Joel's Journey: hard.....

Friday, October 30, 2015

hard.....

Today is hard. Why? Because today, I picked up Joel's headstone for his grave. This shouldn't be happening! So much arises in my heart. Anger, sadness, heartbroken, it all will never ever escape my heart. I'm angry/so so sad that it took 8 1/2 freakin years to make this happen and not until I got a dang job. I don't care who says what, don't read any further if your judging. This is my blog and I can write what I want to. My heart is still broken that Joel died. I have yet to know why. I still have a hard time wondering where that scripture fits in "all things work together for our good." Christian people are humans with feelings and emotions and I think far to often other Christians think they shouldn't be angry or mad because it's not spiritual. There's hard days, there's days that I seem to accept and move on, but today is a hard day. I'm a mom, with a broken heart.

1 comment:

Karen Nilson said...: I've been in a hard place and I have tough questions, too. How I long to give you a hug...; November 5, 2015 at 11:00 AM

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Joel's Story

Joel, our 11th of 13 and a twin of Josiah, at age 3 was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma, a childhood cancer, on December 6th, 2006. Joel had three perfect years of health and he and Josiah celebrated their 3rd birthday Sept. 13th, 2006. The first of Oct. Joel started having unexplained fevers for a few days and would return to active play. After the fourth round of fevers we took him to our family Dr. which they said his iron was low, so we treated that for a few weeks and took him back only to have his hemo. showing lower than before. We were referred to a hematologists and saw him a few weeks with blood checks twice a week. At a visit on Dec. 4th we showed the Dr. the bumps, (which were tumors but we did not know at the time) on Joel's head and he was very concerned and we were told we needed to admit him immediately and start extensive tests the following day. Joel went through rigorous testing and then the dreaded results were given. Joel was at a stage IV the most extensive stage, but we were hopeful that the Lord would use the means of Chemotherapy treatments to restore Joel's body. Joel endured 8 1/2 days in the hospital, came home for Christmas, and returned for his second round of chemo Jan. 3, 2007. Joel had a seizure that night after midnight and went into a coma due to a tumor bleeding in his head area and causing his brain to swell. After tests the following days, the Dr. declared Joel "brain dead" and took us to court to force us to take Joel off life support, as we did not agree with the medical field's definition of death. Our family sought to stand with the scripture, "life is in the blood,"and until Joel's heart quit beating naturally, he was living. We were making arrangements to bring him home and on January 23, 2007 his little heart stopped beating and he went to be with the Lord Jesus in heaven. Our lives are changed forever. God is faithful in the midst of this trial and we look with great hope to be with him someday.