Wednesday, March 28, 2007

I will see you again...

I must confess that I have been drowning in the tormenters of the enemy to my mind. Today the Lord granted a feast at his table in his word that gave me truth to my heart. The mercy and truth is for today. I need your prayers that the Lord will help me to see these circumstances from his perspective as the days come and go. My emotions so much of the time out weigh my perspective and when that happens I feel the enemy bombarding my thoughts, bringing in turmoil to my heart, trying to reverse the wonderful memories of Joel and make me to have such a pity for Joel and all he went through which sends my emotions and thoughts to blame the Lord for causing all this. But alas, today I sense grace, peace and confidence in my Lord and my God ,as Thomas said in John 20:28. The first thing I read this morning was Ps. 138:7 Though I walk in the midst of trouble, thou wilt revive me, thou shalt stretch forth thine hand against the wrath of mine enemies and thy right hand shall save me. This is my prayer that God would revive my heart to his truth and I would believe him. That he would stretch forth his hand against these tormenters of my mind.

I have been reading in John as well and these scripures were a well spring to my heart. John 16:20-Verily I say unto you, that ye shall weep and lament but the world shall rejoice and ye shall be sorrowful, but your sorrow shall be turned to joy. Verse 22 says, And ye now therefore have sorrow but I will see you again and your heart shall rejoice and your joy no man taketh from you. In this the Lord spoke to my heart that Joel will see me again. Verse 33-These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world. It is in Jesus I will have peace, there is victory!

John 17:4 I have glorified thee on earth, I have finished the work which thou gavest me to do... like I said the tormenters to my mind tell me that Joel was short changed, that he is missing out, that Joel will not get to grow up and have a family, so this verse encouraged me that God had a work for Joel, he finished it and God will be glorified through it!

You know how we get love notes from our family and how that touches our heart, today I felt like God wrote me a special note as I read John 16:27," For the Father himself loveth you"! John 18:11 ...the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it? God is working and orchestrating his good pleasure to accomplish his will. I need to see and be thankful that I get to be apart of that and have a heart that says fill my cup with thy will not mine!

And lastly the sweet blessing of feasting this morning in his word was peace be unto you mentioned in John 20:19-26 three times. Jesus is telling me be at peace. My prayer is to not be faithless but believing (verse 27 as Jesus was telling Thomas).

The days are challenging, but today the Lord brought mercy and truth together to kiss my heart. I rejoice!

I still look for treasures and the Lord has opened his chest to cheer my heart over the last week. We have a large lilac bush that has produced leaves only,throughout the 12 years that we have lived here. The other evening we were out after supper and I smelled something sweet. I noticed that the lilac bush had about 6 or 7 blooms on it. I saw the Lord in this, a special treasure of "life". The lilac bush is located in a place where Joel, Josiah and Hosanna played often and the blooms were on that side, that was a special treasure to me!

Josiah was sitting in Anna's lap one evening and we were talking about Joel, he mentioned that he wanted Joel to come down and play with him. I said "he can't come down and play, he's in heaven." and Josiah simply questioned "are there not any doors up there?" Oh Lord give us faith as a little child!

Yesterday with the help of his sister Anna, Josiah brought me a tulip that they picked, he gave me a hug and said "I love you".These moments are so precious to me. Embrace them too, from your own household. Oh how the Lord daily loads us with benifits, may our hearts be set upon our great God!

Terry is still seeking to make right the death certificate and also will be trying to negotiate with the hospital concerning the medical bills. Please pray that the Lord will give help and favour and his provision.

Caleb and Daniel are working on the music composition for Joel's DVD, but we are experiencing technical difficulties with our computer. The Lord has worked it out to try a different computer to see if it will handle the program. Please pray this computer will run smoothly or that the Lord would give direction as to what to do if it does not. We have seen some of the incomplete parts of the documentary and our family is so very touched by John-Clays work. As the Lord brings it to your mind pray for John-Clay, Caleb and Daniel.

So many fo you we have not met, but we feel we know you, it's because of Jesus! Thank you for being a part of our lives, our heart and our tears!!!!!!!!
These pictures were taken last year at this time. The picnic was April 3, the striped shirts was March12, and the egg picture was March 4, 2006
Because He Lives I can face tomorrow.........

Monday, March 19, 2007

Happy Birthday Mercy!

Happy 1st Birthday to our precious little Mercy Faye Carolyn. Today March 19th at 10:06 a.m. after 17 hours of labor and the cord around her neck the Lord brought her safely to us. My normal labor time ranges around 6 hours so this labor was certainly unusual for me. The midwife thought the cord around her neck is what prolonged it. We have had such joy with this little girl this year.

The children arrived shortly after her birth from some friends house down the road. Hosanna was the first one to hold her. Joel was pushing his way through to see his new baby sister. With bright eyes and a cheerful smile he had his first hold too, of this sweet new treasure. Josiah didn't want to hold her at first he said "I'm scared." I think it was several days before Josiah held her with the help of his brother Daniel. To this day the children still have a race to Mercy's bed to see who will rescue her. The person that is blessed to get her first has to contend and fight off arms and hands trying to tug her away. She is "smothered" in love. As many of you know they like to come up with special names for each other. Mercy's names include, Misty, Musty, Little poor one, Merf, Musty Ray, Wyoming, and Warming. By the end of the day she will probably have some new birthday names!

13 blessings, what an honor and privledge the Lord has given Terry and I. May the Lord give great grace to nurture and admonish these arrows for his Kingdom. Mercy is going to have a "Happy Spring Party". We'll celebrate with cake, presents, and some spagetti for her birthday meal.

My heart is still ever so tender. I need God's grace to get through it, but I'll never get over it. So many times in my thoughts I feel like I'm living in two worlds- this world for now and yet my heart or a part of it is already in eternity. Heaven is for me such a real place now. Not that it wasn't before Joel went to be with Jesus, but now I find myself thinking... what is it like, what is Joel doing, who is he seeing, what is he experiencing?

My thoughts are filled with this "time last year." Going through all the "firsts" is with great pain to my heart. The first warm days--last year Joel and Josiah had a little picnic on our front porch. Thinking of all our family was doing last year, preparing for Mercy and then enjoying this new blessing together. Thinking that this very day last year Joel was here in our home. Oh the mercy of the Lord that we do not know what a day may bring forth. The warm spring days bring hope and a feeling of joy, yet it also causes me to think of Joel and Josiah playing together. A few evenings ago it was so nice outside. After supper our family went out to enjoy it. Some were playing and others were just walking around and looking. I found myself down at the driveway with a heart full of hurt as this was a special time in the evening for our family. Picturing in my mind how evenings have come and gone and we were all together, and yet now there were empty shoes that would not plod the cool evenings with us. The memories are still ever so tender and precious but with tears streaming! My plead of the Lord is grace and faith.

I had another sweet little conversation with Josiah the other night at bedtime. I was telling him about the special things I saved in a suit case under the bed that belonged to Joel and then we played a little game Joel liked to do. I would say "I love _________", and Joel would fill in the blanks with his Mommy, Daddy, and then go through each of his siblings names, I did this with Josiah and he said "I love Bally" then he said "I want my Bally to come play with me." I don't think Josiah can understand the permanant absence of Joel. He seems to be doing fine, although he does seem to be more "Mommy this and that" I enjoy the outward expressing of the need he has for me.

Sunday was an extra special Lords Day for our home church. Two other home church groups gathered at our home to worship with us. There were seven families represented and there are 52 blessings of fruitfulness the Lord has bestowed! May he raise up a host of godly young men and young ladies that will love Him and serve Him. May the Lord give great grace to all these fathers and their families to be strong and mighty for his glory. We had a wonderful time and alot of food!! The singing was so uplifting, the strength of so many voices singing hymns that brought glory to the Lord God Almighty! Once again my thoughts soared to eternity and I thought of the triumph of praise around the throne!

A busy week ahead with another birthday on Wednsday, Andrew will be 11 and he is getting a Boer goat. We will have a total of 17 goats. We have 6 does that are due soon. Busy days ahead!!

The DVD is in the making, John-Clay Burnett has videoed and is in the process of editing. Caleb and Daniel are waiting the arrival of some music software, so it will be a little longer. I know this will be a blessing to all of us!

Thank you for your continued prayers and encouraging words! May the Lord bless your household of faith!


Thursday, March 8, 2007

'Choose Life'

Last weekend the Morris' family loaded up and took a trip to Kansas. We do not travel very often, so it was quite an ordeal to get everything ready to go. My sister Tami lives up in Kansas City with her husband and two children. All of the cousins enjoyed getting together and playing on Uncle Jerry's property with his 4 wheeler and Kubota.

On the Lord's Day we attended their church and the children played several songs with their violins, trumpet and piano. The church allowed me to give a short testimony concerning Joel's Journey. The scripture that I shared at the beginning was from Deuteronomy, "I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life, that both thou and thy seed may live..."

With Joel we were trying to choose life. Being the eleventh of 13 children, we were choosing life. Being a twin was a double blessing. We believe that the scripture teaches that children are a blessing and that we should be willing to receive all of the children that he desires to give. We know that He opens the womb and He closes that womb. The more blessings that he gives, the better for us.

One gentleman in Kansas said to me, you are blessed beyond a billionaire. And he is right. With 9 sons and 4 daughters, I am blessed beyond a billionaire. With Joel, we chose life in his birth.

When faced with the decision to pull all life support and let Joel starve to death, we chose life rather than death. Another scripture that I shared in Kansas was when Jesus asked the Pharisees if he should save life, or kill on the sabbath. The obvious answer was that He should save life.

We sought to save life when we did all we could for Joel to live. And live he did until January 23. The doctors are saying that Joel died on January 5. Not so, not so. He lived and moved and did not die until around 4:30 on January 23. We are in a battle now to set the record straight on his death certificate. My state representative is reviewing the case. The doctor will not budge. According to the department of vital statisics only the doctor can amend the death certificate. However, Oklahoma statute calls for the certificate to be filed within 3 days of death. Obviously, the doctors did not do that.

Please pray for the Lord to open up a way to get this certificate changed to reflect the truth. I need wisdom on what to do next. I call heaven and earth to record against you this day, therefore choose life.....

Thursday, March 1, 2007

Treasures in the midst of darkness

I'm looking for treasures, treasures that the Lord brings and puts in my path. Like yesterday, it was so nice outside, Josiah wanted to swing. I pushed him and we talked about Joel. Josiah said "Joel cannot swing" I replied "no he lives in heaven with Jesus, he dosen't have cancer any more." Josiah said "he's not sick, he's happy!" Oh to have the faith of a little child! Josiah then got into the swing that seats two, it was so hard to see Josiah there and the empty seat beside him. This was one of Joel's greatest joys, swinging. Josiah remembered and said, "Joel sat right here." Josiah remembers me pushing them very hard and high and I would sing Jesus love me to them, loud of course since we were outside and in the country. Josiah said, "Bally would laugh." It was a moment of great pain yet joy as I had to smile with Josiah as he was laughing and having such fun! So that was a treasured moment. I need these treasures from the Lord. The pain is so deep!
By sight it all seems despairing, by faith there is hope.
By sight I cannot see the good, by faith I must know that it all works for good.
By sight I'm lonely, by faith I can be comforted.
By sight it seems like we're the loosers, by faith Jesus is the victor.
By sight it seems so long till I'll see Joel again, by faith "one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day." (II Pet. 3:8)
That would be my greatest need now, to have more faith.

Life is so busy around here, a new baby bull calf born on Monday (Elijahs). Awaiting possibly 6-8 baby goats in the next month or two. It's funny how Joel and Josiah were so different as farm opportunities came up. Joel really enjoyed "getting in to the farm," like helping feed the animals. Josiah is a little more timid. Joel had rather be "hands on" with any farm chore or work and Josiah likes to play more with toys outside. I think he's taking some training from Hosanna as they were making mud the other day! I guess Joel was demostrating a first born trait, a leader.

Oh another little treasure, the Lord brought to my mind on Sunday was the meaning of their names, Joel's name means Jehovah is God. To me that is saying God is in control, God was in control of Joel's precious life. Josiah's name means Jehovah heals. That brought comfort to my heart, the Lord has allowed Josiah to be here with us, to be a kind of healer to our hurting hearts.

I'm almost finished with Joel's photo album about his diagnoses and then his journey at the hospital in December and through January. I'm so thankful for all the pictures we have. Starting on the 4th of January we have pictures of most every day with him. I've found strength looking at these daily as I have been working on it. I'm not looking forward to finishing it, because my heart will know once again the reality of Joel not being here, the pictures have ended. Thats the hard part of the journey for us that are left, the ups and downs of the emotions, the strength you feel one moment and then the utter despair of falling on the ash heap again.

As for the family, time does not stop, the days are going on. School (trying), laundry, meals, chores, and work.

May the Lord give grace and bless each of your homes. We are grateful for your continued support of prayer and encouraging words!
The over-all and the stair pictures were taken October 8, and the pasture picture October 20.
Joel looks so healthy. It is still hard to think it all happened so quickly. These pictures are another little treasure. We just found the CD on Sunday. It was misplaced. I was so thankful that the Lord allowed us to find them.