Thursday, January 24, 2008
Happy 6th Birthday to Hosanna !
A "Rainbow Promise Party" was Hosanna's theme. We celebrated her 6th birthday and Joel's Happy Heaven Day thinking about God's promises to us. His promise that He will never leave us nor forsake us, His promise to deliver sinners from sin to those who call upon Him in faith, His promise of eternal life and to spend eternity with very special people that we miss. Hosanna's day started out with.....you know... DONUTS!!!!! Terry and the boys started work a little later so we could have her party in the morning. She opened her presents and was delighted to receive Playmobils, beads to make wonderful necklaces and braclets, a book, a bike (which I shouted through the house....."can you please not run over this one!") I also got Hosanna a special gift that had heart meaning to share with her, I found a "real braclet her size that had pretty blue beads on it with two silver beads that said "faith" and on the other one " love." I told her this was a braclet that was to help her remember her sweet brother Joel, and that the love bead would help her to know that God loves her and her family too, and the faith bead was to remind her that we are praying for her to put her faith in Jesus soon in her life, and that with faith and hope in the Lord to see Balley again. I also found a little 'Willow Tree' figurine of a little girl holding a balloon that said Birthday Girl. (I have started collecting these for special occasions as many were given in memory of Joel. I decided too, that on the day of Joel's going to be with the Lord I wanted to get something each year in memory of him, so I found a little boy 'Willow Tree' that is holding a balloon and it says "Hope." I let Josiah open that for Joel. I was so happy in my heart to find this as it reminds of what I have to look forward to with Joel. The morning went well as we celebrated with Hosanna. She and Josiah were occupied enjoying all the new gifts. In the evening after the guys got home we had her birthday meal of....GRILLED HAMBURGERS!!!! You might wonder why we have these so much.... these are not your ordinary hamburgers! The reason these hamburgers are sooooo good is because Bethany makes homemade wheat buns and uses flour that we have ground ourself! The only way these will be better is when we get our own beef in a few weeks. Hosanna also requested chips and cokes, shhhhhhh, keep that one quiet!!!! I decided to read the poem I wrote to Joel, and it brought tears as we gathered around together before our meal. Hosanna really had a happy day and I just wanted to make up from last year as she didn't have a "real" party because we were at the hospital. As for all the decorations, Bethany and Danielle made the rainbow on Monday out of poster board, and with the addition of a few clouds and balloons, it was very easy to get into the party atmosphere!
I made it through the day with the great grace of the Lord and my secret bag of M&M's :) You all once again came to our hearts and home with phone calls, e-mails, cards, and comments that were so encouraging and full of compassion, and some very sweet people even sent some flowers! Thank you does not seem enough, but it is with a very grateful heart I say "thank you" for walking with us on this journey. I woke up in the morning with my adrenalin going, looking at the clock on and off, thinking "he only has this much time left before he would leave mortality and put on immortality, before he would fly away from us.....by the end of the day I was soooo tired, I guess emotionally it wore me out! There were alot of tears, wonderings, wishings, and trying to "rest" in the Lord's will, but it was and is so often very hard. I read what someone wrote on their blog about how the first year you feel numb, the second year is reality, and the third year is better. I did'nt like the looks of that....this first year has been ever so hard, I cannot imagine the second being worse....I think I am just going to try to get through each day and trust the Lord for that great grace, and maybe I will break the statistics!!!!
I have read some scriptures that have been helpful to my heart. Ps.84:11-12 ...the Lord will give grace and glory... blessed is the man that trusteth in thee. I like those words "will give" and I am going to ever be looking for that! In Ps.84:6, Who passing through the valley of Baca make it a well; the rain also filleth the pools. I reallly liked the word picture that I saw in this.... I was encouraged that we "pass through the valley," and in thinking about people in the Old Testament, families, individuals traveling place to place and they dug wells, and then they moved on yet the well was there for the next ones that might come on that same path. I was just thinking how we passed through that valley and dug our well, filled it with our tears and now we will move on, leaving it for those that will come behind us, hoping that our well, what we have beeen through, our tears, our hearts that now knows pain in suffering a death, that we can comfort, help cry with, feel their pain will be a blessing to others. I do not like to think others will hav to go through what we have, but people we know or do not know will possibley walk behind us as we have walked behind those that were ahead of usand they dug their wells and left them for our family. May our well of tears bring glory to God and be a comfort to others!
I read in Mark 6:45-54 a while back and was reminded of it these last few days.... Jesus saw the disciples toiling in rowing for the wind was contrary to them, and how Jesus came to them in the fourth watch of the night, then at the end of the section, it says they came out of the ship and "knew him." That really blessed me that yes Jesus was with us in the darkest of our night, in our toiling and when the wind and storm was so great, yet the time came when they got off the boat and they knew him. That is my prayer, that I will know him more, understand him more. It seems like a big plan and me with such little faith.....but may it be so. Sometimes God's school of faith just seems too hard and I go 7 steps forward only to find I also go 10 back. One step, then another, then another and on and on, I think the key is just making sure I keep moving forward.
As I faced the day yesterday, I was asking God to do something special, I just needed something. I do not know if I was thinking something was suppose to happen big at around 4:30 or what, but at the end of the day I found myself somewhat disappointed. I finally started really thinking of all the "things" the Lord did do....of course all the people that shared in our day as I mentioned above, then I was wanting Josiah not to be sick on this day, as he did not feel good the day before, how the Lord has given a great comfort with the two dates of Joel's birthday and his date of death, He has blessed us with Josiah on the birthday date and it really is a comfort to have Hosanna's birthday on the day he died. The other blessing for me was, Terry and the boys usually do not get home early and they were not planning it, but they arrived around 4:20, I was blessed that we were all here together as we were all together at that time last year. So the Lord is so very compassionate.
We made it and it does seem like a load being lifted. I kind of feel like "what now?" I still feel physically tired, so maybe I just need to get rested up and then figure that question out later. I want you to truly know that you all have blessed me and have been such a source or strength!
Did you notice I typed all this in a rainbow? For the parties sake:) May the Lord send his Rainbow Promises into your heart today!!!!!