Aug. 06, 07, 08.....

August 5, 2006- This was a Saturday and we attended a wedding and after we went over to a western store and purchased many "cow hats" that afternoon. Joel was so excited, marching around and out the store with his new hat on!! The picture on the side with the yellow shirt on....he was one happy cowboy!!!!

August 2007- I had just went to my first midwife appt. and was to go back on the 13th, to see if we could hear the heartbeat, but on that day there was only silence and then the following day (14th) I had the ultrasound and confirmed that the baby had died earlier in preg. And then the miscarriage that did not complete until Dec. 07

August 2008- Today remembering all these paths I have trod, thinking of Joel, I am thankful that the Lord has had mercy and at this time we are not experiencing such trials as the past few years!

You might wonder why I post so many scriptures.....it is my sustenance right now, each morning I look so forward as to what I might hear today, about what to do, about Joel, how my heart can endure such a separation, it is water to a thirsty heart, it is my "life support." I read several verses in Ps. 65 9-11, this morning and there were so many words that gave me comfort. I looked them up so as to have a broader scope of meditation for my mind as that is where the enemy seeks to thwart my hope. Here are the words in the order they came in the verses....

visitest- to oversee, care for, bestow
waterest- to run over, to over flow
enrichest- to grow, make rich
preparest- to be erect, establish, fix, order, ordain
settest- to sink, press or lead down, stick fast
blessest- kneel, to bless God
crownest- encircle, compass

I just went through each one of those meanings and made a prayer to the Lord this morning. I thanked him for visiting, for overseeing us through this trail, he will waterest my dry, hurt heart, asking him to enrich me and cause me to grow, making me rich with his graces because of this trial, thanking him that he prepared in eternity past all that we would need to suffice what we are going through, asking him to ground me more in him, for me to abide more in him, and then as I was on my knees there before the Lord, I told the Lord with great tears that I was able to bless him and kneel before his plan with Joel, and then as I thought about the last word and with the idea receiving a crown at the end of all this, while here on this earth he will encircle me with his presence and then in eternity I will be encompassed with his presence forever! What a wonderful, faithful God upon his throne accomplishing the very best for us, even through the fires and trials of faith!

OK....the electricity is all working, new breaker box in and nothing "blew up." David and Terry and the guys finished up around 11:30 or so last night. We were without window unit a/c from 4 pm until when they got it fixed, it was hot, and we were outside much after the sun went down, only to come into a dark house except for Josiah and Hosanna's tiny flashlights. Micah was able to get one lamp on so we sat around and waited for the guys to finish up. All went well and everyone was safe, so thank the Lord for that!!!! Today was the day to see if we could get high speed connection, but even on top of the barn, the reception was a little too weak, but there is one more option, David might get a relay tower and we can bump off of his possibly, so we'll see what happens!

May the Lord take those 7 words above and work them into your heart and all that you may face as well......

Cindy

Romans 8:28

I read this, this morning, with every breath I take I fling myself upon this truth and with Joel's 3 years 4 months and 10 days, I believe this......I have to......it is the only way that I can go forward....

We know that all things work together for good to them that love God.

Upon some points a believer is absolutely sure. He knows, for instance, that God sits in the stern-sheets of the vessel when it rocks most. He believes that an invisible hand is always on the world's tiller, and that whatever providence's may drift, Jehovah steers it. That reassuring knowledge prepares him for everything. He looks over the raging waters and sees Jesus treading the billows, and he hears a voice saying "It is I, be not afraid."He knows too that God is always wise, and, knowing this, he is confident that there can be no accidents, no mistakes; that nothing can occur that ought not to arise. He can say,"If I should lose all I have, it is better that I lose all than to have, if God so wills: the worst calamity is the wisest and the kindest thing that could befall to me if God ordains it." We know that all things work together for good to them that love God. The Christian does not merely hold this as a theory, but he knows it as a matter of fact. Everything has worked for good as of yet; the poisonous drugs mixed in fit proportions have worked a cure; the sharp cuts of the lancet have cleansed out the proud flesh and facilitated the healing. Every event as yet has worked out the most divinely blessed results; and so, believing that God rules all, that He governs wisely, that He brings good out of evil, the believers heart is reassured, and he is enabled calmly to meet each trial as it comes. The believer can in the spirit of true resignation pray, "send me what thou wilt, my God, so long as it comes from Thee; never came there an ill portion from Thy table to any of Thy children.

(taken from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening Aug. 5th)

Cindy

I Am He......

....Jesus saith unto them, I am he. And Judas also, which betrayed him, stood with them. As soon then as he had said unto them, I am he, they went backward, and fell to the ground. John 18:5-6

Whatever we face, whatever is before us whether a grieving mountain or temporal inconveniences when I am He is with us we can know that we can overcome these inconveniences and walk through the valley of death and will come forth as gold refined. Today, I am just having to fall on these scriptures because my heart "feels" succumbed to circumstances. It is I am He that is going before me.....

As to these inconveniences Terry was able to get the 2nd shower going so that is a blessing! Now all the electrical problems are looking to get resolved but it could be a day or so. We had an electrician come out and give us an estimate and his first quote was $6ooo and then he lowered it to $3500. Well.... since that will not work with our budget and this morning an engineer from our power company came out to evaluate the situation, he and Terry talked and with the help of David our neighbor they are going to tackle this job themselves, and the good news is the materials will likely be under $500!!!!! They will be putting a new breaker box and increasing to a 200 amp service. So if you think to, pray all goes well and for safety as they do this job this evening or in the morning. Terry is going to run some ext. cords from our well house which is on a different meter so we can keep refrig., freezers and possibly the window unit in the livingroom on so we can stay here while they work!

I continue to read about many other parents that have been separated from their little children and I do not feel I am on a "weird or longer than normal grieving path if I were comparing. We just have to walk through at our own pace and face this "giant" not by my might or my power but through HIS Spirit!!!! Some days are so good and then there are days when my heart feels as though it is going to burst with pain and longings for Joel!!!!

As I think of the scripture above and all the things I (we) face, I just want to take that phrase and place it in front of each burden and let him "knock it down."

I am He....my grieving
I am He.....electrical circumstances
I am He.....desire for more children
I am He.....jobs and work and provision
I am He.....salvation to the younger children
I am He...... futures for all the children but especially for Caleb and Daniel as they desire to prepare their fields.
I am He.....the school year ahead
I am He......to become more of the wife that I should be

These are just on the forefront of my heart right now, I know my list could be longer but I will leave it with that for now. May the great I am he do a mighty work!!!!!

O I just have to tell you what Mercy likes to eat right now......"Bikini Bread." It is so sweet how she says it. Anna will have to get some more zucchini bread going today!!! You probably have a good recipe but here's the one we like if your interested.

Zucchini Bread

2 cups sucanat (sugar)
1 cup oil
3 eggs, beaten
3 tsp. vanilla extract
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
3 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. baking powder
3 cups whole wheat flour
2 zucchini, unpeeled, grated, and patted dry with a towel
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)

In a mixing bowl, beat sugar, oil, eggs and vanilla. Stir in salt, baking soda, cinnamon, baking powder and flour. Stir in zucchini and nuts. Pour into a well greased bundt pan or 3 10-inch loaf pans. (you may have a little batter leftover if you use 3 loaf pans). Bake at 350 for 50-65 minutes or until bread springs back when gently pressed with fingertips.

It is amazing how fast the clothes are drying out on the fences, the towels are a little crunchy, but it beats the laundry mat cost!!!

May the Lord bless your week and may he be the I am He to you today!!!!

Cindy

(the picture above is Aug. 1, 06, it was so hot and they were inside with the cool and having a big time)

Inconveniences.......

Inconveniences......do they ever happen to you????????? Well, they are happening to us at this time! I can hardly call them a trial seeing they are such a temporal matter, maybe they should be called "attitude adjusters!" Its like this........one shower for 14 people, riding in 100 degree weather with no air and your dripping wet, extension cords running everywhere because of an electrical problem. This here electrical problem started when our central air caught fire in early spring and we decided to get a large window unit and now because it is pulling so much electricity, it keeps flipping the breaker, so last night the breaker box blew out some outlets which leads to the dryer not working and two out of three refrigerators not working which leads to why extension cords are running everywhere! Inconveniences........ I got lots of fences, so we'll get the clothes dry at least, extension cords are working, we are cool, so whats the big deal????????? I guess for those reading this, maybe it will make you smile to know that WE do have technical problems too, we are not exempt from day to day attitude adjusters and I guess if your really spiritual you could say a prayer for us........I will say this for sure, Terry does all that is in his power to "fix" what needs to be fixed, sometimes its just beyond his abilities, so you go to the next one up...an electrician! I am sure it will all work out sooner or later!

Now.... for more uplifting journaling.......Terry went to the farmers market with some of the children and he "dragged" Caleb and Daniel there to play their fiddles out in open air. How can a dad resist an opportunity for his sons to play and minister to others!! So if your buying vegetables, you will get an extra treat today and maybe your veggies will be "exstringly sweet, ( they were playing their string instruments, get it???)

It is so exciting to know that Joel's story and the story of choosing life is continuing to go forth. Another distibutor, The Old Schoolhouse on line has picked up Joel's Journey DVD. So now Vision Forum, CBD, The American Family Association and the Old Schoolhouse is carrying the DVD. I would like to ask you if you have watched the DVD, would you be willing to go here and give a review at the Old Schoolhouse? Also Joel's Journey is being entered into another Film Festival, The Southern Winds Film Festival, in Oklahoma. This helps a grieving mommy's heart to know that Joel is not forgotten!!!!

So what does the rest of the day look like.....Bethany I think is planning on taking one of her Nubian daddy goats to an auction, I have to fix lunch for our church fellowship tomorrow, get dinner for tonight, Hamburgers, yummy!!!!! Guess I better get it going and get to hanging those clothes out...... :)

Happy Saturday!!! O, by the way, the pumpkin only weighed 56 pounds, still BIG, but not as we thought..... guess that proves things seem bigger than they are, like these inconveniences....they seem bigger than they really are!!!!!!

Cindy

Josiah's Big Day !!

Josiah's Big Day

The training wheels are off, Josiah's big day
I wished I could have seen two bikes ride away!

Your brother is growing up and doing big things
He asked for his birthday a BB gun if I could bring

I know whatever I see him do
You would have been along side, not one but two

I have tears in my heart and joy at the same time
Watching your brother, with you on my mind

I'm thankful he's here, at least I can see
What you would be doing if you were here with me

Maybe you were looking down on Siah's big day
Saying, "Ride em' cowboy," Hooray!!!!!!

Miss you, Joel!!!

Well...... a big first for Josiah!!!!! Actually Jeremiah trained him in one day!!! He's growin' up!!!


Cindy