Hum Drum

We do not need a special day

to bring you to our minds

The days we do not think of you

are very hard to find

Each morning when we wake,

we know that you are gone

And not many know the heartache

as we try to tarry on

Our hearts still ache with saddness
and secret tears still flow

What it meant to lose you

no one will ever know

Our thoughts are always with you

your place no one can fill

In life we loved you dearly

in death we love you still

If tears could make a staircase

and heartaches make a lane

We'd walk the path to heaven

and bring you back again

We hold you close within our hearts

and there you will remain

To walk with us throughout our lives

till we meet again

Our family chain is broken now

and nothing seems the same

But as the heavens call us one by one

the chain will link again

Hum drum, mundane, ordinary.... that is what it has been lately around here. I guess if I could give any advice, it would be give thanks for those plain, simple days that sometimes seem like you do not accomplish much. For last year we were in the middle of the unknown and in 21 days we would begin to walk in the darkest trial of our lives and to hear the most dreaded knews to our hearts, " your son has cancer, neuroblastoma, stage IV, the worst stage, the only hope besides a miracle of healing to save his life is chemo and a rigerous roadmap ahead of you"The scripture is true, "do not boast about tomorrow, for we do not know what a day will bring forth". Our family with the Lord's help tries to always say "Lord willing" to any plans. As I look over small journal entries on small pieces of paper of what was going on in Joel's little life and think of what he was experiencing on particular days, it is hard to my heart of these days last year. Of all that Joel was going through, yes he had winey days, and mostly wanted to be held, but he did have his smile and alot of days that he grabbed our hearts with his sweet unique voice and his funny sayings. He never complained of his hardships of not being able to do any of the activities as he watched his siblings. It brought great joy as they would play around him and he would watch with utmost enjoyment. I miss him more than ever as these are very memorable days. So.... love those plain, maybe even boring days!!!!!!!

Lets see, what else is going on around here... Terry and the boys are busy with the new family business, Shekinah Springs Farm and Construction. They have many jobs ahead. Right now they are building a barn and after that another barn, concrete work, and after Thanksgiving a big job in Eufaula, Ok. It is amazing as when they finish one job the Lord provides another. This was Terry's vision a year ago and through the Lord orchestrating all the plans, Terry's and our families desire was fulfilled. It is certainly a leap of faith for me because I have been grocery shopping every two weeks for 10 years or longer and now I am hoping I can still do that:) Terry's favorite saying in our house is "THE LORD WILL PROVIDE" He does demonstrate greater faith than I, which for me is good because I need a crutch so often!!!

Terry and I had our 21st aniversary on November 8th, and his mom and dad celebrated their 50th last Saturday. We went to the Houston area to join in on that great day! It was such a nice time with family and friends.

We do have some exciting news with the DVD's. The Vision Forum ministry has requested 700 copies of Joel's Journey. It is very comforting to my heart that Joel's story is going forth and that he is not forgotten. Also John-Clay is having a screening at a church tomorrow night (Fri) There could be 150 people there, more or less. They are planning to show two more films besides Joel's. One of them is one that John-Clay helped on and it was also entered in the film festival. I'll let you know how that goes later. Ther is another distibutor too, but I do not know his web site, John-Clay has kind of been in charge of that. Thank you for all the tender and encouraging words on the DVD.

As for me we are still waiting, because of not having any direction at this time, that is all I can do. There are only two options, the D&C or a pill that can be used to start contractions and would possibly cleanse the womb. So if the Lord brings it to your mind, pray for us on that.

Bethany has designed a web site for our business and is still under construction, if you like you can take a look. http://www.shekinahspringsfarm.com/ Bethany has done a great job and Anna too, taking the pictures. Don't forget to put in your Christmas order for soap. The lavender scented is available now.

With Thanksgiving ahead of us, I know for all of us there is so much to be thankful for... I am thankful for a little boy named Joel that the Lord allowed me to give birth to and nourish and to be blessed with for 3 years 4 months and 10 days. It was all too short, and that is why I look forward to eternity, because I can hold him and cuddle him forever... I love you Joel...

~~Cindy

WE WON!!!!!!!!!!!

We Won!!!!!! We Won!!!!!!!!! Joel's Journey won the Biblical Family Catagory. Terry, Caleb, Daniel, Bethany, Elijah and Anna left Thursday to go to the San Antonio Film Festival. Thursday, Friday and Saturday was spent going to films you wanted to see. Joel's was shown Friday morning. Terry said many came up to him and the family after and said kind words to them. The ceremony of awards started Saturday evening. Terry called around 8:30p.m. and told us Joel's Journey won. John-Clay, Caleb and Daniel went up to recieve the award. There were only 4 of these "Jubilee Awards" given out. Terry said it was a bronze statue type and weighed about 20 pounds. I hope Anna has a picture of them with the award! Out of about 45 films Joel's Journey was in the top 4. It really was a great suprise to us all. Terry said John-Clay said a few words of appreciation to Caleb and Daniel for composing the music and to the Morris family. This is so wonderful!!! Joel's Journey was also announced as one of the 4-5 finalists for the Documentary catagory as well, but another film won that one. Terry said as they announced the few finalists for each catagory, they showed a small clip of the film. He said it was a clip of Joel laying in the hospital bed and then of Dara the nurse speaking. After the ceremony the winners were asked to go upstairs for pictures. Terry was able to offer Mr. Doug Phillips (president of the Vision Forum Ministeries) a word of gratefulness for granting Joel's Journey to recieve this award. Mr. Phillips told Terry that the film brought tears to he and his daughter as they viewed it. He told Terry that he didn't win because his son died, but it was his courage for standing for the truth! After that the boys and John-Clay had a few moments of conversation with Mr. Phillips as well. They were very encouraged with that short little meeting with him! I am sooooo thankful that our family was there!!!!! John-Clay's family was there too! My heart is uplifted as I think of Joel's little life being before so many. I hope someway that he is able to know what a blessing he is being and that his story is going on still. May the Lord use Joel's life to let others know that "all of life is precious". O my sweet Joel I wished I could give you a hug for a job well done, for being so brave, for letting God use your life to glorify him!!! I am so grateful for Terry and his commitment to the scriptures when the clouds of darkness were trying to envelope us.

This morning I read some scriptures in Job. I have been struggling these last few weeks. Just being sad with the Lord to be honest. Having a miscarriage is one thing but the delay of this has been hard, plus just the time of all that was happening last Oct\Nov. I feel like my faith is thread bare. I am finding it difficult to hope and trust the Lord. The hurt seems so deep from Joel and the miscarrige. I hope it is all just the grieving process, and of course I feel like the enemy is putting so many things in my mind that are not true about the Lord. I want to be where the Lord wants me to be in this process, but I do not know if I am. The scriptures lifted me up as I again read that the Lord was in control of all the breaths that Joel would take, Job12:9-10, Who knoweth not in all these that the hand of the Lord hath wrought this? In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind. Job 12:22, He discovereth deep things out of darkness, and bringeth out to light the shadow of death. I prayed this morning that the Lord would show me light in this death of darkness, I felt like he did by allowing Joel's Journey to win and Joel's little light is shinning!!! One more was Job14:5,7-9 Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee, thou has appointed his bounds that he cannot pass; For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.Though the root thereof wax old in the earth, and the stock thereof die in the ground; Yet through the scent of water it will bud, and bring forth boughs like a plant. As I read that this morning, I was thinking of the DVD, that Joel's story can continue through this journey he made, and it brought my heart comfort that he is not forgotten. O this journey of grief is one that is inevitable to us all, but a child seperation through death is most painful. What a day it will be when there are no more tears, sickness, death and sin!!! I know there are many that still read Joel's Journey and we are grateful, I am really writing all this for me, it is like therapy and I want to journal for the future of our children, that they can remember the journey, especially the younger ones that are not understanding all this path and I want to be able to remember all of the Lord's doings when I am (Lord willing) so old and my memory might fail me, then I can just read about it!! So as long as I can I will be just making enteries as we continue this journey. Again, so many of you express your prayers for our family and we are so very thankful for you! You have held our arms up!!!!

So since Thursday, we have been "home alone". It has been different being here without all the other "dads" and "moms". Wow, they do alot around here. I am not use to doing laundry and fixing all the meals. We have done some "fun" things too, like go to Atwoods and get cover-alls for Josh and Josiah, cook hamburgers and hotdogs and have our favorite, ice-cream:) Micah(13) and Andrew(11) have done an outstanding job of taking care of all the outside chores. Joshua(9) has helped soo much with Bethany's little "pooch", Hosie and Miah have helped keep things in order inside and help with "Mercy get in to everthing girl" Josiah has done well too as long as he can have Hosie to play all the "stuff" he wants to play. We will be glad to get everbody back together!!!

The family will travel back tomorrow (Lord willing) so pray for safety. I hope to post some pictures here Sunday evening. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face to shine upon you!!!!! The picture of Joel and Josiah was taken Oct.30,2006 in their outside fort, see he was still doing well. That beast of cancer is so ruthless!! Hosanna, Josiah and Jeremiah were recently having fun on all the haybales!!!!

~~~Cindy

DVD'S Are Here!!!!!!!!!

We heard a scream..."the UPS man is here!!!!! Praise the Lord the DVD's are here. We are going to get the envelopes tody and get them ready to go. We are looking so forward to what the Lord will do through Joel's little life. We have many addresses that you all gave us, but if you failed to e-mail us your address, let us know. Our desire is that the message of how precious life is to go forth. Thank you for being so patient. Blessings to you!!!!!!!!

~~~~Cindy

Cone to Cooler!!!!!

Well here is another inumerable blessing of a large family... everbody has a job on "butchering day"!!!!! Friday we processed about 62 chickens and today we did about 55 more. On Friday it was just our family and today two other families joined us to learn for themselves plus offering their help. Thank you Gellenbeck and Fleshman families!!!!! Here is how it went... Andrew(11) and Daniel, Joshua (9) too, were the ones that put them in the cone and did the dreaded "act". The bird then went to Caleb who dipped the bird in 140 degree water for one minute, we called him the "big dipper". Micah was the timer man for Caleb. Next Elijah held the bird over the plucker, I would not want to pull all those feathers out by hand!!!! Terry and Bethany are next with the insides being pulled out, we will not post those pictures!!!!!! They went next to cool water vats, where Hosanna, Jeremiah and Josiah gave them a scrubbing and pulled any remaining feathers out, and our sweet Mercy cheered our hearts with her precious smile! After 20 minutes in the water I then took them in the house and gave their final cleaning and Anna weighed them and packaged them. There you have it...from "cone to cooler". We did have 63 pre-sold, so the Lord granted provision in several ways. This was our second time to do this and we have learned alot. Now, the crew says, "let's fry some chicken"!!!!!!

Last year we processed in July and Joel and Josiah played so happily outside in their treehouse. There seems to be hardly an activity that my heart does not feel the pain. I think that I must learn that the pain will never go away, but I just need to pray the Lord be glorified in my life. I miss Joel for Josiah, there are moments that he just sits and plays alone and I can just see Joel there, his buddy. I told Josiah the other day that (as I kissed him) that the left side kisses were for him and the right side kisses were for Balley. He smiled and he turns his head now for our special little time.

Good news on the DVD, it is enroute to our house!!! Lord willing we should be getting them out maybe by the end of the week. This project has been alot of work for many people. We are thankful to you, John-Clay, Caleb and Daniel, Jerry and Tami Clark, and many more. We are praying the Lord will use Joel's life to honor the Lord and allow this DVD to be a blessing to others.

I read a scripture this morning about the woman who had an infirmity for 18 years. I have been blessed not to have had my need for that long. As I read that it spoke to my heart, it said the Lord saw her and called her to himself and said "woman, thou art loosed from thine infirmity."
I guess I just want to place myself before the Lord and say "if it be your will touch my need too." We are still praying the Lord would let my body expel this naturally. I don't know if I can wait indefinetely, but right now waiting is the most peaceful.

May the Lord bless your family with a restful Lord's Day and may the Spirit of God teach our hearts as we hear the WORD!!!! Be looking for the DVD, Lord willing!!!!!!!!!

~~~~Cindy

The Beginning...

As the month of October is here, it is hard for my heart. The first fever Joel had was probably in the first week. I do not remember exactly, I do not normally just write when a child has one. I guess the reason it is so hard, I think of what was maybe happening to his litttle body, the cancer taking over, I dont't think it is so much feeling guilty, but such a pity of thoughts towards him, because we did not know and could not do anything to help and protect my little boy. The second fever was the 19th, I guess I did make note of that, we had just had a visit from grandparents. It was so strange how the fevers would come on Thursdays, last a few days and then he was up and going again. With the first two, I didn't even think anything about it. The 3rd one I think I was getting puzzled. With the 4th, I was concerned and sharing with Terry, I think we at least should see our family doctor. Then of course Nov. he did start complaing of his legs hurting and with the 4th fever his eye was swelling. I don't know if we ever mentioned it, but the end of September, he came full speed through the kitchen just as I opened the refrig. door and bam, he hit it. It knocked him down, he cried for awhile and he got a big knot on his head that lasted several days. I was thinking he was bleeding inside his head with the eye swelling. I know I read, talked to people and we had alot of theories, but cancer was not to much in my thinking because his white cell count was always in a good range. I know I am rambling, but I am in replay as to this time last year. We had some big events in Oct. that brings to my mind of a healthy, happy little Joel as he was right in the middle of all the happenings. Oh I miss him!!!!! I think only heaven will heal my heart. God is giving grace, but the emotions of my mommy heart are real today! The beginning of a little soldiers journey... my, how brave he was. He endured alot before he was even diagnosed, the pain, about 30 pills of natural vitimans a day, and not having the energy to keep up with Siah when he was having a fever. I cherish the memories, but they are very painful. As the Lord brings it to your heart, we covet your prayers. We are on the journey of firsts and it is lonely.

Well... I went to the doctor today. My midwife has a back up OB\GYN. I guess I just got to the point of wanting to have all and any available information on our situation. He was very positive and respected our desire in waiting. He said there was no harm in waiting unless of course I did show obvious signs of needing attention. He said the only drawback in waiting is that we would not get pregnant of course until it is all expelled. He said he had one other lady that waited a month longer than us and then decided to have the D&C. Of course most he said go ahead and have the procedure so their bodies can get back in order. He said he wouldn't know how long it could take, 3 months, 6 months or longer. I dont't know how long we will wait, but for now I think I can wait several more weeks or a month. It is very emotional not knowing. Our desire is for more blessings and yet it could be awhile before my womb would be cleansed naturally. For now we will wait and pray the Lord's mercy to cleanse my womb. Thank you for praying on our behalf.

This scripture has come to mind: Habakkuk3:17-19, Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be on the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.

O Lord help my heart to embrace this verse!!!!

A big weekend ahead for Andrew and Bethany. They are taking 4 Boer goats to the Tulsa State Fair to show (of course dad will be taking them) Alot of preparation, work, and energy. They are really looking forward to the opportunity.

Well I "gotta go", the crew just got back with ice-cream to celebrate a good report with the doctor!!!!!!! Your a blessing to us. I wished we could all just sit around and share the Lord's grace and goodness in our lives..... we will......one day!!!!!!!!!

All the pictures above were Oct.1- 16, the green over-alls was Sunday,Oct. 8th, they were all ready for church!!!

~Cindy