Getting to Know Him...

We made another pick-up at the bus station on Sunday evening.....but it was for a human this time ....Danielle, Bethanys friend that visited us awhile back. We are in for a fun week!!! The little people just love her and she is a very good helper/ worker!!

There was a season I was praying this prayer many years ago, Phil.3:10 That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made comformable unto his death, not imagining the depth it might take me to in years to come. It was not just because I prayed that I recieved it to that depth, but I believe it was answered as a means connected to his will and providences. Alas, this morning I was "thinking." In my thoughts about that prayer, I was thinking in terms of the journey we have been on....I could not have known him like I know him now except through this journey. I do not know him in fullness, but in a new part of a way. I would not know the "power" of the resurrection except of the desperate hope I need of being able to see Joel again. I would not know (a small portion) His sufferings except I enter in to suffering in being seperated from Joel. I would not be conformed in such a direct way with his death (only in a small way) except through this trial conforming and purifying me. I read two scriptures this morning in 2 Tim. 2:5-6 ( I am going to write it in another trans, as the picture was encouraging) And if a person contends in the athletic games, he is not crowned as the victor unless he engages in the athletic contest according to the prescribed rules. It is necessity in the nature of the case that the tiller of the soul who labors with wearisome effort be the first to be partaking of the fruits. I was thinking how all these verses intertwine. How will we know him if we do not engage in what he has endured? When I prayed that prayer, I know I was sincere in wanting the end result but without adversity. I wanted to know Christ and love him more, but somehow I just wanted it to "happen" instead of aquiring it through a fire. So it is with an athlete, you are not crowned a victor unless you engage in the "contest." Can we learn suffering without suffering? Can we "know the power" of the resurrection without really needing it for your situation to be able to see your loved one again? Again I am thinking in terms of my situation and for me, as I try to see and learn all that the Lord has in mind for me to learn it seems it is given unto me to suffer so that I can know him in a broader way. I battle this theory or truth, because my mommy heart had rather have Joel, but in eternity I can be twice blessed if I have the right perspective now, for I will get to be with Joel and I can reign with Him because I have suffered with him. So with the second portion of that verse, I am praying and asking the Lord, not because I deserve it or because I was in the contest and won, but as a wearisome laborer desiring to be a partaker of the fruit that could come from sufferinig. May the Lord conform us all, whether by trial or grace.....

Well....another birthday tomorrow...Joshua is going to be 10!!!! He is having an "Indian Party." We have had about every form of Cowboy party there is, so I was surprised in my own thinking that an Indian party was not yet had. Joshua was our third homebirth here in the country, "country bred, country born." We are praying for Joshua that soon in his heart that the Lord would make his heart willing in the day of his power unto salvation. The seven oldest have repented unto salvation and were at a younger age and we are so grateful for the Lord's mercy to them. We are praying for the younger ones that soon in their hearts they would be given the gift of faith and repentance. So tomorrow we will be on the "war path of another party." And guess what...we are NOT having donuts, Joshua wanted a special breakfast that Anna is making, Cream Cheese Danish!!!!

Shopping week this week, so I have to get my menu together and tomorrow...Wednesday, my house will get and be clean according to our new plan....YEAH!!!!!! Saturday will be Bethany and Andrew's first goat show of the year, so we are planning for that. It will be close to home this time, about 30 minutes away. O, Sunday night or rather Mon. morn at 2:30 a.m. we had to go down in the storm cellar as tornadoe possibilities were very close to our house, the spotters said they stayed in the air, but that was fine with us!!!!!!

Finish the week well and more importantly the race well..... I love you Joel and miss you!!!!!!

Cindy

( the tree is Joel's Tree, a Redbud planted in our front yard area, that Terry's former employees gave us, it is "alive and blooming," a blessed truth through nature that Joel is living.... just in another kingdom!!! The house pictures are of a Build Block house they are building now at a job site.

More Babies....

With a maa maa here and a peep peep there..... new babies are here and arriving!! 15o baby chickens yesterday arrived at the post office (125 broilers to butcher and 25 layers to add to the others) and are in brooder pens in our garage, and Bethany is picking up two Nubian baby goats at the AIRPORT this afternoon, if you can believe that!! And we have 6 baby kittens and do not forget the puppies are ready to GO!!!! If we are not careful the animals are going to be running the farm instead of humans!!! I am sure Bethany will tell all about her travels on her blog so you'll have to visit and see her pictures later. Mercy called the chickens "chicken pops." She wants to go see the "baby chickens and baby puppies alot!!" The Lord has blessed us to be able to live out here and have these memories with the children. Alot of work, but alot of fun!!!

The Lord encouraged my heart this morning as I read Ps.119:49 Remember the word unto thy servant, upon which thou hast caused me to hope. I mentioned previously that I had been making some particular requests to the Lord, as we all do, and I had read some scriptures that the Lord showed me that gave me a hope that the Lord would answer the requests. As time goes, I keep praying and I have not had them answered as of yet and I sometimes get discouraged and think and reason and lean on my own understanding and say woe is me, I guess the Lord forgot or is not going to answer. This morning my hope was renewed in the verse above and I talked with the Lord that it was his word that gave me the hope in the first place and I reminded the Lord of my requests again and ask him to remember the word(s) that he put before me pertaining to the requests. I was also blessed by some truths in a devotional by Mr. Spurgeon, Thus have true saints continued long in patient waiting without reply, not because their prayers were not vehement, nor because they were unaccepted, but because it so pleases Him who is Sovereign, and who gives according to His pleasure. But we must be careful not to take delays in prayers as denials; God's long-dated bills will be punctually honored; we must not suffer Satan to shake our confidence in the God of truth by pointing to our unanswered prayers, Unanswered prayers are not unheard. God keeps a file for our prayers-they are not blown away by the wind, they are treasured in the king's archives. Tried believer, thy Lord hath a tear bottle in which the costly drops of sacred grief are put away, and a book in which thy holy groanings are numbered. Canst thou not be content to wait a little? Will not the Lord's time be better than thy time? By and by He will comfortably appear, to thy souls joy and make thee put away the sackcloth and ashes of long waiting and put on the scarlet and fine linen of full fruition. In reality even if the Lord were to not answer my requests, he knows what is best, I want to grow to the place of being confident in that, without thinking that I am being forgotten on my requests. I want to trust the verse in Ps. 139:6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. I am really in a win/win situation, you are too, if he answers it is for our best and if he does not answer it is for our best!! Satan loves to thwart our thoughts, our hope and our confidence in the Lord. May we know in a greater way, "greater is he that is in us than he that is in the world!!!"

I have a new plan......Since Joel went to be with the Lord, the last 14 months, I have been functioning on survival mode like with the household duties and in encouraging the children to carry out there chores, like if it gets done or not, so what. Prior to Joel's sickness we ran a pretty tight ship with chores and schedule throughout the day. The problem that I have ran into is I go from one extreme to the other.... if no body seems to be doing what there suppose to, then I tend to try to do everybody's job ( which is impossible) and the other side is I just do not remind the children of what they are suppose to do and that makes me sad because nothing is getting done. Everybody has chores that they are suppose to do everyday or on particular days of the week, but even with that plan some chores were forgotten. Sooo.... the new plan for us is on every Wednesday, we call it "Working Wednesday" we are going to not do school work on that day and we are going to do ALL the chores that everybody is suppose to do in a weeks time, that has to do with cleaning the house. We start out with Bethany having a scripture that we are going to memorize that day and then we set out to do these tasks ( I am giving only a few) dust, straighten pots and pans and plastic cabinets, iron if needed, clean showers and bathrooms, clean ceiling fans, windex appliances, windows, mirrors, vacum, straighten clothes shelves, mop floors, take trash inside and out, laundry washed folded and put away, clean grounds outside, ect. That all goes along with their chores with all the animals too. All these tasks are divided up amongst Bethany, Anna, Micah, Andrew, Josh, Jeremiah, Hosanna, and Josiah. (the people that are here) It worked so well, when the guys got home it was a smooth ship, we had supper ready and even had candles burning!!! They commented that all was nice and clean, especially Elijah, he would like it to be like that everyday, but I quickly told him this is a Wednesday thing and for the rest of the days we will be in a different gear. I was so grateful to get it all done, know its done and the children did a great job!!!! "If mama is happy, then everbody is happy."

If the Lord brings it to your mind, will you pray for a burden we have with the hospital, there are unresolved issues that need to be dealt with. Terry is pursuing different avenues and we just need help from the Lord of what to do and how to do and if to do. My prayer has been that the Lord would be the "righteous judge of the earth for our situation." I know many of you all probably heard of the young man 21, of OK, that was declared braindead Nov.19, he had no blood flow either. I do not know if that cold be a defense to our situation or not, but here you have a man that the medical field has said is dead and now he is walking and talking. I know God has different plans for different ones and I do not doubt God's plan for Joel, one of the issues is that the Dr's removed their care for Joel, they did not feed him for a certain amount of days, they did not seek to further care for him, because they said he was dead, they said Mr. Dunlap was dead too. The point being they should have cared for a patient in a hospital. I do know that if the Lord will see fit to vindicate his truth with our situation or not but it will be vindicated in eternity. We just want what God wants for now. We do not have any bitterness or anger we just want to do what the Lord wants us to do and know that we did all we were suppose to do. Thanks for your prayers in that area.

May the Lord bless you with a good weekend and peaceful Lord's day!!

Cindy

Not Much.....

I am just trying to stay out of the "shoulda, coulda, woulda, valley." If the Lord was willing we would have a new baby by now and that stings my heart to think of what could have been but I have to continue to trust which is sometimes hard because of the fact you can not always see past where you are in your circumstances. I read a scripture in John 20:11 But Mary stood without at the sepulchre weeping: and as she wept, she stooped down, and looked into the sepulchre. It seems that is what I do alot, that is, the first part of the verse, standing without weeping. I have got to force myself to do the second part, to stoop down and look into... I have got to look into the face of the Lord, I have got to look into the word, I have got to look into the empty tomb and know that the testiomony of victory over death flows from that tomb, that the Lord has all power and to not let my mind think of what coulda, woulda, shoulda been from my perspective. Sometimes I just do not feel like exercising spiritually, sometimes I want things to be easier. A statement in a grief book I read said something like, asking "why" keeps us looking back, asking "what now", will allow one to move forward. I do find myself asking why at times, but I do ask what now, I just do not have the answer yet. I do not know what to do. I know there are obvious things, house, husband and children, maybe thats it, but I guess I am wondering if that is all? I will try to look into......thats what I know to do.

Not much else going around here. I have been working on my Creative Memory books for the children. Everyone has one or two but Caleb and Daniel, none for them. I know I have got to gear up and tackle that, but the problem is I have sooooo many pictures without dates and I am going to have to figure out how to divide the pictures up as I do not have two prints of most. I thought about that being my summer project, we'll see. I think I have been doing CM for about 8 years and I have 18 books that I am working on. I go in spurts in working on them. By the time I get them all caught up its time to turn around and start over. I hope it will be a blessing to the children in the years to come. Bethany has helped on occassions, but she had rather be with her goats!! I guess its just my "thing."

Guess what???? Caleb, the firstborn wanted braces....personally, I did not think he needed them, but he wanted them, so......he got them. The Dr. said he should be out of them in 6 months, with this new digital way and using this special suresmile wire. He has been in some pain, and its hard to eat, but it will get better. He said yesterday, the first day,"I wish it was over." We all kinda told him in so many words, "you already bit the dust."

The guys have been around the homefront for quite awhile, which is nice to get alot done here but we do have to eat. They have jobs lined up, its just been waiting on either materials to arrive to build a barn or waitinig on other contractors to do there part. So tomorrow they will be on a job site working, YEA, now we can have food!!!!! (we have food, just thinking about my next shopping trip) While they were here they added a wing on the south side of the barn for the heifers to calve in. Looks nice too!! Terry has been working very hard in the garden, its doing well and we are eating spinach and not long until lettuces and radishes.

So thats about the news on the farm for now.....Enjoy the warm weather, we are!!!! I miss you Joel on these warm days, I know you and Josiah would be barefootin around together. Josiah and Hosanna are pretty good partners, and their feet are very dirty right now!!!!

Cindy

P.S. Puppies are ready....please come get one...Bethany wants to sell them for $50, but I want to get rid of them however it takes......they say they are cute, you can see for yourself....

Hope and Life...

It does not have to be January 23 for me to re-play all that took place, the 23 rd of each month seems to hold those memories. I was especially blessed that Easter fell on the 23rd. It gave me hope in the midst of my sorrow in thinking of Joel. As I have thought about death, life and the resurrection, it has a whole new meaning. How could we continue on in this life if we did not have hope in the life to come, death will come for all. It is the passage way to real life, eternal life, living forever with the Lord and with our loved ones. Of all the difficult situations with Joel, his diagnoses, the tests, the pain he endured and the unknown, the hardest was after he took his last breath (after holding his body for sometime) having to lay the body that held Joel on the bed and to turn and walk away and leave the body that I birthed, nourished, loved on, dressed, bathed, mended the hurts on, wiped the tears from and held. There are no words to describe that feeling. That day my heart was in such turmoil, I was not looking ahead, Now as time has passed and scriptures have ministered to my heart I have hope that the little body that was battered, bruised and swollen will be raised up one day... and it all because Jesus had triumphed over sin, death and hell!!!! The resurrection is more than a story, it is my hope that I will see Joel again. It is with that hope that is before me that I can even go forward in this life. These verses are wonderful words of life and hope, they tell me what Jesus has done, they tell me of his Victory over death.

John 1:19 Jesus answered and said unto them, Destroy this temple and in three days I will raise it up.

John 11:25 Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection and the life...

Luke 14:36...nevertheless not what I will but what thou wilt

Matt. 28:6 He is not here: for he is risen, as he said...

It is because of the above verses that I can embrace these verses that I have hope to see Joel again.

John 16:22 And ye now therfore have sorrow but I will see you again

Ps. 55:18 He hath delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me

Ps.49:15 But God will redeem my soul from the power of the grave: for he shall recieve me

Ps. 23:6 ...and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever

Ps. 61:7 He shall abide before God forever

Ps. 73:26 My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever

It has been a day of peace in my heart as I think of what is before me, I still miss him, I missed getting him ready for church this morning, I miss him so much, but one day because of this day that we emphasize the resurrection, there is hope. There is hope everyday!!!!!

We took a family picture, we do not have all the "Easter fluff" on but I had to take it for my "records." I will tell you all about it...we told everyone to close their eyes due to bright sun and then open when you hear the beeps getting closer together... Micah did not follow instructiions:) Mercy's hair is in a dither, and Terry's tie is all lopsided and undone and if you look at me, it looks like I have my legs spread out, but its really Terry's knee!!!!Oh well, I got my picture and mama's happy about that!!!!! I wanted to share a picture at the cemetary to remind myself that Joel is not there, he is living with the Risen Lord!!!!!!

He is Risen, He is Risen Indeed!!!!!

Cindy

Andrew is 12 !!

Howdy Partners.....Andrew done went and turned 12 and we had ourselves a right good time, sure as shooten!! First we gathered up all the lil' doggies and played some games. We had a tin can shoot and most of em' were dead eyes! Next we had a Hobby Horse Race. They rode like the wind to the finish line! After that was the Cattle Drive. Them cowpunchers had to drive their cows(balloons) over the range. Some cows made it, some didn't, they were let for dead on the dusty trail! (balloons popped) Rattlesnake Rucus was next, passing a plastic snake(like hot potatoe) around in a circle to some good "old" cowboy music! By that time these hungry Buckaroos had worked themselves up an appetite and were ready for some chuck wagon grub. They filled their belly's with Howdy Partner Hamburgers, Fiddlin Franks, Bucharoo Baked Beans, Cow Chips and washed er'down with some Sasparilla. With belly's full and a fire crackling we settled down to "brand" Andrew with some blessings. Terry, Caleb and Daniel gave Andrew some good preachin' in encouraging him to seek the Lord, take up manhood, study to show thyself approved, ect. By God's grace I know Andrew will saddle up and follow the trails with the Lord. He came to me personally and thanked me for all the party and his gift. He has taken a step in the right direction....showing gratefulness! To round up the night Andrew opened his gift and was happily surprised with a Leatherman. A 16 arm utility tool. We couldn't quite crawl in our bunks without some sweets, so with a little bit of Campfire Coffee we had Sheriff Surprise(a yummy brownie bar) Cow Patty Candy(homemade millionaires) and Old Codger Cookies( sheriff badge sugar cookies) Now that there was a good time! And thanks fer comin along on the trails with us!!!!

The party was great!! I was the one quite miserable...A bladder infection hit hard yesterday morning. Anna and Bethany really had to pull things together for me. They did and I am sooo grateful. Right now I feel a little better but not 100%. Hopefully by this evening I will be mostly over it. Thanks for praying for me.

Anna took close to 400 pictures, her memory card was filled. I'm not going to post them all:) So many fun ones, that I might post some more in the future! Her picture taking abilities are priceless to me! I put the one of Joel too, his last party with Andrew, he was always right smack in the middle of partying!! Boy, he would have loved this one. Josiah had the biggest time!! I missed my lil' cowboy, Joel! It is times like this that the tears sting your cheeks and the pain seems so deep. Being together is a treasure. Lord willing we'll all be together again one day!!!

Blessed and joyful trails to you!!! (more pics below)

Cindy