Privelege Agony......

I have two words that describe perfectly this trail......." Privilege Agony." It encompasses both aspects of what I feel. Yes there are so many privileges, I am privileged to be Joel's mommy, to have him here with us 3 years, 4 months and 10 days, I am privileged to have had a wonderful preg and home birth, to have so many sweet memories of him as he enjoyed his family and farm, but also I am privileged to be able to give back my "alabaster box," that which is so precious, to the One who is worthy. The agonies still exist, the tears, the pain in my heart of missing him, of everyday when I see Josiah doing this or that, knowing Joel would be right there doing it too! Thank you Lord for the priveleges and have mercy upon the agony.

Mercy's 3rd birthday is next week, the 19th and Andrew's 13th birthday is on the 21st. I do have some ideas so that is a relief. Somewhere amidst 13 childrens birthdays you have to overlap on ideas and I am going to borrow from Joel and Josiah's first birthday for Mercy....A "Farm Baby Party!" Since we are getting our chicks this week and suppose to have baby goats in a few days and it just seems like a Mercy party, we'll go with it!! I have to tell you I have so many thoughts and feelings as she gets closer to her 3rd BD, Lord willing. I am ever so thrilled and thankful to get to do a 3 year old again, I think the age 3 is my favorite, I love the ability they have to communicate and still the needing of mommy! I love the personality and expressions that come with the talk and telling of play and adventures they have, I love the way they can now communicate love to others. Mercy was laying in the bed with me the other night and I told her "I loved her sooo much," I was trying to communicate to her "how much," and so she did the same with me, her biggness of expression of love was, " I love you 2 1/2!!!" I feel so blessed to be able to hold and touch a 3 year old again, it will bring sweet and tender memories of a three year old litle boy. I am having such vivid memories of Joel and Josiah's 3rd birthday, it was so perfect, we were a big happy family,( still are) Joel, so happy and healthy, not a trace of anything, to think in about 3 weeks after his birthday the unknown fevers began and then all that came after. Life can change in a matter of seconds. I am just "feeling" the 3rd year of Joel through Mercy's approaching birthday and its a happy and sad feeling. Always needing His grace in the joys and in the sorrow.

It's late/early isn't it? I got up to check the weather and make sure it was just thundertorms and not tornadoes!!

New Bull !!!!

Today was the BIG BULL SALE!!! The Express Ranch had 500 of these guys to sell today. The first bull they sold was over $100,000, and that was only half possession as they call it, we let the other rancher have that one........heheheh, that's a BIG joke!!!! They had several of these kind, some more of their Champion ones went for $65,000, $50,000. Many went for $10,000-$20,000 and then they started getting them down to the $3000 range and under. Elijah got him a good one I think, it will make some calves anyway and thats what we want!!!! It was a fun day, a beautiful day for the little ones to get out and run around when they got tired of sitting. Hosie said, "why dosen't that man just talk normal so we can understand him," speaking about the auctioner!!!! This Express Ranch operation is a major deal. Anna got her heifer there last year and we like the livestock they produce, but we are just "peons" compared to the "big wig ranchers" that were there from all over. I'll have to post a picture of the new guy later.....he is wwwwiiiilllllddddd in the trailer!!!!!!!!

Now gotta go figure out what to feed these hungry rustlers!!!!

Thorns and Brambles.....

I have often thought of having an invited writer, one who "knows" us and would "tell it like it is," give you the real scoop, but I doubt they would, they would likely tell you nice things and such. I sometimes tremble as I write here to the sometimes 3,ooo, (sometimes less) that look and read into our lives each week, but I really get wobbly knees as I think about the 13 people that really know me and read this (ones who can read it) because its would seem easier to write and let you all read the goody stuff compared to writing here and then allowing what I write to be what I live and my own family either say its true by His grace or they chuckle and sneer under their breath! I have 26 eyeballs on me and somedays they still see a lot of "thorns and brambles." I am just as you, a sinner saved by grace seeking to live each day in and by His grace and sometimes I squelch the "grace." This morning I read several verses that convicted my heart, especially of a particular little situation that happened yesterday. Anna had a beautiful idea of being generous and she mentioned it to me and I just gave all kinds of excuses of why not to do it. I felt justified in my "mommy answer." This morning I read in Luke 6:44, For every tree is known by his own fruit. For of thorns men do not gather figs, nor of a bramble bush gather they grapes. (45) A good man out of good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for out of the abundance of the heart the his mouth speaketh. You see I saw this morning that I have a lot of thorns and brambles in my heart because I did not let the abundance of figs and grapes flow generously to this idea that Anna had. It showed me that I spoke and responded with a heart that is not generous and giving and how I need more of Him and less of me so that my response will be, "that is such a thoughtful idea and sure lets do that." I need for the thorns and bramble to be replaced with rich flowing fruit dripping with His grace to do the things that please Him and my heart needs treasures that come from Him that I might have the abundance to be generous to others as He has been to me! Lord, I need YOU, I want to be real to my family and live a life that is true to the words I write and then as you allow to be a light to those beyond my walls here!!

Cleaning day here.....how does it get so dirty???? The guys are out doing some work, payed work, which is good!! Not much else here. Doing all the daily things, laundry, some school, fix dinner, and of course play!!!

Thanks for knowing I still need Him as desperatley as YOU!!

Guess Who?????/

Guess who said this.......Whereby shall I know this? For I am an old man, and my wife well stricken in years. And this one...... How shall this be, seeing I know not a man? I know you likely got the answers right.......Zacharias and then Mary, the mother of Jesus. I thought it was so interesting that just as we often respond after we might have been given a task from the Lord, or maybe He wants us to do something or maybe there is something we are facing that is very difficult, challenging, or maybe we have a great need, or maybe we have a great desire and we, like these two folks question "how" can this impossible situation possibly be or work out or come to pass or be answered? Mary and Zacharias really responded no differently than ordinary people like us, they could not initially see how it could be. They used their own reasoning's to try to figure out how an extraordinary thing was going to take place. We sometimes use excuses of "how can I do this?" or "will God come through?" or any number of things we have slipped in for an answer and to not comply and just believe and trust and wait and pray! I know for me, there seems like a mountain of "impossibilities." How can it all work out, where will the finances come from, when will it happen and many more questions with the childrens futures and their mates for life and their ground being prepared and supporting their families. But on down in that chapter of Luke is the answer to all of our delima's, Luke 1:37, For with God nothing shall be impossible. The key is, "with God." I was encouraged as these two people, Mary and Zacharias faced an impossiblity in their eyes but the Lord brought it to pass and they were just ordianary folks like me and you!! Let's be encouraged in each of our situations......with God it is possible, according to His will :)

Ever busy around here, The guys are here this week, first time this year they have had a week with no work. Next week they have work and there are bids out, just waiting for confirmation on those or not. They have been busy with other things, Terry is working on taxes, ugh!!! Caleb and Daniel have been doing some music stuff and today they are helping a friend work on his house here in the area. David and Kate came for dinner last night and of course that is always an adventure. You see, we have "two" areas that we try to outdo each other in, the first is, pulling off an adventure, and the other one is for me and Terry only, seeing who can kiss their wife the most!! Of course Terry and I are WAY ahead of them by about 22 years but they are sure getting with the program!! I told them to come over for and "Adventure Meal!" The adventure idea is to do something that is unknown or try to anyway, so I cooked fish and stuff to go with it. When they got here I told them at one time it had been slimey and had big eyeballs.....they guessed and got it right.....fish!! They did pull off a little adventure in the house as they hid something and we had to try to find it and figure it out. It's crazy with them!!! Anna is fixing dinner tonight, her famous home made spagetti sauce and a new roll it looks like and I think she is doing a salad. Towards the end of the week Elijah and Anna are going to a HUGE Bull sale in the OKC area and the rest of us are going as well. It will be an all day affair. David and Kate are going with us too!!

Please keep the Lockwood family in your prayers as I have mentioned them here many times, Jaynee is now in the hospital for the duration of the pregnancy. She is 31 weeks and praying the little fellow can stay in a little longer and pray for a safe delivery via surgery for them.

Blessings to you all.....

Recipes

Here's the recipes as requested!

Crunchy Peanut Butter Bars

2 3/4 cups flour
1 1/4 cups packer brown sugar
1 egg
1 cup butter, softened (or 1/2 c. butter & 1/2 c. shortening-I always use butter though)
1/3 cups chunky peanut butter-I pile on a little extra :)
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon salt
TOPPING:
1 cup (6 ounces) semisweet chocolate chips, melted
1.2 cup chunky peanut butter
1 1/2 cups crushed cornflakes

In a large bowl, combine first eight ingredients (batter will be thick). Press into an ungreased 15-in. x 10-in. x 1-in. baking pan.
Bake at 350 degrees for 15-20 minutes or until set. Cool 5 minutes. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, combine chocolate chips and peanut butter; stir in cornflakes. Carefully spread on top. Cut into bars.
*I always double the topping, we like it thick. :)
*Most of the time, I use crisp rice cereal instead of the crushed cornflakes, I think the guys like it better that way, either way is good though. :)




Frozen Mocha Torte

1 1/4 cups chocolate wafer crumbs (I use cookies like oreo's)
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup butter, melted
1 package (8 oz.) cream cheese, softened
1 can (14 oz.) sweetened condensed milk
2/3 cup chocolate syrup
2 tablespoons instant coffee granules
1 tablespoons hot water
1 cup whipping cream, whipped
Chocolate-covered coffee beans, optional

Combine 1 cup wafer crumbs, sugar and butter. Press onto the bottom and 1" up the sides of a greased 9" spring-form pan; set aside. In a mixing bowl, beat cream cheese until smooth. Beat in condensed milk and chocolate syrup until smooth. Dissolve coffee granules in hot water; add to cream cheese mixture. Fold in whipped cream. Pour over the crust. Sprinkle with remaining crumbs.
Cover and freeze for 8 at least hours or overnight. when ready to serve, uncover and remove from freezer and garnish with coffee beans if desired.
Yield: 10-12 servings


And for the doughnut recipe, click here