drag-outs by any means and many times it has to do with opinions and preferences which is all ok, we are each our own in what we like and dislike and of course keeping all those choices in line with scripture. Sometimes there are discussions or perhaps misunderstandings that just need calm talking about instead of "I am going to have the last word," or it would be a good idea if you just be quiet and not pursue that conversation. I am grateful for something that does exists amongst our children and that is they do try/seek to make restitution maybe not as quickly as I would like but at least they do seek it. We have several "leaders" in our home and that is so exciting, we just need to always lead toward godliness, edification, and to build each other up. Ok, that was class 101 for the older ones!!!

There are a few readers here that I know their personal stories of having a toddler/small child die. They are the only ones that could possibly relate to the statement we have heard so many times in this grieving journey. People throw it out to help I know, give comfort, but it is a statement that I can not stand to hear, a statement of "why would you say that if you have not experienced it," its a statement I want to scream and say, not out of anger but its just not true! Its the statement of " time heals." I want to say emphatically even after 3 years, it is not true. My heart aches, hurts and tears fall everyday! I read a verse this morning that every person needs to tuck away in their minds and heart and use accordingly instead of saying "time heals." God will heal but it will be in eternity, right now its grace. Ok, here it is, Job 12:12, With the ancient is wisdom; and in length of days understanding. In the length of days or time that has passed since Joel went to Jesus, I have not been healed but what has happened is profound to my heart. I have no idea or understand the "whys" of it all but in the length of days that has gone by I am growing in understanding, not of why but of Who! I am growing in "understanding" of a Great God that I knew very little of, the time or length of days is giving me understanding in the God of Creation that holds every breath we take and sets every bound around about us and we will not exceed those bounds by a second. I am gaining more understanding of what its like to "see" what I can not see right now, I am growing in understanding that God's works are all done out of love, justness and his plans are all wise and that the integrity of His heart can be trusted. The length of days are not bringing a healing to my broken heart but the length of days is feeding my dusty heart. So much more there as I meditate upon that verse, it felt so good to find a way to describe other than the "time heals" phrase, that is so weak and trite, but length of days as we apply ourselves to His word will give us an understanding of the One that has called our little ones to Himself at such a young age! May you grow in understanding as the length of days continue until we hold them again.

Its beautiful, hot weather today, I just love it!!! Getting some sun outside! We finally got the drywall up and the room cleaned for church on Sunday. We still have to do another round of tape and bed and sand. There is drywall dust that I cannot get out of here. Next phase will be the can lights in place and then the wood ceiling and then texture but not where the cabinets will go and after that it will be the most expensive stuff, getting cabinets, counter top, double oven and flooring. That phase could be way down the road but progress is progress. I am grateful for hard working sons and husband that want to do the work as the Lord provides resources.

Blessings on this Monday to you!


Karen said...

Love! Love! This post. Time does not heal, but God does and I am convinced that that won't entirely happen until eternity. I keep thinking when does my heart stop being so tender? When will the tears stop coming forth so suddenly and sometimes without warning? I am so much further down this grief journey and know that God heals...but I am thinking that it will not be complete until I see Him face to face. And I am realizing that through this suffering I seek Him more, so maybe it is good that I stay tender. Oh, I don't know, some days grieving wears me out=)...

Thank you for commenting today. I pop here a lot, but don't always get to comment. You will always be special to of the first to reach out and minister to my hearting heart. I will always have a tender place in my tender heart for you and Joel!

Sun-Kissed Scholars said...

I have not lost a toddler/ small child, and I know that I can't possibly understand that pain. But I have had 7 miscarriages, and I know that time does not heal that pain. This is one of the "tamer" statements that people have sad, in their attempt to comfort me during times of mourning.
Like you said, I am growing in an understanding of how Great our God is.
You and your family are a living testimony.

I hope the show goes splendidly for both of your daughters!

Gae said...

I am visiting for the first time and have spent some time looking back on your blog.
Even as the Mummy of 11 children I cannot imagine the pain you have gone through/and now.
It must have been and still be difficult not to look for the missing child in your family culture. Afterall once we welcome a child into our family it is like that child has always been a part of our lives(even before they are born).
I have no words to share on this except how much I was thankful and was encouraged by your blog posts.
Thank you