"unhinged, loco, batty, nutty, bats in the belfry, loony, cracked, bonkers, frenzied.".......I now claim those titles....it was going so well....until this morning......what am I talking about...HOMESCHOOL!!!!! Names and ages will not be mentioned so as to not embarrass the teacher!!! It was like this, the problem was 9-9= I finally did this after at least 20 minutes of prior stuff, I laid 9 pencils on the table and said, "I am taking 9 pencils away, how many are left?" Huh...8. I do it again....huh 7, and again.....and finally an answer that will work....."0." All I can say is "Lord help us!!!!!" I really was having a great week with homeschooling and that person that was assigned my name yesterday to pray for me must have not held up my arms like we talked about in our Wisdom Booklet with Moses, Aaron and Hur!!! Could be worse I guess........
This has been an emotional week with Norma entering eternity. It is so sobering as I envision things in her home all setting in places where she left them. I envision her table right by her bed with her big drink cup, her glasses, her special pens, her calenders that she wrote everything on, her tissues and napkins that she held and used constantly. To think its all there awaiting, but she's not going to use it again. She has a little tiny dog in the house and the fellow is going over and managing everything until her attorney squares her estate, but I feel so sorry for this creature as its probably wondering where its master is. So sobering.... eternity is so near for each of us. I said I would delete the previous post about her but Terry wanted me to leave it, so it will stay. Maybe it will serve a higher purpose than I accomplished with her on this earth. Even though I feel like a failure with the project, I read a scripture that told me to forget the things that are behind and strive to whats ahead. I am seeking to do just that!
So often I limit the Lord. I pray a prayer and think that if he answers it that way it will be so wonderful and I think it would be so fulfilling. He can do over and beyond what I can even come up with and thats why I want to learn to say "nevertheless thy will be done." I want what is bigger and better than my ideas, dreams hopes and desires. I want what is unimaginable to my mind, and thats just what he can do if its his will. I am going to remove the limitations I have set in my mind and ask God to do more than my mind can conceive, that far exceeds my expectations according to his will. This thought has most to do with what seems like is on the horizon of desiring that the Lord would provide for Caleb and Daniel to be able to prepare their fields, for their brides and families in the Lord's timing. It still could be a little time away, but I guess I just desire to see something happening on the provision end of it. They would really like to purchase some land and even start a house or something. I know it can all happen, I know God can do this, I guess I get a little antsy in waiting for a start of the vision. My part....will be to just keep praying and trusting!!!
Saturday is Micah's 14th birthday, so another "Donut breakfast." I already called the donut man and the order will be awaiting us!! He is having an Archery Party and we'll do that at lunch with his requested hamburgers, chips and the "poison drink, Coke." Saturday afternoon, David, our friend is having a pre-labor day get-together at his place. A full day for Saturday!!!
New babies.....100 meat chicks have arrived this morning. We'll be butchering towards the end of Oct. They are so cute now!
Even though I haven't mentioned about my grieving lately does in no way mean that its easier, over, or better. I am living with the "wound, the hole." Smells, sights seeing Siah doing this or that always makes me envision another beside him. He has started this little thing of coming into my room each morning and being with me as I sit on the edge of my bed and read my Bible. I told him I especially like it! He still says sweet things about Joel, how he would give "Balley" one if he were here, or if "Balley" were he would do this or that! I hope the Lord gives him a clear memory of Joel all his days. Thinking about their upcoming birth has such wonderful memories of how God gave amazing answers to prayers and brings comfort to my heart that he is the same God that brought two little babies to us. This Jesus gave to us and took and in some mysterious way it is for our best! I keep telling him," I am going to believe you!"
Thanks for your encouraging words with the previous post, but I want you to know I am not going to hide behind all the comments that seemed to say "we did it in spite of." I am fully willing to receive what consequences he deems best for me and yet resting and trusting that he does forgive from the East to the West, which I am so grateful!
Have a great weekend.....
Cindy
4 comments:
I am the same way. I tend to lay the problem at God's feet but I want to keep going back to see if he still has it. I pray for your family daily as I have also lost a child (a daughter, Nerissa). But I rejoice in knowing that one day I will see my baby again. God bless you and your family and thank you for being so truthfull and honest on here. I enjoy your blogs. Maybe one day I'll learn how to do this myself.
Just the conviction I needed, again. I see many things that are the Lord's will, and I know it is assuredly best if they happen soon, so I prayerfully throw out my idea of a reasonable (for Almighty God!) time frame. But then He brings me back around to waiting on Him, leaning wholly on Him, and hoping only in Him. Sometimes I am incredibly restless and impatient for His will to come to fruition, "You said it was Your will, You continually confirm that it's Your will, please make it happen!!!!!" Certain days I think my insides are going to burst out with my pleadings to God! He already knows, He hears, and He is Sovereign; if I would just humbly submit and walk in His gentle, quiet, and meek Spirit, with boldness! His Word says to rest and wait on Him, blessing to the obedient will come and His will shall be. But then there are many verses that talk about numbering our days and seeing how few they are in light of eternity! Ps. 90-13-14 "So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom. Return, O LORD, how long? and let it repent thee concerning thy servants. O satisfy us early with thy mercy; that we may rejoice and be glad all our days." I see that my days are short, I see the vision and calling, and I ache for the freedom to live and share it! But I need to lay my passionate being in the Hands of the Almighty and trust that my days are in His hands, He can lengthen or shorten them, it is His vision, He knows best when it is to be fulfilled, He can at any moment brake down the doors that bar the way! I shall be free to move forward soon, the vision will not be lost in the sands of time, and the end will be more glorious than the beginning! I agree 100% with your statement, "I know it can all happen, I know God can do this, I guess I get a little antsy in waiting for a start of the vision." Oh, that is definitely where my heart is! And the vision gets grander and more glorious as I dive deeper in the Word and as each moment passes and I am dying to take action on it all! "Make no tarrying, Oh my God!" But like you said, my part is to just keep praying and trusting! (I'm praying for ya'll too!) And what do I do with all this passion, these ideas and fantasies, these inspirations? Like Mary I'll "put them on the shelf" for now, Luke 2:19 "But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart."
I am praying for you and your family in your homeschool and in your pursuit of the vision the Lord has granted you!!!!!
( : Deut 7:11-14 :D
What Blessed assurance and affirmation..... Thank you for your constant uplifting spirit. Some days are so difficult, THEN Gods little blessing, puts me flying in the clouds! I sing with TOTAL TRUTH, "Blessed Assurance".
Thank you Lord for the uplifting word. It brings truth to a world of the father of lies. It Brings assurance of your mighty hand,promise of deliverance,and Joy of what is just around the corner(Heaven).
Our nightly bible reading specifically about joys to come have caused heavenly home dreams. Then when I awake I am sad but empowered to read about the path set before us as we read of assurance, vision, Lord fearing action, deliverance, and supreme honor to our Lord.
Our Morning Family Worship (Psalm 95:1-7)
I love what was said about time and numbering our days..... I have been praying of how as a family to live a life of biblical action. Actions based on truth. In the old testament people lived hundreds of years but they feared the LORD as if they where to live 25 years. We should live each day in fear of the Lord and in action according to his word. We are to (with Gods Mighty power) live each day furthering his kingdom.
His mighty power working in his people brought them across the river Jordan and into the promise land. The Lord has us here for one reason, to action for his kingdom (his glory. Dear Lord guide me in your ways that I might lead into the promise land.
Genesis 49:22-28
What was said about HIS WORD gets you all powered up about God will!!!!! Very true.
And the vision gets grander and more glorious as I dive deeper in the Word and as each moment passes and I am dying to take action on it all!
Some days I get so addicted because it is the perfect picture. Perfect guidance. Expressions of his perfect will. Visions of hopes and dreams of Home. Hours of worship and reading have become a habit!!!!! Addiction to his word can be a problem if we don't set our minds to action based on that word! (as another comment said)
THANK YOU
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