If we know Christ as our Savior, we will have gardens, crosses and graves. These will all be avenues, paths, journeys with an ultimate desire and plan of the Father.....to be conformed to his image and for him to receive the glory in our lives. The lot is chosen by him, some will partake of the garden more than others, some will have heavier crosses and some will kneel on the soft ground of earth, the grave. For some we have experienced all three. When I think of the gardens, I am thinking of times of calmness, flourishing, maybe "smooth sailing," thinking of the crosses would be the every day things we face, health issues, concerns for the future, burdens, trials, persecutions etc. Graves would be those situations that bring a sorrow, deaths of loved ones, death of a vision, when all seems hopeless. As I read some scriptures this morning and found gardens, crosses and the graves, the Lord's presence was with each one, so whatever may befall, He is there!! The gardens... And the Lord God planted a garden eastward in Eden;and there he put the man whom he had formed. Gen.2:7 The crosses.... And as they led him away, they laid hold upon one Simon, a Cyrenian, coming out of the country, and on him they laid the cross, that he might bear it after Jesus. Luke 23:26 The graves... Jesus therefore again groaning in himself cometh to the grave. It was a cave, and a stone lay upon it. John 11:38. I guess I am so grateful as I continue on that the Lord continues to speak and give me manna for my spirit and heart that He is here in the midst. I love the gardens yet if I had to say where I have been changed the most, it is at the grave. Even now the crosses do not seem as heavy, somehow through the grave the earthly shackles are loosened and eternity holds so much more. I read one more this morning, John 20:16, Jesus saith unto her, Mary. She turned herself, and saith unto him, Rabboni; which is to say Master. I put my name in the place of Mary's, He is personal, to meet me where I am, it is by his grace that I can turn to him in this dark hour, and to be able to call him Master, I am saying yes to his will, I am picturing myself kneeling before him and saying it is right and good. Sure, we all enjoy the gardens and even some of the crosses are not too difficult, but for me the grave has wrought the most significant work in my heart, may we all be able to say "Master," and trust his plans......
What are we up to????? We had a great time with the grandparents and they are off! The guys are working near Tupelo, Ok this week. A Build Block house job which we are grateful for the work, but so far away!!! Trying to get a normal week going, school and all. Oh, and the Goat chops were great, I baked them most of the day with a lot of seasonings and later put BBQ sauce on them and Terry especially raved about them. Everyone really liked them. They do not have much meat so I had to cook sooooo many. We do not eat pork hardly, but if comparing, they would be similar to those I guess.
The Tulsa Fair was so huge.....one of Bethany's classes had 70 goats in it!! Micah and Elijah were showing two of our bucks in a class of 39, the new buck and one that Bethany was considering selling, but Elijah did not make the cut with the new buck. Micah did with the other goat, we were so surprised, he placed 5th in a class of 39!!! We were very glad about that but shocked that the new buck did not get in the cut. Another show in two weeks....keep trying.
I really am striving to move forward in the grieving journey, but so many moments it just stares me in the face and takes my breath away like when we go places as a family.....someone is missing or when Terry introduces our family to another family that we have never met, and he goes through the line of naming all of them.....someone is missing, or I look at family pictures and Terry's knee is empty of that other little twin that would be sure to be there....someone is missing. It's a hurt that is there everyday, yes there is grace but the pain is there too. He is missed so deeply. I will keep saying "Master."
In Oct of 06, it was on the 7th, 8th or 9th that Joel had his first fever. I did not write it down, just a fever, who would have thought....my heart is heavy in remembering....
Cindy
3 comments:
hey the grieving process is just that, it's a process. my grandpa filled his house with antiques when my grandmother died. probably because the house felt empty. my mother has been depressed and is ignoring life with the passing of a close friend. unfortunately they offer nothing of help to others in this situation. you and your family have purpose. you are studying scripture, applying it to your life which will help others in many ways. but from what i can tell the most important way is your total relying on His grace and mercy. when people are down the only thing they can do is look up. We are called to be like the eagle, mounted on his wings, soring. God is Good, all the time.
another thing is that (and i have no scripture other than the story of stephen looking unto heaven with a smile while being stoned) i often wonder if when a little child is going through outward pain that he cant control (cancer or abuse as opposed to stubbing toe etc...) i wonder if God doesnt protect the inward parts. we have an abused little girl that if you knew the abuse, you would throw up. The guy that did it is 24. he will be up for parole when he is 75. but i wonder if the outward appearance is just that. but God protects the inside from true hurt. when i die i will ask Him that, and if so that would be neat, and if not God is still God.
Keep looking up. You are doing a great job of totally relying on Him. Your family seems so happy, I just love to keep track of what you are all up to. God bless.
Marie in NC
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