Friday, July 3, 2009

Just thinking.....

July 2006

Its just the way I think, and probably tooooo much in this way but today is July 3rd and it would be Joel's January 3rd, the day/evening he had the seizure that separated our communication with him. The tender part of thinking about this date has to do with Mercy. She is 3. On July 29th, she will be 3 years, 4 months and10 days. So her age and how I am looking at the dates is hitting a very tender part of my heart. I look at her and it is hard to believe that Joel went through what he did at her age. So small, so needy still. Sometimes it is hard to comprehend we walked through this. It's unusual that today being the 3rd and how it falls in number with her turning the 3 years, 4 months and 10 days this month and to think for a moment that we only had 20 days left with Joel and to think of Mercy, it brings deep feelings, I can not even describe it. I do not know if this thought, the dates and all make sense as to what I am trying to say and likely I would not be thinking this if we did not have a 3 year old turning the age that we had Joel with us. I guess I am just comparing all I can remember with Joel, how little he was. I have been reading in the book of Acts lately and when I read this particular verse this morning and as I thought about all these days and dates that cause my mind to think tooooo much, I was blessed again with the BIG thought that God is orchestrating every day.

And we sailed thence, and came the next day over against Chios; and
the next day we arrived at Samos, and
tarried at Trogyllium; and the next
day we came to Miletus
Acts 20:15

Since Joel's homegoing, the "next day" just keeps coming. I look back and wonder at it all, how you get through stuff like this and it is plain and His grace and on our part we embrace the grace, the truths in scripture that God is Sovereign, and also alot of tears. He has been faithful with each "next day." I saw this scripture in that Paul's plans and life was ordered of the Lord and as the Lord took him to the different places Paul had a fortitiude of heart to "go bound in the spirit unto Jerusalem not knowing the things that shall be befall him there." (Acts 20:22) Before all this with Joel, I can not say I had that feverancy, now, its by far greater than it was. In the verse it says Paul, sailed arrived and tarried. We sail in this journey of life, I am not talking of sailing like a breeze through it, I am talking of sailing sometimes upon stormy waters, sometimes its smooth. We arrive at little places along the way such as trials and we tarry there a bit until the trial passes and we can not fool ourselves, there can and could be more to come. Hopefully after each trial we arrive and come forth with a greater faith and trust and on we go almost reapeating the process until we can use those three terms in speaking of eternity, we sailed through the journey of life, we tarried on the earth a bit and then we arrived in heaven and as Paul says we finished our course. One thing for sure, He has each of our "next days" planned and purposed and as it says in Acts 17:26, .....and hath determined the times before appointed, and the bounds of their habitation. Joel did not exceed the purposed days of 3 yrs. 4 mths and 10 days.

Well, the grandparents are here. We filled them up last night with a bunch of garden food, potaotes, squash, green beans, corn on the cob, onions, tomatoes. I think they enjoyed it. You know what tonight will be......Pizza night with Nana and Pop! and Blue Bell ice-cream!!! The guys are working and then tomorrow farmer"s market ( I think, I have not talked to Terry yet about that) and then in the afternoon is the big 4th party!!

Today is my dad's birthday!!! What a wonderful dad and grandfather he is!!! Happy Birthday, "Paps" we love you!!!!

Time for lunch. I think we have a few leftovers and I'll finish my avocodo that I ate for breakfast and maybe some tomatoes...yummy!!!

Have a great 4th!!


-stephanie- said...

What a sweet sweet boy. It breaks my heart knowing that you even have to think of numbers in such a sad way.

Enjoy your party. I feel our independence is wearing thin these days. Come Lord Jesus come.

Emma and Mommy said...

It breaks my heart too that you look at numbers like you do. I would do the same. I like to think of the new numbers awaiting you in the future.

The days since your first child married, the days since your first grandchild. You past may have some really sad numbers, and days but I know God has a wonderful set of numbers for your future

Teena said...

I think in some way this brings us comfort or maybe closer to the one we are missing... Joel. As for me it is my Dad. I know this can in no way compare to losing a child... my dad lived a long life... but I find myself counting days. July is a bittersweet month. My Dad's birthday on the 8th... (the day he went into the hospital) and then he died on the 14th (the day my youngest turned 4... Wes will be 6 on the 14th)... and my dad was a WWII veteran. I find myself counting the days..... so I kinda understand counting the days. Even with his age.. he was 83.. he would be 85 this coming Wed... I miss him. My online friend Loni shared that after her son Matthew died (@ 16yr old) his favorite thing was cheesecake. So each time they eat cheesecake they remember Matthew. We do this with fruitcake... cause it was my Dad's favorite. With other things too.

We are having a 4th party. Just us but fireworks tonight, burgers, potato salad, fries, corn on the cob and firwork cupcakes & CHEESECAKE.

I continue to pray for you Cindy, remembering Joel... and peeking into your lives. Your testimony speaks to my heart.


Chad and Jessica's Family said...

Cindy- Every time you share your heart about Joel, I hurt for you. I think the Lord put you in my life(even through a blog) for a reason, whichI am not sure of but my heart is so attatched to your "journey" I am sorry for all the tormenting thoughts you must bare and all the tears that pour out.....soon and very soon we are going to see the Lord and there a sweet adorable boy will be by His side. On a lighter note.... that picture of Joel is so cute.... he sure reminds me of my Caleb.