Work Wrought on a Wheel.....

How am I (we) making it these 17 months without Joel.....Ps. 68:28,Thy God hath commanded thy strength, O God, that which thou hast wrought for us. One of the greatest comforts I receive from the Lord is the continual affirmation that this is "his work that he has wrought for us." Wrought has the idea of some work, ordained, planned. Being the recipient of this work that the Lord has wrought for us has been ever so difficult, but when I have truth to bring my mind and emotions to, there are moments of peace, hope and I can find a sense to move ahead. So this morning as that truth swept over my heart and washed it, I am finding strength to lean into this trial. I read this verse as well this morning, Jer.18:3, Then I went down to the potters house, and behold, he wrought a work on the wheels. The Lord has something in mind, it is a work, his work, and he is turning the wheels. The next verse says, and the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter:so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it. For a short time in one sense I was a potter for Joel, seeking to nourish, train, love him with my hands, I wanted to mold him, we had dreams and desires for his life, and it is like our time came to an end of molding his earthly clay so He, the Lord made Joel in to another vessel, a heavenly one this time, as it seemed good for the Master Potter to make it. Like I said, as the Lord gives these "stepping stones," of truth I get on it and look for the next. One other scripture gave me a "sort of answer" to trials we face, Ex.10 1-2, And the Lord said unto Moses, go in unto Pharoah: for I have hardened his heart, and the heart of his servants, that I might shew these signs before him: And thou mayest tell in the ears of thy son, and of thy son's son, what things I have wrought in Egypt, and my signs which I have done among them; that ye may know that I am the Lord. Someday, maybe this trial, this work that is being wrought for us in our Egypt, will be told to others in our family and maybe the Lord will use it to testify of who He is, so it is with that motivation I need to remain faithful. So today I find the truth of, this work is wrought on His wheel specifically designed for us.....

Terry's folks are coming for a visit on Friday through Monday, the guys want to do something "BIG," I do not know all that entails this adventure and plus weather permitting, we'll just have to see what they pull off!!! Danielle is fitting right in with helping and earning her keep. Her and Bethany fixed our meal last night and for the dessert they served Black Forest Crepes!!! She will be here until the 24th. For those that do not know her mom went to heaven a few weeks before Joel, she had brain cancer. We are seeking to minister and encourage her.

So our "thing " in the evenings now is Volley ball. Last night we had a BIG game. The Gellenbeck family, with their 8 crew, came over (they definitely played before) and we had a great time. Micah will not let us escape this adventure in the evenings. By the evening I was doing better from my "blank day."

Anna once again has taken breath taking pictures for her mother, I Love these pictures of Mercy and Josiah, I will be getting them framed and place them around the home. I am so thankful for her abilities, I am forever glad we have pictures of Joel of everyday that he was in the hospital and ones at home. I look at them often and just marvel that I am really his mommy!

Tomorrow, grocery day again!!!! This time everything will fit....in the van:) I need to go and begin menu preparations and lists for that so until later, blessings to each!!!!

Cindy

I Am Blank Today.....

No pictures, no nothing.....I am just BLAh!!! I just want to crawl in my own little world, I guess I need to hide in the shadow of his wings don't I???????I am working on Andrew's Creative Memory book though......

Cindy

A Mystery.....

The Lord brought one little word to my mind upon waking this morning, the word mystery. That led me on a search of course to find out what I could as that word particularly draws my heart because of the happenings with Joel. There are quite a few mysteries; the mystery of faith, mystery of the kingdom, mystery of marriage, mystery of the resurrection, of iniquity, mystery of God's will, of the gospel, mystery of the end of things and there is the hidden mysteries of the Lord. From what I could understand, some mysteries, secrets are and will be shown (through his word) at fullnesses of time and then there is the "hidden mysteries,"( like double secrets) that will be given in eternity. I know I pray much that the Lord would show me what is in according to his will of the mystery with Joel's sickness and accomplish his purposes in me, as I can not stand the thought of wasting what the Lord desires to do in this trial. This verse stood out; Col.1:26-27, even the mystery which hath been hid from the ages and from the generations, but now is made manifest to his saints: to whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you the hope of glory.... As I thought about how at an appointed time the Lord brought a trial of mystery into our lives, that there is glorious riches in this mystery, rich fruits that can come forth, riches of glory that God will get, and I think that part of the mystery that this trial is to do is to put more of "Christ in me," he is to be my hope. I am looking for the "riches" of the spiritual and conforming to his image and all that he shall do in days to come, but how I am longing unto that mystery that will be seen in eternity and finished up, Rev.10:7, But in the days of the voice of the seventh angel, when he shall begin to sound, the mystery of God should be finished, as he hath declared to his servants the prophets. Having that to look forward to, gets me to the next day!

A "Big Day" a head.... first, the guys are out brush hogging the pasture, Terry is doing major garden work, like picking a couple hundred ears of corn!!! I know they are going to wash their truck :) its a wonder there is any paint left on it!!!!!!!, we are going to grill "our cow T-bones for lunch and roast our potatoes and have our corn on the cob, how can it get better??? This afternoon we are going to join up with many families in south OKC for cooking, games, fellowship and fireworks later in the evening and we are taking a few extra :) friends with us:) Plus the inside of the house needs a little bit of attention. And.....I am going to get "some peoples" to wash the van and work on the inside of it, its worse than bad!!

As I was thinking how I keep making it everyday, I thought of the picture of stepping stones and how the Lord continues to give me scriptures on many days and I step on that one to await the next one, the scripture has truly been my anchor in the midst of this ocean of grief. I read one more scripture in Ps. this morning, 4:7, Thou hast put gladness in my heart, more than in the time that their corn and their wine increased. When I think of the most glad time in my life, no doubt and obviously it would be when Joel was here with us, but the Lord says he can make my heart more glad than that time of what I think is the most bountiful time of increase, when our family was here all together. I can not imagine how that can be, how can something be better than then? I want that to happen, I want the joy and gladness back.....

May the Lord grant a great day as you spend it with family and friends, what mercies we receive from the Lord to be together! Have a blessed 4th!!!! I have been praying for a (: special friend :) and I want to share this verse I read this morning and may it bless your heart and encourage your faith, That your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God. I Cor. 2:5.

The picture of Joel was July 2006 on the 4th and 5th, he thought the fireworks were so fun!!!

Cindy

New Boots......

Those are mighty fine looking boots there for sure, partners'!!! Josiah said he was ONLY going to wear his when it was like "spring" outside, meaning not in the water and mud!! Hosanna said she too was going to wear her water boots for the wet stuff and have these for dry weather!!That was a little side adventure yesterday after Andrew's appointment, which all was well, thank the Lord. His blood oxygen level was at 97. This is the second pair for Josiah since that outing with Joel on Dec.14,06 to get them both a a pair. Joel's are sitting like brand new on the hearth in the living room, wearing them just a few times. He wore them to the hospital on the dreaded day of the evening of the seizure Jan 3, 07, we brought the boots home empty. Everyday there is reminders....

Mercy is taking a nap and I am in the house ALONE, its hard to believe!! The young ladies (Bethany, Anna, Danielle and Hosanna) of the home are delighting themselves in a fanciful "High Noon Tea" at a tea room in the Edmond area. That sounds all girlie doesn't it? This was a birthday treat from Danielle to Bethany. You'll have to check her blog out later this evening, I am sure she will have great pictures of the event!!!

O...how I like to hear from the Lord everyday, I do not like dry toast days....I just have to know that the promises hold true each day, whether its a day of hearing from the heights of heaven or like today....silence. I do believe we ( I am anyway) are a people prone to murmur and complain even if we have his presence or not. Moses certainly had one on one with the Lord, Jesus himself was walking and talking with his disciples and folks, yet even in the midst of his presence, his demonstrations of power, signs and wonders there remained hearts that grumbled with discontent. What I am saying is even if the Lord was to condescend in a way to my grieving heart, I am no different than all these others, I would be wanting more signs, more evidences. Sometimes I wonder if the Lord was desiring the signs to give glory of who he was but people only wanted more signs instead of HIM!! He just wants us, our hearts, he wants me to love him more than any other, more than Joel. To be honest, if I were to see Joel at the gates of heaven, I would run to him first, maybe thats what this is all about....teaching me to want to run to Him first. I guess I am a hard lump of clay!!! Here's my heart Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above....

Like I mentioned before, we have met so many people through Joel's Journey and through avenues with advertising for our farm endeavors and it has been a blessing. On occasion we have people call desiring to come out and tour our little farm, some seeking "how to," others wanting to purchase products, so this afternoon we are getting things in shape to give a tour to some folks that are interested in the products that we sell, soap, meat chickens, beef, goat milk, and then the goats themselves, Boer's and Nubian's. The Lord has brought us a long way and made much provision since we moved out here 141/2 years ago. We have caught ourselves getting a big laugh about how things were built in "the beginning." For instance, we needed a shelter for a horse, so Terry made one out of some poles and put cedars on the top, it was great until they dried out and crumbled all over you! Then there are numerous stories of "pens and gates." They would swing open a few times and then get the good ole baling wire out and wire em' up! Hey, you just work with what you have!!! Vast improvements made and we give thanks to the Lord for the provisions through Terry's work and now the guys all working together, that we have been able to make the farm more presentable to others. All that said, I had better wrap this up and get to work!!!!

O, I forgot to say the van is all done and has new "guts" (engine) good to get it back, we could have owned that little rent car after 3 weeks :)

Cindy

I Miss Him Today.....

Will Not....

Sometimes it just doesn't make sense
That all this is working for good
There is so much I 'm going to miss
Because the seen is not understood
I will not get to see you climb farm trees
Wear holes in your jeans, and get dirty knees
I will not get to see your first tooth come out
Or ride a bike with "Siah" no doubt
I will not get to see you do your school
Writing, math and using daddies tools
I will not get to watch you grow taller
Nor see your hand lead Mercy cause' she's smaller
I will not get to see you blow out candles, parties and cakes
Creating, building toys you would make
I will not get to hear your voice change as you become a young man
I will not get to see your shoulders broaden and hold your rough calloused hands
I will not get to hear you pray for strength from above
I will not get to see a bride whom you could love
I will not get to see your generations to come
A family, a heritage, victories won
I can hardly bear the hopes and dreams that will not be
O Lord, give me eyes of faith to look beyond what I can see!!

I am missing Joel today, everyday..... I have been reading in the book of Joel, I don't know, just thinking of who he was named after, who he might have been. Most mornings soon upon waking I have the thoughts of what would he be doing today?? The void will always bring thoughts of what life would be like if he were here. One verse stood out, 3:16, The Lord also shall roar out of Zion, and utter his voice from Jerusalem; and the heavens and the earth shall shake: but the Lord will be the hope of his people, and the strength of the children of Israel. At some point in each of our lives more than likely we will experience a "shaking" that will seem like we are utterly being swallowed by heaven and earth. Ours is the separation with Joel. In the midst of this shaking event the Lord says that he is our hope. No matter how despairing, dark, painful our circumstances bring us to, Jehovah is God( that is what Joel's name means) he is our hope. The everyday associations with Joel's life is so hard, just looking around and seeing the things he touched, places he played, toys that he enjoyed, chairs he sat in, it is sometimes the strangest feeling too, that yes he was here and now he is not. Time is not a friend, it seems so long that I had him here and it seems so long until I will see him again. I am clinging to the hope but it does not diminish the daily pain of missing him!! I try so hard sometimes in my memory to remember his face, his voice, his smell, the way his little hands were always so rough, Josiah brings comfort as I imagine of who Joel would be, but none can take his place. There are probably some that wonder, "well you have so many more children," that is true but I have often thought of that parable of the lost coin or the lost sheep, it was only one, but they searched, they looked, it was missing I have other children but one is not here. I just miss him..........

Mundane stuff getting done around here today....the girls have not ironed in ever so long, so they have a mountain of that to do. Who likes that job??????????? I do not and neither do they but it must be done!!!! Anna has been making zucchini bread like crazy!!!! The guys are in the Norman area building a Build Block house and barn for a home owner. Once again they are introduced to folks that bring friendships and able to share about the Lord one way or another, and they have many funny stories that they share with us!! So thankful for this new era of work the Lord has led our family into. I know Terry's heart is filled with an overflow as he gets to work with his best friends....his sons!!!

Andrew has improved 100% so we are so thankful for the means of the treatments. He has to go back in tomorrow and they will check his blood oxygen levels, I feel confident it will be in the upper 90"s.

I just want to take a minute here and say thank you to so many that continue to e-mail and share comments expressing their words of comfort and encourage us on this journey. So many friends via this journey. Two main sources of how we are "making it!" The first is the Lord of course, his truths and his mercies and then the second is folks like you, seeking to intercede on our behalf, sharing tears of sorrow and words of hope with us. Our friendship borders have been expanded in such a way that I hope we are all growing and learning of our great God!! I can not even imagine traveling where we have traveled without either. I have enjoyed the "meeting" of so many, your families, your endeavors and your visions. I find I want to give something back to you and yet what???? I will just give you a blessing.......... "May the Lord of heaven and earth grant every desire according to his will in your lives, make you fruitful with thousands in Israel, bless you with generations of faith through your children until the appearing of the Lord Jesus, that love would abound in your homes through each relationship, that every need would be met over and beyond what is requested, that there would be a spirit of gratefulness and may the Lord be honored in your lives and families!!!"

Cindy