Pizza and Memories.....

Pizza tonight.....homemade sauce and crust = yum!!! I made a vegetable one along with pepperoni. We did use our garden onions on it and hopefully we'll have our own zucchini and tomatoes before too long. Most every time I stand at the kitchen bar and make pizza, I always think of Joel. After diagnosis and after coming home from the hospital, he ate very little and only had an appetite for certain things and pizza was one. I would have cooked the moon if he had wanted it and I remember fixing him things way late in the evenings.....a mother will do anything for her little one. So tonight as I fixed pizza, I have happy memories of him sitting up there and watching me. There are memories in every corner and on every path on this little farm with Joel!!! Ok....back to the pizza, Anna's sauce is here and when I use it on pizza, I do not cook it for the time mentioned on the recipe. We just mix all the ingredients and spread it on the crust. Also tonight I did not add hambuger meat to the sauce.

Classic Pizza Dough (makes 2 pizzas, (we 4 times this:)

1 1/2 cups warm water
2 1/2 tsp of yeast
2 tsp sugar
1 1/2 tsp. salt
2 tbl olive oil
3-4 cups flour, (your choice)

Dissolve yeast in arm water in mixing bowl, or Bosch. add oil, sugar and 1 cup flour, mix 30 seconds and let stand 5-8 minutes. Next add salt and start adding flour slowley to make a soft dough. Knead 10 minutes and then allow dough to rise until doubled, about 20-30 minutes. Spread oil on surface and divide dough in to two portions. Roll out and spread on pan. (I pre-cooked the crusts about 15 min and then added sauce and toppings, hoping for a crunchier crust) heat in oven until cheese is melted and toppings heated through and lightly browned.

Yikes !!!!

**** Terry looked at it and he thinks it was not a copper head....a snake is a snake... but glad it was not***


Remember yesterday I said was planting flowers around the Bistro Patio, right by our driveway, just having a lovely time and even enjoyed sitting there late last night and this morning.......well, I did not know I had a "visitor!!" LOOK at this.....it was right there in the flower bed......a copper head and a BIG one!!! This is the biggest copper head we've killed!! Brings back memories of about 11 years ago and I got bit by a copper head on the ankle, not good!! and I had just found out I was pregnant with Josh!! Anyway, this one is history now, the dogs were going crazy and we went out to see and they had it striking at them!!! Andrew took care of it with a new pistol!!!

Until......

Mercy and I are at the swing this evening and this is how our conversation went.............

Mercy- " Balley loves to swing."
Me- " oh, he sure did love to swing."
Mercy- "mommy misses him."
Me- "I miss him soooo much."
Mercy- "do you want him here?"
Me- " I wish he was here with us."
Mercy- "I was a baby, he kissed me."
Me- "you were a little baby and he loved to hold you."
Me- "Balley had cancer and he died."
Mercy- "he did not die."
Me - "what happen to him?"
Mercy- "he's at his house."
Me- "where is his house?"
Mercy- "in heaven."

She brings him up in conversation often all by herself. It cheers my heart to talk about Joel, even with a 3 year old little girl whom I wished new him and could enjoy the fun times here on the farm. I fight my flesh so often in thoughts, "this is not fair, this should not be," and so much more. Sometimes I find myself thinking things, like cliche's that I really would not say out loud yet my heart seems to be screaming it. I want to say sometimes and maybe re-phrase a bit what Martha said as Jesus was getting ready to remove the stone at Lazarus' grave. She said, "he stinketh." I want to say "this stinks." I read a testimony of a lady who's son died at age 9, and here 31 years later she is still having "hard days." There is no way around this, there is no other route but to keep walking through and keep seeking grace, mercy and enjoy what he hath done. I read a verse in Song of Solomon 2:17, Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn my beloved..... I have to live in the now but I look and wait for the "until." One day, the day will break and the shadows (of death that lurk at my heels) will flee away. We went and "decorated" his little grave this evening.......I wish it was not so, I want to be decorating his cake, smoothing his little yellow hair to the side......I will keep keeping on, by HIS grace!!

Big news for Anna. She passed her road test today!! We now have 7 drivers now!!! Its nice to have others run errands. Kate came over and we went in their little car. We have soo much that does NOT work on the van, it would not pass the test!! On the way home we stopped in Lowes and I got a few more flowers for our bistro patio I am working on. I just love sitting out there!! And thanks to a dear friend in Bulgaria, who had a part in making my little sitting place so lovely!!

The guys are soon to arrive, they had a late night of work but at least they are pretty close and we can get back to our nightly routines.

I have to end with a "happy story" since I started with a more somber one. I was in the bathroom a few nights ago brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed and Mercy is waiting outside the door and just talking and jabbering. She says to me," I love you really, really LOUD!!!" How can they come up with such beautiful sayings and they grab your heart. I will never forget what Joel said one evening as I sat at the computer after we had our first round of chemo, he came up and hopped on a stool beside me, threw his arms around my neck, snuggled in real close and said, "your so cute!!" I love him still!!!

The guys have arrived......they are hungry as bears.....Anna made dessert....they will love it!!!!

See what we have been up to......

I guess to find out what we have been doing, here's a few pictures to show ya! Pickin' strawberries and eatin' em, picking sugar snap peas and doing the same....eatin' em, David and Kate came over Sunday eve and we went "a fishin," (David's first fresh water fish to catch) sowing seeds in the pasture, (remember Elijah's seed drill he found, he got it working) and look at Josiah, he thinks its summer with no shirt, white belly!!! and then on another day, David gave the little ones a thrill when HE wanted to play Playmobiles with them!!!!!

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Got er' Done!!!!

We got er' done!!! I guess if you have a "weak" stomach, some of these could be too much for ya!! We had David and Kate, our neighbors helping, along with most of the Young family and some of the Southerland family. It all went well. If you want to know step by step here is the info, first you put the chicken in the killing cone and do the job!! Then we hang them up and let the blood drain out, next we spray them off and then take them and dunk them up and down for one minute in 148* water , then they are held on the plucker and then go over to the table and that's where you pull the head off and gut them. After that we put them in the water vats so they do not get rigor mortis for about 20 minutes and the little children pull off any tiny feathers left and clean them up. Lastly I take them inside, scrub the inside out and Anna weighs them, and packages them and they are ready for the freezer!! We sell them for $3.30 a pound, so they were running between $16- $19 per whole chicken. These chickens verses the ones last fall are really nice, good weight and big breasts. Another endeavor accomplished and we are thankful for His goodness upon it even in the dissapoinment of loosing so many!!