Thursday, October 1, 2009


October 8, 2006
(taken with an old camera)

I do not think I will ever come to the month of October and not remember and think about how this was the "beginning," but we did not even know at the time, just some fevers......who would have thought what lay ahead. When I remember these next four months, I think like this, October/fevers, Nov/ leg hurts, Dr. visits, Dec/ cancer diagnoses, Jan/death. Whoever thought or came up with the phrase, "time heals," must have ONLY been a by-stander of facing death, not a participant, I miss Joel more now it seems. As I see Josiah "loving life" and all that his little life embraces, I miss it everyday for Joel. To this day, I can not answer "why's, why us?" But what I seek to do each day is trust, trust the One that created Joel, trust the One that is all wise, trust the One that gives a hope that I will see my little boy again one day. In the meantime, I still cry, I still wish, I run my fingers over the things he left behind and say to myself, he really was here and he really did wear this or play with that, I love him still!!!

Today, people are scattered in all places. Caleb, Daniel, Elijah and Micah are working/framing a house. Bethany, Terry, Andrew and Anna went to the Tulsa State fair/Nubian goat show and they will not be back until Friday evening late! I am here with the 5 littles!! We are going to accomplish school today, but maybe not this morning. Maybe we'll make some "Fall Cookies" today! Working on my salsa too. Terry picked green beans again this morning!

Not much else.......

Little Boy In Time

The days are continuing on....

People are born, a little boy is gone

Time gives no thought

To the aching heart death has brought

Laughing, talking, on paths people go
Some sharing truth, sin others sow

O, please time, won't you stand still for me

But it goes on, my Joel will not come back and be

In days and years that go fleeting
A little boy they will not remember meeting

My heart wants all those here and there
Forget not a little boy, but time isn't fair

My little boy has lived his time in history
The Father's will, a mystery

They will not know my little boy lived and died
Except, a glimpse, for tears I can not hide

Maybe someday far away or near
The family in eternity will remember a little boy so dear

But now.... as I see the people in a mass

They remember not a little boy in my past

If I look in others eyes as I go
They too, have stories to be told

Goodbyes were said, and deaths they faced
But my little boy they cannot place

Comfort I must take, as others will never know
My Father knew of him, my little boy he holds!!

I Love You, Joel


Leanne said...


I could identify with you when you said you missed him more today. After 5 years, I miss Jane this year just as much as the first year, after having years of being okay.

Thanks for sharing Joel.

Mountain Mama said...

I am praying for you, friend. Especially for these next 5 months. I pray that the pain and sadness will turn into praise and seeking Him.

How about I bring some of my littles. Your littles and my littles can play while we work on salsa (or drink hot tea :)).

Anonymous said...

What a sweet picture of Joel, I don't remember ever seeing it before...