lasts.....

This day four years ago was Joel's last night to sleep in his little bed. His last time to play with his twin brother, Josiah on the floor, in his own house. In the morning, it would be his last breakfast, his last time to see his farm as we would be on our way for his second round of chemo and then the dreadful "midnight hour," the seizure, the coma on Jan. 3rd. How could I not re-play the nightmare, yet how can I not as well speak of His great grace that has carried me through. On poignant dates as I have said before, it does all crash back, the scenes, the urgency, the unbelief that all transpired that night. I guess I like to recapture the details and try to remember that last night, the last morning here at our house. I remember as we were getting in the van and he was giving hugs to his siblings outside, someone had a BB gun and he went over and gave it a shot. He had a the cutest snow hat on. He had helped pack his suitcase and wanted to make sure his new flashlight was in there as we were going to turn all the lights off in the hospital room and "play." That never happened. I guess the thing that hurts so much is he had no idea what was to come and so innocent thinking we were just going to the hospital and would soon return to his favorite place, his farm. That never happened. My soul is still so crushed, I weep even now! But I can also say within my soul, that all is well because I trust the integrity of my Saviors heart, His plans are far higher than I can know and I just have to keep laying it there. But I still miss him, I think of him everyday.

Well, how could I not say anything of this day, and time that has come once again. How could I not say too......marvelous grace, so much has been given though so much has been taken. My whole being desires 3 things from this trial, one; that it bring God glory, two; I be made more like Him and three; that Joel would never be forgotten and his story bless and encourage others.

Hope this New Year finds you all desiring God more, aspiring to love others as Christ has loved us and loving life as it is a gift! I am looking forward to this year of "new beginnings" with the older children's futures and all that God has for them. I want to relish and savor every moment. I am blessed by what God is doing and excited as he guides and directs their paths.

Somehow we gotta get back to school, any kind of routine and maybe getting up a little bit earlier....hint, hint!!!!

Happy New Year to all, thank you for being with us. I know on the 3rd, so many of you cried out on our behalf as we begun our darkest hour and you have hung with us as he has made our days brighter and brighter until the full day..................I love you all!!